Weekend away with friends turned out horribly
TW self harm, flashbacks of assault
My partner and I have been together a few years, have both had other long term relationships, have occasionally kissed others while in the club together.
For context I've also been sexually assaulted when I was young and I have a really hard time with casual sex or in general feeling numb and dissociated during sex which means sometimes I go through really long periods where I am just terrified of other people touching me. With queer/poly culture being so sex positive, I really struggle with feeling that because I am not always (immediately) sexually available, on a night out everyone's looking after scratching their itch and I can't engage in queer culture the way that everyone else can.
Earlier this year we all happened to be at the same event and everyone disappeared to go to the darkroom. No one gave me a heads-up, I just slowly realized I was alone on the dancefloor for one hour, went home alone ugly crying and sobbing.
I told my partner the next day and she was really supportive and apologized loads, in fairness to her.
Fast forwards to Valentine's day...
My partner's friend and her extended polycule decided to invite us to a Valentine Day's event out of town. Her partner, their shared partners, and their other partners, traveled from different towns to be there (I didn't know this before going cus not my circus, not my monkeys, but some of these metamours had NOT been introduce prior to this - I had assumed everyone knew each other and had shared a space in a less high-stakes situation).
We went to the club and started drinking. I am not a huge drinker but everyone else got quite messy. At one point I had to leave the dancefloor and sit down. This person who I hadn't met before, who we'll call E., started making the rounds of our friend group just kissing everyone, which is fine, and then when they got to my partner they started making out. This went on for 30 minutes. I could see them heavily grinding onto each other from across the dancefloor. At this point it was about time to get a cab to the hotel, but we literally had to wait for them to finish. I went out to the front of the club and our entire friend group was being, wink wink nudge nudge sounds like we're going to be here a while. Then because everyone was coupled up people just started kissing and cuddling to pass the time and I was just.... there..... waiting for everyone to get ready....
When my partner came out with E., E. walked up to their partner (again someone who I had never met) who started showing off to everyone the HUGE hickey E had on their neck, cooing and oohing and aaahing and calling them mischievous. I was feeling really hurt and left out, but bear in mind these were people I had never met before and I was not about to let them see me cry over this and paint me as the jealous gf who's bad at poly and made a scene outside of the club.
I tried to get away and call a taxi. E., who was really drunk, came up to me and extended their hand and said "my hand's sticky." I was horrified and unable to communicate to my partner, who in fairness, was very drunk and completely unaware I was having a terrible time. The only thing I could tell her in front of everyone else was that I felt really sick so (trying to be supportive) she made sure I got on the first taxi and she got on the 2nd one who was right behind us.
When we all got to the hotel the vibe was so weird. People were so drunk. I went out to the fire escape to try and make some conversation but people were coupled up and playing with each other's hair and whatnot. Again, none of my friends made an effort to converse with me since they were all focused on who they wanted to f*ck.
I went into our bedroom (the most bare, uncomfortable, shitty bedroom since this was a budget option) and tried to get to sleep. I could hear my girlfriend and E. whisper and kiss on the fire escape even with the door and window closed. That is where I absolutely lost it. I was alone in a different city with nowhere to go feeling like a trapped animal while not being able to get away from the sound of other people sloppy squelchy make out noises. This must have shortcircuited some trauma memory and I had a really severe self-harm episode.
My gf came into the bedroom to find me in tears. She was very sweet and supportive and said that I should've texted her to come back into the room. She hugged me and I fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up as she left the room to go get ready to check out. I immediately realized I would have to face everyone being coy and flirty for the entire bus ride back home and I started sobbing again. When my gf came back into the room, to my surprise, she was really short and mean with me which I was not expecting.
I was feeling extremely fragile and we were under time pressure to leave. I couldn't deal with that so I invented a family emergency with the rest of the group and practically FLEW out of the hotel in tears. I ended up spending the day after Valentine's in a strange city sobbing in the park. I ended up having to get a bus five hours later because I'd missed mine.
It's been months. My gf has apologized profusely, but I haven't been to a club since. I have missed our friend's bday because I just couldn't bear to hang with her polycule (who also predictably incurred a break up after that weekend).
I have started doing EMDR because I have extreme mood swings related to this incident. I have been working really hard on my cPTSD and assault stuff but at this point, after this much time, maybe this is just something I will not get over. My gf says this is something that will never happen again, and while I do believe her I think the instance of what has already happened might be enough to end a whole 2.5y relationship since I literally have flashbacks about it on most days.
TL;DR am I overreacting?