I feel alone
I’m nearing 48 hours since the last time I smoked. Honestly I’m not sure if it’s a tbreak or if I’m done for good.
I feel like I’ve had a pretty good handle on my weed consumption. Switched from my bong to a simple pipe which was not as smooth but a much less intense high. I’ve been able to graduate and find jobs while smoking. I’d go through about an ounce every 3 months just smoking little pipes bowls throughout my day. It’s never affected my performance at work. I work out high in fact I enjoy that. It makes media consumption so much better.
This is what has made quitting so hard. Everyone online seems to feel that weed is single-handedly responsible for all the bad things in their life. But it doesn’t feel that way for me. In fact weed has helped me through trying times. However I’m doing pretty good now. I don’t need it. And moderation is hard. I always say I’ll only smoke at night but then I find myself smoking before breakfast especially cos I work remotely.
Weed has also helped with the solitude of being a single man like living alone. I did have a lot of friends from college (and still do) but they all moved far away after graduation. Meeting new platonic friends as an adult has proved harder than I expected. But I don’t want to become some hermit who forgoes human connection for a quick high.
So here I am. Quitting. But I feel alone. It’s easy to get baked and get lost in a show or on YouTube and ignore the loneliness. But being sober, I feel all of it. I haven’t had much of the physical withdrawal symptoms. Sleep was alright cos I exercise a fair bit. I did feel a bit nauseous while eating my pizza but I was able to stomach a few slices but fuck me, the loneliness is terrible. And there’s nothing I can do to distract myself from it. No family in the country. No friends within a 3hr radius.
I’m not sure this is worth it but I don’t want to spend my life abusing a drug I don’t need.