u/BlackLight7X

I am going to be living alone for the first time in a completely new location. I am generally paranoid enough to stay safe but you never know. I will be travelling alone around for work etc.

I remember reading a post that mentions trains over overnight buses etc. So many things not so familiar with.

Can you all share tips on how to stay safe? Which kind of locations, transport ways, events, I have to practice more caution? Any experience-based tips. Common red flags?

Thank you.

- Appearance based, personality based, mannerism based any

I didn't have to stop many stuff as I was not doing much performance before. What I stopped doing appearance based is I stopped wearing tight outfits, it's a top frock and modest overall but it made me feel small and constricted and I didn't feel much comfortable taking up space around. I have stopped looking at outfits that look only look nice and look more for what's practical, comfortable and presentable.

Personality based, stopped doubting myself so much. All my life everyone doubted me for going into a male dominated field, nvm but women face everyone's doubts ALL the time for EVERYTHING (it's unbelievable), no wonder women have so much insecurity deep down. I have made it a habit to stop doubting myself and believe my words/thoughts/opinions with more confidence and certainty and present them bluntly when needed.

Mannerism based, I have stopped smiling like a maniac whenever around people to please them especially say guests or when someone is talking with me. It was people pleasing performance, I genuinely didn't feel to smile, it came automatically in the past, nowadays it doesn't. In the past, I thought that I was smiling on autopilot (I thought that's what I genuinely wanted to do), now I realize, that constant smiling was forced performance that women are made to do. There is a difference between social etiquette and femininity performance.

Secondly, I used to take less space, legs closed tight together, arms stuck to body, not comfortably putting hands or arms or just taking space in general. More focused on how I am seen rather than how I actually want to be. Again, it was automatic (that is socialization). Now I don't think twice, I take up space unconsciously. But in the middle, it took a lot of work to not feel like a criminal for doing so.

What kind of women makes you go "I want to be like her"? What kind of women do you seriously look up to?

Well had this in my head for long, couldn't verbalize it really and have very little people around who gets it.

When I saw a post here talking about how women are getting more college degrees than men, it made me happy that women are progressing and going ahead, I am one of them. However, it was not entirely relieving either.

Us women do not have the ease of networking around, starting lower or shabby, all of that is a huge determiner of success more than just degrees and also more valuable. Men have. Where I live, many men still manage to build a life and career, they have an easier time following unconventional paths, at the end they gain lots of practical skills and so indirectly they are much more valuable than someone who did a diploma or bachelor's etc. They also manage to climb into higher positions.

It disturbs me inside a lot of times. We still to this day aren't seen as fully human. This information isn't new, but that is another way of affirming that. The base problem still remains; the core problem still remains. Not every woman can get into educational institutions, many can't attend, either they are poor or don't have the grades to go in, they have very less options to fall back to, whereas men, they can be poor, bad in studies and still manage to start with less and build, actually build from less. Women have so little options and it's all extremely gendered and of course low paid, all skills designated for men are highly paid and in demand.

Secondly, I do not believe that when more women go into a field, then that field gets devalued. I believe, when a field starts "losing" or going "down", that's when the barrier to entry is decreased and becomes more open to women and then more women start coming in. And so, when a field is at top, men will dominate it and make it extremely hard for a women to get in but as it comes down, men will slowly shift or leave and indirectly there is less gatekeeping so women have an easier entry in (it's image of how it's for women improves so women go in even if the field is "degrading"). I know there is nuance, but this part is undeniable.

What do you all think?