someone out here with similar experience?
Heyy... So the thing is...
I found someone. We found each other on Tinder in all of the places, we've been dating, moved in together, got married for almost a year now and we have a dog together.
I've always loved everything about her, from her smile, her personality, our shared laughs, even our hard moments when we both cry until we're all red and ugly, we've got through so much already.
We are both struggling with mental health problems (I got AuDHD&BPD, she has OCD, DID, depressions– we are a LOT.)
So this is all hard just as it is. But since we've always got each other, it wasn't as hard, we are really putting all of the effort in our relashionship, I feel so much love for her I could explode.
But, well, here comes the twist.
She had terrible childhood, so she's been dissociating for her whole life. And yesterday, because she finally felt safe enough with herself, she admitted she feels like she might be a man.
I did all the right things– cuddled them, ensured them I won't go anywhere, that I still love them and always will, that I'm glad they told me and that we will figure it out together with the testosterone and everything. But I CAN'T.
I physically can't. It rips me apart, but I just can't imagine myself with a man. I love them, I love them so frickingly much. But I don't think I can do it. I'm scared of men, actually scared. Always been this way. And I just can't be with someone who's a man. But I CAN'T let them go. I've never been with a man, only the thought disgusts me so much I might vomit. I've never felt anything towards them in a romantic or sexual way. So like– what the fuck do I do now?
My partner is bisexual, they cannot imagine the struggle they put me in (which, I don't blame them at all to be 100% clear, I'm happy for them and the fact they don't feel suicidal just because they realised their real identity is making me cheer them up even more, because they deserve everything good but... I just can't do it.)
I love them the most in this world and can't imagine I'm not with them every day of my life because they ARE my life, but... I'm just 100% lesbian and them being a man... what the hell am I supposed to do? No one prepares you for this. I know our love is stronger than anything, but for now, the love doesn't seem to be enough of an answer on this situation. I've been crying the whole day, it is a very serious matter to me. Can anyone share their experiences please?