Sir, I Promise I Don't Work Here. Please Stop Handing Me Your Cart.
This happened last Saturday and I'm still laughing about it.
I was at a big hardware store picking up a few things for a fence repair. I was wearing a plain orange t-shirt (not a store apron, not a vest, just an orange shirt I've owned for years and never thought twice about). I had my phone in one hand and a box of screws in the other.
I'd barely walked into the lumber aisle when a guy in his fifties marched up to me.
"Excuse me, where do you keep the 2x4s?"
I told him I didn't work there, but that I'd seen lumber at the back of the store near the big doors. He nodded, said "Right, thanks," and walked off. Fine. Normal. Happens to everyone.
Ten minutes later, in the paint aisle, a woman stopped me. "Hi, do you have this in a quarter-gallon?" She held up a can of paint.
"I'm so sorry, I don't work here," I said.
She looked me up and down, looked at my shirt, and said, very calmly, "Then why are you dressed like that?"
I honestly didn't have an answer. I said, "It's just a shirt," and she said "Mm-hmm" like I'd been caught in a lie.
I assumed that was the end of it. It was not.
By the time I got to the checkout area, I'd been asked about drill bits, where the bathrooms were, and whether the store price-matches. I'd answered the bathroom question, because I'd actually seen the sign.
Then came the finale. A man pushed his flatbed cart right up to me, let go of the handle, and said, "Can you take this to the front? I'm done with it."
I stood there holding my box of screws, completely stunned. "Sir, I really don't work here."
He squinted at me. "Are you sure?"
I almost said "Pretty sure." What I actually said was, "I'm in line to pay for these screws."
He looked at the screws, looked at me, and said, "Huh. Weird." Then he took his cart back and wandered off.
The cashier had watched the whole thing. When I got to the register, she smiled and said, "You know, we could use someone like you. You're doing better than half my team."
I laughed, paid for my screws, and left. I wore a gray shirt the next time I went in, and nobody asked me anything. I almost miss it.