Am I being selfish for not wanting to take destination trips with my MIL who lives nearby
Every time holidays/future travel comes up, my MIL pushes for us to take a family vacation together. She lives 45 minutes away, we see her at least once a month (or more). My family lives thousands of miles away, and my sibling just had a baby, so our travel time and PTO feel more limited.
I'm not close with my parents (they can be controlling bullies) so we've also spent both winter holidays with my MIL for the past six years. I don't want to subject my husband to my own parents, and relish saying no to them now.
My husband is usually great about setting boundaries with his mom, but he doesn't think we need to set a firm expectation that we won't regularly fly places together but I disagree.
My MIL is mostly wonderful, but she's struggling with "no" here. She's generally pretty flexible, fun, and loving. I'm honestly not used to it.
If we mention money, she offers to pay even though she's on a fixed income. But the issue isn't just money; it's also PTO, time, and energy. Flying, especially across time zones, aggravates my anxiety and insomnia. We'd rather use our limited vacation time for bucket-list trips, visiting my family, and occasional trips with friends.
We suggest road trips with her instead, and even have one coming up, but she seems to feel deeply that making certain memories requires destination vacations. And I disagree.
She's also older and increasingly anxious to travel while she can (why can't she just do that with her friends? She already does, a lot!). My husband doesn't want to say "never" since there may be a year when a trip makes sense. I would prefer we come to her when that time comes instead of constantly feeling this pressure.
Am I being rigid and selfish for wanting to save our limited resources for our own trips and visiting my family, since we see his mom locally and frequently? Should I let this go because it matters so much to her?
Or should my husband set a clear boundary of "no" for destination trips? That's what I've been telling him because this is his mother.
I'd especially like to hear from the perspective of older folks on this.