sub drop?
So I need advice because I genuinely don’t know if this was just an extreme sub drop or if something deeper got triggered.
Today my boyfriend and I did a really intense CNC scene. We’ve been together for years and built trust slowly over time, and I genuinely love what we do. He tied me up, was rough with me, “abused” me consensually, etc. But this time he really pushed me to my limits. I was in tears basically the whole time.
Afterward I had the worst drop I’ve ever had.
Usually I love aftercare, but this time I couldn’t stand being touched. He was trying so hard to comfort me hugging me, kissing me, dressing me, checking on me, begging me to talk to him, asking if he did anything wrong, asking if I still loved him. I literally could not speak. All I could do was cry. The only thing I managed to say for a while was “I can’t speak right now.”
Eventually I calmed down enough to explain that sometimes after really intense scenes my brain just kind of breaks down mentally for a while. He stayed with me the entire time, got us drinks, reassured me constantly, and I did eventually come back down. But seeing him feel like he hurt me made me feel horrible too. At one point he said, “You broke my heart seeing you like this.”
What’s confusing me is that mentally I KNOW it was consensual. I KNOW he loves me. I KNOW none of it was real. But emotionally my nervous system just completely crashed and I couldn’t stop crying or tolerate touch at all.
So I guess I’m asking:
Has anyone experienced sub drop this intense after CNC?
Is it normal to suddenly reject touch/aftercare even from someone you trust?
How do you handle it when it happens?
And how do I reassure my partner that they didn’t do something wrong when they’re seeing you completely fall apart emotionally afterward?
I feel bad because it was overwhelming for both of us.