Growing up, I never had the language for what I was feeling, but looking back the signs were always there. I used to wear oversized shirts as dresses when no one was around and cut up pairs of boxers to wear across my chest because something about it just felt right, like a bra, even though I couldn’t explain why I wanted that.
I brushed it off for years. Told myself it was just a weird kid thing.
But I’m older now and still sitting with the same feeling, just with more clarity. I know I don’t want to be a boy. That fits wrong in a way I can’t ignore anymore. But I’m also not sure “girl” is the destination either.
What I do know is that I want to exist in a space where people genuinely can’t clock my gender just by looking at me. Like I could shift in any direction on any given day and that would be fine. I want the freedom to change how I look without it being a statement or a label I have to live up to.
Has anyone else felt this way? How did you navigate it, especially the part where you don’t have a clean answer to give people who ask? Did you find community or presentation styles that gave you that fluidity without committing to a specific identity?