only child of 2 adult children
I am a gen Z (21) who was raised by a Gen X mother (53). my mom had been controlling my entire life, surveillance what i wear, who i talk to, constantly going through my room and my private things, rearranging my room the way she wants it, walking into the bathroom while i shower without knocking, and controlled me when i ate and what i ate. she would also hit my step father whenever he made her upset (he was usually being a jester) in front of me after i told her to stop several times to the point of tears. my mother also refused to let me go to my grandmothers funeral (Dad's mother) because it wasn't following the rules of my custody. i later found out when my dad showed me copies of the custody battle in paper, that the rules were optional and my mother blamed the court as a cover for her own demands.
when i turned 18 i immediately called my father who didn't have custody of me to live with him, as during my visitations he would promise a better life for me after hearing me talk about what my mother would say or do to me. unfortunately this was a facade, as a year went by, living with him slowly became a prison. he gave me spare bedroom and let his girlfriend of a few months move in, turning him into a verbally violent alcoholic. he expected me to clean the entire house every day, clean his dishes, clean her dishes, prepare him food, get him water, do his laundry and hers all while being quiet and reserved, i was not allowed to speak my mind or be too loud in my own room without getting called horrible insults.
during this period i was out getting jobs and would ask my mom for my SSC and she would refuse, only giving me a picture of it. to my luck, the places i worked at were kind enough to accept the photo for their digital records since the background checks were usually third party.
at this point I've been trying to keep my jobs but without a car and having to uber everywhere it was hard. i ended up losing one of the jobs due to the end of their probationary period and desperately searched for one for 3 months while my father was telling me to cough up money so he could use it on his girlfriend. around 50 dollars to 150 dollars every few days until i had nothing left.
i finally got a full time job and worked an inconsistent schedule, being that i was in the hospitality industry. i would come home after work exhausted and pass out in my bed. my father would come home sometimes from work and barge into my room and yell at the top of his lungs that i am a lazy piece of shit and selfish to go to bed first before cleaning the kitchen. his yelling would go on for a little over an hour, and this would happen every week.
thought to add at some point during this period i started dating someone who was not of my race, and since my father is against interracial couples and does not speak kindly of other races, i had to keep silent of this.
at some point i was fed up with the abuse and planned to move in with my partner without his knowledge. since he didn't care about what i was doing, i sold most of my things, threw away what i couldn't ship and managed to send it all to my partner who resided in texas. on the night of the last day, my father thought i was home and decided to go into my room without my knowledge and found it empty. he called me while i was out yelling at me that i better give him some fucking money for "owed rent" (though i wasn't on the lease) and i went to an atm before arriving home to give him 600 dollars that i didn't really have. spent the night crying before my flight in the morning.
before i left i asked my mother to give me my social security card and my binder of pokemon cards because if i plan on working at a company or if i want to finally get a passport, they're gonna need it as proof i am a citizen, and if i need to sell the pokemon cards since they had value and were mine, i could. she told me she wasn't going to give it to me unless i gave her my highschool diploma. we met up a week before i left and she arrived empty handed, but i gave her the diploma and explained i would like my things before i leave. she offered to drive me to the airport instead of taking an uber and i thought it was kind of her to. when we got to the airport i was trying to pay for my checked bag and there was some difficulty, as i was asking her to pay with her card and i give her cash, it ended up accepting my card, but since she saw i had cash she demanded i give it to her as gas money for the ride there. (should've taken the uber)
months later and i now live in texas with my partner (24) and i still do not have a good relationship with my parents. i went no contact with my father after finally telling him how i felt towards him. as for my mother, i thought she was supportive of me once i moved out and kept contact.
she was flying over to my state to go to an event and mentioned stopping by for a night or 2 since she was going to be in my state (in the area). the visit was doing fine at first until my mother mentioned she was going to be there for 4 days instead of 2. my partner expected her for 2 not 4, and felt he couldn't work with her there. so he spoke to her and put her in a nice hotel right across the street from where we live. she accepted it but complained about it the whole time after. the trip after that became miserable, my mom yelling at me using a loud voice and blaming me that i didn't communicate enough to her when i needed to. i apologized over and over but she wouldn't stop so i told her i'll take an uber home if she doesn't stop yelling.
finally the trip was finished and she finally went on her plane back home and i did not speak to her for the way she treated me. she spam called me, calling me about 5-32 times in a row per day and used my stepfather's phone to call me and my grandmother's phone. i made the dumb idea to give my mom my Partner's number and she ended up using his phone to spam call him too. i messaged her telling her to stop and leave me alone, finally speaking my mind for how she's been treating me. she interjected the entire time blaming me for everything and speaking like she did nothing wrong. i told her over and over to leave me alone and it worked for a day until it went back to spam calling. this morning she texted my Partner's phone threatening to call the police if I don't call her so i did. i called her and told her im done and to leave me alone and she wouldn't take that for an answer. am i allowed to put a restraining order on her?