And I mean back to back. They don't wait a couple years before having kids, just a few months or 1 year after their wedding. Then their kids would be 1 year apart or even a couple months too like? Married 1 month, pregnant the next, then pregnant again and again and again and again
There's a video of an African woman getting into Harvard, and her mom focusing more on the cabinet breaking than her acceptance. Someone put their theory on why West African parents have kids and how it correlates to Christianity, so I thought to share it with you guys:
"well i’ll share my theory here, I believe that a lot of western african Christian parents don’t see their kids as nothing more than a duty they had to achieve once they got married because God ordained them to have children, when you here sermons and people begging to have children it’s usually simply to fufil the ability to have them they feel like it’s pertinent to getting into heaven rather than having children to love and take care of it’s almost like they don’t ever even consider not having kids it’s like something that has to happen. And because they have this duty and then they accomplish it and they feel nothing for the children it then becomes no more than a who can have the best child contest but when those children actually become the best or achieve all the things their parents wanted them too only then will they love them but some of these parents rather than feeling nothing feel jealousy for the life they could never have"
Someone then followed up with
"I can only speak from my experience having
Central African parents and growing up around East African families, but I honestly think a lot of our parents were raised in environments where Christianity was heavily mixed with patriarchy, control, fear, and unquestioned obedience. A lot of them were taught that "respect" meant silence and conformity, and the Bible was often misused to justify that while verses like parents not provoking their children into anger were ignored or treated as taboo."
As someone that's atheist with Christain parents— I can definitely say that both of them don't know how to raise a kid in a sensible way. They rely on tbe Bible to justify their harsh discipline because they have no idea what they're doing themselves. I don't understand how they say that their discipline is okay because their parents did that to them, when they know that they didn't like their parents methods of disciplining them either.
I remember when one of my siblings said that they didn't want to have kids, and my dad said that she shouldn't speak that into the world because she should want to have kids. However, my dad is the most emotionally unavailable man ever. He's rude, unaffectionate, never says that he loves us, and consigns my mom beating us as a kid. My dad didn't grow up with a dad, and he indirectly blames him for him being emotionally absent since nobody taught him to communicate his emotions. And what did he do instead, he had kids to continue the cycle of restricting communication, cosigning abuse and being emotionally absent. I could get hurt and my parents would be more mad about me complaining then thinking of a way to help me
Growing up, my mom would always say that the bible says to always respect your parents and do as they say which requires never talking back. When I mentioned that parents should also respect their kids, she said "well, it starts with parents first, what are the kids doing to provoke their parents". Meanwhile, she provokes everyone to their breaking point and think that she's not the issue
ADHD, Bipolar, Anxiety, BPD, OCD, whatever. These same people have kids that end up with the same behaviors simply because they don't realize that what they're doing is WRONG. I don't even believe that part to an extent, because they definitely know it's wrong, but don't care to do anything about it because they genuinely like instilling fear into their kids. It's odd behavior, and I hope this new generation of African parents go to therapy before reproducing
When I was a teenager, my parents would purposely upset me, or be aware that they upset me. In this one scenario, they were yelling at me in the car before taking us to a relative's house/event just to complain why I was in a bad mood. They would always say "stop giving people a reason to ask you if you're ok"— but nobody has ever asked me that so I didn't mind if somebody else noticed me being upset. But it's almost like they didn't want people to think that I'm sad because of them. My parents car more about their other relatives opinions on how to raise kids, instead of asking what their kids need.
Parents need to stop thinking that there's no reason for kids to be crying just because they pay the bills and brought us into the world. If I ever have kids, I don't want them to think that they can't cry to me or tell me if I was being too harsh or mean. Growing up, I always thought that I was the problem when my parents lashed out on me, but they just have terrible discipline skills and use this excuse : "That's how we were raised in my country, that's how my parents disciplined us. We didn't talk back, and we did everything our parents told us to do"...And the talking back in question was expressing how they feel after dealing with emotionally unavailable parents?
Now I tend to show no emotion around family members whether I'm happy or sad because there's just no point. It's not even to gain sympathy from people around me, but I just don't care to. And in the first paragraph, I definitely didn't act upset to gain sympathy either. I seriously can't fake my emotions esepcially if I'm upset
I'm now just thinking about everything she put me through growing up and how narcissistic she is. I do it because I know she'll bitch about it later and make it seem like she's never the problem, again
Another is, "don't blame god, blame the people". There's a god that's been observing all the catastrophic events in the world and he's never intervened. People have, because people control the world, in both good and bad ways. Not god in either way because he doesn't exist
You can apply that same quote said by Christains, to them thanking god for saving someone's life, instead of the doctors that went through years of training, school and practice to learn how to be prepared for that moment. It's almost like:
✝️: Don't blame God, blame the people— BUT if it's something good, thank God, and forget the people