Liar… help f 37 m 38
I have been off and on with this man that I love dearly for four years. We both have been off and on bc we live so far away with no realistic plans of moving…
Over the summer he told me I was ruining his life bc he couldn’t move on and he broke up with me when we were very deep in love… and he said I’m not going to tell you when I date and if you ask I will lie and I don’t want to know about you.
I reconnected with an ex as friends and we hung out a few times and once we kissed.
I went on a date with a guy and we kissed…
He always told me he didn’t date. Something broke in me tho like we lost our sincerity and I felt like I was genuinely ruining his life and I was a place holder….
We both said we couldn’t meet anyone and we kept texting and FaceTiming and loving one another.
My son’s soccer coach that is younger was hanging around my house and I slept with him in November and I did it three times to my utter shame.
At the end of December Ali found out about the ex that was coming over and was livid… he broke up with me. And we got back together- I lied and I also did not want him to read all our texts so I didn’t let him.
Then he asked for true transparency- then he broke up with me again…. And then I began flirting with the guy I went on a date with…
Then he wanted to get back together and he was actually serious about it for the first time ever which I never thought would happen honestly.
He went through my phone and saw I was flirting with guys and he broke up with me but then he told me he’s been doing the same and he told me he slept with a girl and he lied the whole time. I immediately thought of soccer coach. I could NOT tell him. My husband committed suicide several years ago and my children got close with this man and I just could not face this truth. Ultimately from going through my tablet bc I give him access to everything - he found out. I’m not a good hider.
I love him I actually love him so much….
In our hearts and in our cores we love one another but this has been such a mess.
How can I recover. He told me I have a lying problem bc he came out with the truth and I didn’t. I don’t have a lying problem I feel I have fear of abandonment.
I know it’s been a mess but we loved each other and we’re so frustrated and lonely…
Any advice on fixing or moving on? Any support is welcome