Overcompensated and became an esfj?
i have been trying to type myself for a long time without any luck. Recently I have came up with a theory on why I seem to “not get it”. And I would love any input from Intjs or if anyone can recognise any of this in themselves .
I think I might have been born as an INTJ but I realised early on that as a woman that was not desired in society. My dad was an INTJ and I remember my mom (they were divorced) thinking that I was “like him” and that that was bad. I was super shy or anti-social and I remember how I consciously decided not to be that anymore. I put myself through a gruelling process of social calibration, approaching people in cringy ways, until I learned basically to be “charming and sweet”. So today I would look like an extrovert fe-user if you talk to me, but then I go home to my cave to process or to work on something like painting or photography tirelessly for years.
I remember as a child thinking everybody was dumb, hating small talk, having low se and walking into things, reading weird books on esoteric stuff. But I realised this was not how people around me were and I worked really hard to become a sensor. So that today I am the one enforcing the small talk. Maybe not enjoying it, but seeing its social, cultural and historical value. I feel like I may have done some sort of “If you can’t beat them, join them”-thing with SI users, but I did it so well that I even fooled myself😄
The same with feeling. I remember thinking ”why are people so sensitive”, “why do the weak get to hold back the strong”, and a lot of immature stuff along those lines. But being “soft and emotional“ got me so much better results with everybody. And now I feel like a feeler.
Did I play myself somehow. Is it possible to mask so well that you believe yourself? Really grateful for any input! Just want to solve this mbti-puzzle for myself once and for all!