Am I overthinking this or is my boyfriend just not sexually attracted to me?
My boyfriend (28M) and I (23M) have been dating for 5 months. We met on Grindr, and overall he’s honestly a good person. He’s responsible, hygienic, provides a lot emotionally and financially, and generally treats me well. But lately I’ve been feeling emotionally exhausted because I feel like I’m constantly trying to “investigate” whether he’s actually attracted to me or not.
One thing that’s bothered me since the beginning is that during the first 2 months of our relationship, he never wanted to give me head. Even during our first time having sex, he told me, “I don’t usually do that.” I respected it at first, but eventually I brought it up because it started making me insecure. After that conversation, he started giving me blowjobs sometimes, but it still stuck with me because I kept wondering: did he only start doing it because I asked, not because he genuinely wanted to?
I’m the bottom and he’s the top, and honestly I feel like I’m almost always the one initiating sex. Sometimes I feel unwanted sexually, even though emotionally he’s present. Also, there are times when he would penetrate into me, his erection wouldn’t last that much leading to unsatisfactory performance on my end knowing i am such a sexual person.
Another thing that’s messing with my head: just recently he slept over at my place and said we couldn’t kiss or have sex because he had mouth sores and didn’t want to infect me through saliva/semen. Part of me appreciated the caution, but another part of me immediately thought… is this an excuse? I hate that my brain goes there, but it did.
He also used to be a party guy, goes to the gym, and still has a lot of nearby Grindr mutuals/followers. Sometimes I spiral and think: what if he’s just saving his sexual energy for someone else? What if he’s staying because he feels bad for me, or because I’m younger and easier to keep around?
I know some of this probably comes from my own insecurity/anxiety, but I also can’t ignore that our sex drives feel very mismatched. I’m tired of feeling like a detective in my own relationship.
Has anyone else been in a relationship where your partner loved you emotionally but made you question their sexual attraction to you? Am I overthinking normal differences in libido, or are these actual red flags?