u/BottledFears-66688-8

TW: there might be some bad grammar cause english isn't my first language

So I'm writing a story and the characters are humanoids based off of ghouls from different country's folklore and I have this idea of a character that seems to have multiple personalities but in reality they're just a hivemind, like a swarm of bugs, parasites or anything that came together and formed a human body, sorta taking inspo from dnds worm that walks

I would just like to ask if anyone knows some kind of ghoul or folklore similar to this that I can use as reference?

I'm genuinely so confused, I don't know what else to do. I have friends and I'm on good terms with a lot of people, but I can't help but feel so distant from everyone. It's like there's a wall around me that I can't tear down, each time someone new talks to me I get happy and excited but I freeze up and give a boring response or something like that and they eventually lose interest, I hate being like this.

Even with my friends, we're close when it's only me and them, but once they're with their own group or our entire group altogether it feels like I'm just there, or they're just avoiding me.

I do have one friend that I'm close with who does think of me, but our relationship is unhealthy, I have to watch her mood and I've just been so dependent on affection that I've started depending on her but then she always switches up and becomes distant then close to me again, it's messing me up mentally.

I honestly don't know what else to do, I want people to take an interest in me, but I don't want to force myself to become a different person, but no matter who I'm with or what group I'm in it always feels like I'm just there, not even feel anymore but treated like I'm just there. Like I'm someone who just came along for the ride, someone easily replaceable, someone who's presence won't leave an impact. I don't know if people don't like me because I try to be nice and understanding, or if people just forget about me because I'm boring. I don't know how to become more interesting, or if I need to be less giving, I seriously don't know.

I've even tested it a few times, when I suddenly go quiet or leave most dont notice, I don't know what's wrong with me anymore, why am I so dependent on attention from others, and why do others not wanna give me attention.

I'm sorry if it's hard to understand, my mind is a mess and english isn't my first language, I just really wanted to get this out and ask for help, I even made an account for this cause I have no idea where else I can say this.