I did it in the bathroom, at college. I don't know why but it just happened
I'm in college and I never, had the urge to masturbate in public space. Ever. It's crazy because as a child, when I was in kindergarten, I was scared to use the bathroom, very much terrified of shitting and other people hearing.
Look at me now.
At the ripe age of 21?
Where did it all go wrong?
I am never usually horny, and even if I am, it's manageable, and I don't indulge in it, I have a great sense of self control, I mean it, this is genuinely a one time outlier event.
But these past two days... It was overbearing, to the point I couldn't handle it anymore, I kept squeezing my legs, fuck it was just so much I don't know. I started looking up very raunchy things but I was still in one of the buildings, and I just decided to go to the bathroom. I didn't give a shit if anyone came in, I didn't care. I just didn't. The scariest part? I had no shame, and I still have no sense of shame. In a clear state of mind, wouldn't even dare to do, but I was like, "what's stopping me?"
But it feels unreal, how did it happen, why did it happen? Why did I do it? Why does it feel like a dream? This can't be okay this is very much not okay, but I lost all sense of care and boundaries.
I don't know. Even know I'm still... and I'm just crossing my legs, I don't understand where it came from I'm not like this. I'm never like this.