u/BookkeeperBubbly3576

”Donuts”, I try to distance myself from you but it never works so I’m writing my feelings out. You will actually never receive this so I’m going to say all of what I feel about you. I’ve been in Tennessee and all I can think about is how much I hate you. You make stupid jokes, you laugh at the most random things, you are a dry, miserable, rock listening, lonely, who doesn’t see what’s in front of you. You think that no girl likes you, well I’m right here dumbie. You treat me like a guy, you literally admitted to talking to me like your dad talks to you. You make jokes on how ”Blender” has fem boy potential and what the boys did in Ms. Harris’s class. It’s been a month since I’ve even texted you, only a month and yet I miss you so much. Why do I miss you? We are just friends and that’s all we will ever be. I say I hate you, I say how ridiculous you can be, how much you get on my nerves. But I still can’t convince myself that I truly hate you. It’s not that I love you but I definitely don’t hate you. I definitely don’t hate when you let me rant and rant about anything and everything or how you once called me to let me talk about my book or whatever you answer my call the first time or how you don’t find me a burden even though I bother you so much. I started calling you with ”Blender” so you wouldn’t have to deal with me. You listen to me or maybe it just feels that way because whenever we did the “He’s a 10 but…” and the he can’t cook one came up you said “I don’t really know you’ve never talked about a guy’s cooking skills.” I nearly choked on my water right then and there. One of the best things a guy can do is remember the details. You know I’ve always hated drawing guys but you are somehow the exception, I’ve drawn you 3 times already now, that’s more than I’ve ever drawn a specific guy. It made me so mad when ”Icky mean girl” said you were too ugly for her, and it made me even more mad when you believed her because you’re pretty and you have always been pretty but I guess you haven’t figured that out. I made a promise to myself that I would distance myself from you but it hurts to bad to actually do that so I hope you understand why I always call you or why I always want to talk to you. At this point I’m just thinking “Damn, how down bad am I for this guy?” I’m sorry, I know I am a burden to you but I can’t myself from breaking my promise to myself. Because it truly hurts to be something but it hurts even more to be nothing to you. I’ve been afraid of a lot of things but never my own feelings before, you’ve brought shadows to my life yet when I talk to you I feel so at ease as if I am as light as a feather. I can’t help but stare into your eyes, I know it’s cliche but it is so true. You are so pretty and maybe that’s an insult for a boy, but you are genuinely so pretty. I know we will never be anything other than friends and that this is truly one-sided but I can’t help but hope, hope that it isn’t because this is the way I feel, how I truly feel. I’m sorry.

I genuinely want to break up with my boyfriend. He made fun of one of my guy best friend. While he was there, this was on a call btw (I hate FaceTimes with people who don’t have anything in common with me) His twin brother proceeded to say that guy bsf stinks and blah blah. And then they asked him (not hate to these shows) “Do you watch Hazbin Hotel?“ Him: “No…” Them: “Do you watch The Amazing Digital Circus?” Him: “Yes?” Them: *Laughing like damn hyenas*. Like bro! I watch tadc and me and guy bsf wanted to see it in theater. I also don’t like my bf anymore but I don’t want to hurt his feelings, even if mine are on the line.

So am I overreacting for wanting to breakup with my boyfriend Please I really need advice

I thought I should give a mini update

Welp I’m going to break up with my boyfriend (we’ll call Ash) and I have my reasons, I’m honestly really pissed that he told my sister“She has like 4 guy bsf that she can lie to” Umm I don’t lie to my guy bsf’s, I tell them the truth. I’ve known guy from original post (we’ll call Theo) since Kindergarten and I’ve met his Mom and Sister and I have both his parents numbers, also he defended when my ex went on his whole insulting me rant. And “Chris”, we live in the same neighborhood he’s dating a close friend of mine, I’ve met his WHOLE family even his cousin (love his mom and his sister and his dad is pretty cool) He is also one of the loyal friends I’ve ever had, the type of friend that would rush to defend you from a guy in a fit of rage. “Marcus”, even though he can be a bit crazy sometimes he is still my wingman but even though it wasn’t his job he comforted me when I cried about my ex. Then “Louis” and me just have a crap load in common and talk about that type of stuff, also I’ve trying to set him up this whole school year. He has a problem with basically almost all of them. The whole laughing at Theo thing, he just didn’t like Chris for the longest time, he calls Marcus weird, and finally he thinks me and Louis talk too much (literally I’ve been trying to set bro up for a whole dang year!) And he doesn’t have room to talk, he literally called his girl bsf, “Kandy” “My Girl” in front of me, I told him how that made me uncomfortable and it was embarrassing because my friends were right there looking at me with pity and confusion. And he told my bsf that he didn’t understand how I could have all these guy bsf’s but he couldn’t be friends with Kandy. I NEVER SAID HE COULDN’T BE FRIENDS WITH KANDY, I JUST SAID IT MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN HE CALLED HER “My Girl”!!! Also he has been on walks with his ex which doesn’t bother me as much but it’s still is kind of strange but maybe that’s just me. Occasionally he would call me and I would answer and he would be at her house and again maybe it isn’t as much of a big deal as I may think but it’s just a little strange when she answers for him. And after I talked to him about the whole ordeal he said it was because she didn’t have any friends and he and his brother were her only friends. And when I asked my close friend “Lilith” about it because I could have swore that her group of friends talk to much her (This group is the sweetest least fake friends I’ve ever met and I love all of them soooo much!) and Lilith said they have tried to talk to her but during free time she goes straight to the boys. So she does have the chance to make friends but just doesn’t take it so that’s fun maybe she’s just shy (but I’ve met her and she has never been shy) And as the months had pasted I had realized that me and Ash have nothing in common he likes sports and fishing and he doesn’t like to draw and he hates to read, while I’m the type to draw, read, and sing. I suck at sports. He always prided himself on having a “Hot” girlfriend, not a kind or funny one. Maybe that’s all I am, something he can show off to his friends. I also can’t believe that “Penny” betrayed me, she’s been on Ash’s side and has been feeding him information. My supposed to be best friend chose my boyfriend over me. Wow, I really hate this. [Context: “Penny” and I are supposed to be best friends and we tell each other everything and one time Ash had asked me if I could call him when I get home and I said probably not, but then Penny had than said “I’ll call you when I get home” Ummm that’s a bit strange but maybe it’s nothing] My hesitation now is because he genuinely loves me but it’s hard to believe that when I had asked him why he started liking me he said because I’m “hot” He also really likes that I’m Latina which strange to me but whatever. My mom says not to break up with in one day, to talk to him and then wait a week or two to break up. I have to be very careful with this because him and his twin brother air everything out on TikTok. His brother has literally posted a break up text on his TikTok and Ash’s TikTok currently has a (the first letter of my name) and then this: 💔. He posted a story that said “I‘d do F**king anything to bring back what we had” His mom follows him btw. I’ve also seen reposts, one of them “I have the best hg in the world“ thats very recent.

So now I have to find a good way to talk to him and then wait for a bit to break up with him. Any advice?