Wondering how to support my teen
Hi there. I'm looking for some insight and experience from other parents and trans kids about how to best support my child. He is 13 and has lived his life as a boy since birth. We're a family of five, three boys, me (mum) and a stepdad - bio dad is minimally involved. Our general family ideology has always emphasized love and acceptance, and open conversation about gender/sexuality, etc.
He has always been an anxious kid and I've provided supports like counselling and medication whenever he's needed it/been willing to lean on it. For the past couple of years he's struggled with school refusal and has been very isolated, staying at home 99% of the time, with our family. He just received an ASD diagnosis, and I'm looking into support for that as well. Generally he seems happy and content - besides the no-school, no-friends thing - honestly if I wasn't filtering everything through the lense of a worried mum, I'd probably just think of him as the kind of person who just prefers their own company.
The other night while I was watching TV, he came down from his room and asked me to turn off my show. He said "I'm going to say something and I don't want to talk about it any more than this", and I said OK. I could tell this was important, and he looked a little pale and nervous. He said "I'm trans". I said "thank you for telling me that, we can talk more about it when you're ready". I offered him a hug (he declined), and so I told him I love him, and he went back upstairs.
This was a few days ago. Since then, I once went to his room and asked if I could ask a couple of follow up questions, and he shrugged. I asked if he wanted me to make any changes to the way I talk about/name him, or if there was anything he wanted to be different right now, and he said no (which is why I'm using he/him pronouns in this post).
Everything around here is still "normal" (our normal: him not going to school), but I'm just trying to figure out if it's best to just let this unfold at his pace (probably, right?), or if there's some sort of immediate response that would help him best here? I was hoping maybe someone here could speak to this sort of moment - I think I probably would have assumed that disclosing being trans might be a moment of inflection - changing pronouns/name/presentation, or something..?
I appreciate any insight or just shared experience right now. I just want to make sure I'm doing my best for him.