AITA for not wanting to talk to my husband all day?
My husband (45M) thinks I’m a bad wife because I don’t constantly call or text him throughout the day. I’m 39F and we’ve been married for 17 years.
We both work at the same company, but on completely different schedules. He works rotating swing shifts and I work a regular admin/business schedule. Depending on the week, we barely overlap during work hours anyway.
The issue is that he expects frequent communication during the day. “Good morning” texts, random check-ins, asking what I’m doing, memes, calling on lunch breaks, etc. Meanwhile I can honestly go an entire day without talking to anybody much while I’m working and not think twice about it. I’m focused on work, running errands, handling life stuff, whatever.
It’s not that I hate him or don’t care about him. We’ve been together almost half my life. I just genuinely don’t feel a need to be in constant contact 24/7. If something important happens, obviously I’ll text or call. If he needs something, I answer. I’m not ignoring him on purpose. I just don’t naturally think “I should update my husband every couple hours.”
He says it makes him feel unloved and like I don’t think about him. He’s actually used the phrase “bad wife” more than once, which honestly irritates me because I handle a lot in our life together and don’t think texting frequency determines whether someone is a good spouse.
For context, I’m not super chatty in general. I’m pretty independent and always have been. Even with friends and family I can go awhile without talking and still feel completely connected to them. Meanwhile he’s much more of a constant-contact person.
I honestly can’t tell if I’m emotionally disconnected or if this is just one of those “people have different communication needs” situations.
I guess my advice request is: how much communication during the workday is considered “normal” in long-term marriages? Is it actually hurtful to not feel the need to text all day, or are we just wired differently?
TL;DR: My husband thinks I’m a bad wife because I rarely text/call him during the workday. We’ve been married 17 years, work at the same company on different schedules, and I just don’t naturally feel the need for constant communication. He says it makes him feel unloved. I think we may just have different communication styles.