How do I figure this out?
I'm a younger university student that has 'recently' started to wonder if I'm trans. I don't want to give away much information because I tend to avoid interacting with strangers online.
It probably actually started a few years ago, during COVID There was this phase where I did start to genuinely wonder if maybe I was transgender, but after like two weeks I brushed it off and the thoughts went away. It went from a constant topic I thought about to something that only crossed my mind once in a while.
Recently, as in a few days ago, it felt like suddenly everything collapsed at once and I don't know what to do. It was just a random thought. "What if I want to be a girl?" Since that moment, everything has been weird. The problem is that I don't actually know and I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I don't know anyone that's transitioned. I don't know what to do.
I grew up in a really accepting, progressive family. I was never pushed towards 'masculine' stuff as a kid. If I wanted to play with dolls or dinosaurs, it didn't matter. I always leaned towards the more 'boyish' stuff, though.
Since that moment a few days ago, however, it's been this all-consuming questioning of everything I know about myself. I haven't slept properly since then. My heart hasn't stopped pounding. I feel like reality is falling apart around me.
I look at myself differently in the mirror, I can't stop thinking about it, it's just so overwhelmingly stressful because I feel like don't know who I am anymore.
Other information that might be relevant:
-I'm ADHD and autistic and also have general anxiety due to some stuff when I was a kid
-I've never been typically 'masculine', my interests have always been things that lean more gender-neutral
-I've always had really mixed friend groups. Male or female didn't really matter.
-I've never really had 'body dysphoria', as far as I can tell. I wished I looked different, but never hated anything. I've always been really insecure about body/facial hair, though.
-I play a lot of video games and have typically picked female characters when I can make custom characters
I guess what I'm asking is how do I figure this all out? How did you figure this all out? I feel so lost right now. Any advice would help.