u/BookkeeperWilling946

I'm 22F (cis), and my partner is 25 (mtf transitioning process). Two days ago, we had a discussion about how the relationship would be if I found myself no longer sexually attracted to them; I'm questioning if I'm actually Bi or not (said this in my last post ik), as I've only done stuff with cis males before knowing them. I concluded that if it gets to that point, then the necessary assumption would be that I wouldn't be happy in the relationship, if I wasn't attracted to them in all facets; how I see it, and what I told them, is that if one person is unhappy, then the other is unhappy. Last week I asked them if they were in love with me, or just love me - they said they didn't know if they were in love with me, but they love me; I said the same.

I said that if it got to that point, then I think it'd be best if we were to break up and remain friends. They responded with if we broke up, we wouldn't remain friends and instead "mortal enemies,", and that if I was with anyone else they'd k!ll them and anything I had a passion for they'd one up me and always try to be better than me in whatever I do (they said they wouldnt ever physically hurt me though, after I told them I grew up in a similar environment that then led to my bio mother being physically abused for years).

Yesterday, I asked if they were ever jealous of me, or felt insecure with me or something that could explain why they said that, and they replied "im not jealous of you specifically, no". I asked why their answer included the use of "specificallly," and they replied "im not jealous of you." I still dont understand why they'd say that "mortal enemies" thing - they said that they'd only be doing that because they still love me because both hate and love are an expression of passion, which I agree with they both are expressions of passion, but to the "mortal enemies" degree I dont understand. To me that sounds like obsession, because from my perspective, if you love someone you should always want the best for them.

They said they would be doing all of that out of love, but it doesnt make sense to me. Also, at the start of our relationship (they dont do that anymore, the other times they threw something at me was a small bracelet and a large teddy bear, both months ago when they were irritated), they liked throwing balls of receipt paper af me, and said because it was a soft object it was a sign of affection for them, I'm still kinda confused on that.

It's early in their tramsitioning process, and while I am so happy that they are finally feeling better about themselves and seeing a future, I'm also hurt because I only realized they are trans, because I went through their phone in 12/2024 and also that's when I found texts between them and another girl (calling her Q) that were of a sexual manner - they said they saw her as a "sister" and that because they didn't physically do anything they didn't actually cheat (they called me a liar after I told them I told their family member abt it, and that I was making them look bad, which made me feel like sh!t) and it still hurts me that they didn't trust me a year into the relationship (been together for almost 3 years now) but texted Q about explicit things and things we talked about in our future, before I knew they were trans and when they were "playing the part" of a cis male 2 years into our relationship - and said themselves that they didn't actually want to do anything with me or do relationship stuff but were just playing a part. I feel betrayed and like our relationship was based off a lie, but I'm still happy for them being able to start their journey, and I told them I hope they're always safe, loved and happy and protected, regardless of circumstance.

TL;DR - My partner said that if we broke up we wouldn't be friends and instead "mortal enemies", and theyd always be in competition with me and I dont know what to make of that, but its causing alarms to go off in my head.

I'm 22F (cis)and my partner is 25F (mtf transitioning process, estradiol for 3 months, T-blocker 2months, just started bicalumatide). I want biological kids now (we tried last three months and nothing (this cycle I realized I had 3 LH peaks, having used Mira Hormone Tracking first cycle); I've recently realized that I've always wanted to be a mother, even BEFORE I met my partner - 3 months after graduating high school in 2023. I told my partner that it's always been my dream, even before I met them is what I realized, and their response was "no it's not." I'm hurt, but I've read up on mtf transitioning and it can usually be a lot for them.

They dont like me going through their phone at all, even touching it (I only found out they are trans because I went through their phone in December of 2024, right before Christmas, and found explicit messages between someone who they see as a "sister," about sexual acts together). They said they don't care about my feelings on that situation, and that it was an Xbox family for them. It's been almost 2 years and I'm still hurt by it - they said they don't really talk to her anymore, and that she is also in a romantic relationship, and she was just joking. My partner says they are not leaving me no matter what, and I don't want to either. I fell in love with the male version of them, and I'm questioning whether I'm straight or Bi, because I don't want to leave and I want everything to work out; I'm ambivalent, also thankful for their loyalty, because if love isn't there, loyalty and respect are the next best thing in a relationship. I realize this is the sunk cost fallacy a bit, as I've been with them almost 3 years, and we've been living together 2 years; I proposed to them 9 months in, after they were saying they'd propose for months and didn't. Months later, they said the rings were cheap (70-90 for both rings), and they didn't want me to tell anyone we are engaged, and didn't want anyone to know for a bit - after I already told their family; they gave no inclination of not wanting me to tell anyone. They were okay telling their family that they want us both to buy a quadplex and rent it out, before getting married, then a castle. I feel like if someone isn't okay with telling ppl one thing in their life, it goes to multiple things in their life.

I mentioned using a sperm donor, but they immediately shot that down, telling me they see it as me having a child with someone else. I replied, we'll do genetic tests to try to find the most accurate match to you, so our potential child would also look like you too and if it's a bonding issue that they're worried about, then hopefully that will solve it. First they said they wanted kids, then they were on the fence, then didn't want kids, on the fence again, and they aren't ready for kids now.

They only are okay with adoption years down the line, which risks me never having a biological child - one of my dreams. My rebuttal is that the sperm donor immediately signs away their legal rights as a legal parent, only providing the necessary gamete. I just think it is a bit hurtful - just because they want their own kids and can't have them, I feel like they don't want me to have biological kids and have one of my dreams be complete. They said if I get pregnant, I'd be doing all the work and they'd just be there, but I think they'll change because imo who would be okay with not being a part of their child's life? We hardly spend quality time together - they think living together = spending quality time together.

I want to grow something good, other than just plants. I want to raise a child to have an unapologetic sense of self - confidence and independence, in a family where healthy direct communication resides (no yelling whatsoever - my partner and I have never raised our voices at one another), and someone who isn't afraid to make their own decisions. And to be there for them and trust them and not hold them back out of jealousy like my mother did. I've started therapy and I'm in school for Engineering (my partner said I can just watch a yt video on chemistry in place of a collegiate Chem course, which is not good advice at all), and I don't want to have realized something so monumental right before I lose that ability with them.

TL;DR My partner is in the process of mtf transitioning (25), I'm 22f (cis). I want biological kids, they don't. I feel like they just want a companion sometimes.