What Should I Do?
I was friends with this girl from law school. She was then in a relationship with another guy from the same course. They were dating and about to even marry after school got over, but because of some reasons it fell apart.
When this happened, she went into deep trauma and had to take therapy for a while. From what I know she asked him for some changes in his life which he wasn't willing to do. This was 3 years ago.
Me and her have been good friends since law school and would come back to me and share issues and I always cheered her. Back then I was in a 5 yr relationship myself which eventually broke in 2025 February. Over the last year me and this girl we started talking more often and somewhere along the way our bond deepened, although we live 800 miles apart. Mainly through texts, jokes, sharing of thoughts, playful teasing and other such things.
Since Oct 2025, I started noticing a behaviour pattern in her where she was getting more closer to me, she would compliment me, thank me for caring for her, and progressively this increased over the months. She started saying that she is looking for a guy who'll be caring and a good person. When I'd share a meme saying the girl in the meme looks like a future daughter of hers, she's saying I'm looking for her father. To which I'd say if one can get a google form to apply for it, she'd say apply directly.
In the past 3 months the romantic tension deepened. I wrote her a semi confessional poem and she said she loved it, she dropped a total of 16 hints which suggested that she likes me. And later that day asked for DOB (probably for matching horoscopes?)
About 4 weeks back the tension brimmed over and I asked her if one should confess feelings when there's a potential chance that friendship with someone might take a hit. She said all she knows is one should always confess and not be afraid, but NOTHING MUST CHANGE IN THEIR HEART if the answer isn't as expected. So I went on to ask her if she had time on the weekend I need to talk to her. She said she was busy with wedding preparations of her friend, I told her to let me know when she is free and I'll wait.
This is from where everything changed. She ghosted me for 2 weeks. When I reached out finally after 2 weeks and asked about her she said "you did very well to reach out", I also shared with her sketch i had made of her, a day after this she responded and said she was taken aback by the quality of work. She said she was at loss of words and only can say thank you.
I asked her time on the weekend, which she did give. I confessed my feelings for her and told her that I like/love her since 6 months. The call went on for 50 minutes. And she said what I said was beautiful but she couldn't feel anything. That she's not there yet, that she wanted me to confess so I can express myself. She said if I asked her 3 yrs back she would have said yes. I said fine, I understand. I had written some poems for her which she said I can send her. When I did she wrote "I have and always will appreciate you and your kind words 🫂"
I have been in the loop of analysing if she is a fearful avoidant or she really never meant all the things which kept saying for months. Or is she testing how I react to a rejection?
It's been about 5 days now that this has happened. I stepped back and didn't message her and am thinking of walking away. But I remember what she said when I guess she already had sensed I was going to confess "nothing must change in your heart."
We all are self biased but I was very sure of the green signals she had given to me until this confession actually happened.
Her birthday is in 4 days and I'm thinking if I should wish her or not? What do you think? Is this a test ? Is this just a fearful avoidant pulling back? I'm feeling very confused in the aftermath of this.