u/Blushing_fr

29(f) I'm two months away from being thirty and it sucks. I'm not anywhere near where I wanted to be in life. The only thing I want more than to loose my virginity is to actually feel wanted. I hate to be so cliche but I hate seeing happy couples. I used to think it was so cute and kind of like a light at the end of the tunnel, but now it's like a shiny golden apple just out of reach. Not to be that person but there are some people out there that I'm kind of shocked to see in a relationship or hear they have luck in the bedroom department. It really makes me question what is wrong with me. Like I get it I'm not the prettiest, I'm short, fat, awkward, and I'm convinced anyone would run away from me if they saw me without clothes but still. No one? Really? Literally no one? A single person? If I knew that one guy who hit on me once in school was my only chance I wouldn't have been so scared and given him a chance. Every guy I have ever spoken to just treats me like one of the guys, or a sister and it's makes me feel like such a loser to see them go after other women. Im a girls girl all the way but it's getting so hard! I think at this point anyone who looks at me sees desperate or loser stamped on my forehead. Women at work always tell me I'm pretty and joke that I'm probably secretly married to some great guy and at first it was kind of funny but now it feels like bullying. A lot of my family members are getting into serious relationships, getting engaged or planning on having kids and it's getting so hard to be happy for them when I've never even been asked out on a date let alone hit on. I am trying to do the whole self love thing and build other relationships non romantic ones and actually work on my appearance but it's hard to feel like I'm doing something. Like it's worth it at this point. Everyone keeps saying I'm young, it's fine, but thirty feels like the end of any chance I ever had. I'm still in school, I have zero experience in the romance area and I feel very behind in life. I've said giving up has given me some peace and it has but it's still hard especially when I feel like such a hater for others happiness. This is just a rant probably going to be taken anyways. It doesn't matter, nothing matters. I'm seriously thinking I'd be better off not being. Or becoming a nun

I have been dealing with this for so long and I have honestly just ignored it. I don't have a problem with face hair, I feel like I can deal with that the best but it's the chest/torso hair that kills me. It makes me feel so insecure. Even though I dress modestly because of my weight and no one is seeing me undressed it still bugs me. So I did something about it. I shaved, now I'm thinking that was a mistake. It took a while to come back in but it is coming in and not only is it coming in in patches but I feel like rougher or darker? I don't know maybe it's in my head that it's coming in worse. But I just wanted to know if I messed up by doing that.