u/BobTheRatcher

It's been almost a year now since I found out she cheated on me and we broke up...I looked at my calendar and saw a reminder of our engagement anniversary coming up.

So many things have been poisoned by her and her actions: my sense of trust and faith in potential partners/people claiming to like or love me, trust in people making "promises" to me, my graduation from and completion of my paramedic program, my birthday....

She ruined so many things and I carry such grief and and distrust and at this point I just refuse to reengage with the dating world. I refuse to trust people claiming shit like loving or liking me. I just don't believe those words anymore because I have never had anyone love me as much as I loved them. I haven't had a single positive/healthy relationship despite taking my time and working on myself and all this other shit.

I'm tired man.

I don't want to be alone forever or be so lonely but honestly it hurts far far less than false hope/forced optimism and trusting a society full of two-faced people who's first choice when encountering a problem is blame the man and torpedo the relationship.

I'm just at a loss at this point. I don't know what to do or how to move past how emotionally devastated I am from everything that's happened...