My family abused me since I was small I still live with them and it goes from bad to good to bad again is this normal
Ever since I was born I never liked how I looked I was born with cleftlip and cleftpalet search them up if you don't know what they are but never mind that Ever since I was small my mom abused me beating me into her religion then when I was five I was SA by my dad and my parents got a divorce but for other reasons I moved to a different island in my country where I went to school on day one I was made fu of some kid pulled my chair back and I broke my back and u was treated like a virus no one wanted to go near me I felt isolated then my grandfather needed help he asked eight of his other grown and financially stable kids before my mom who was raising five kids me and my little sister being the only young ones the other three adults when my grandfather came to live with us it was fine until I hit puberty and my grandfather became too close he SA me and my mom alsed her siblings to take my grandfather with them they said no and to keep me locked up and only let me go out for school and bring me food and water I didn't want that so I told my teacher and she called CPS and on the way there my mom told me not to talk she was defending my grandfather but I talked and my grandfather was arrested I felt so bad seeing my mom on her knees begging and crying but I didn't want to be isolated so I did what I had to do then after that for the next 17 years my aunts and uncles all blamed and never helped my mom leaving us alone to fend for ourselves even now when im 14 my fifteen birthday coming up I still blame myself think of suicide and cut myself and flinch at certain noises its not getting better but I keep my mouth shut because I still love my family even if I'm dying on the inside and they think I'm doing it for attention please someone can you tell me will the feeling ever go away and is this normal or am I really going insane...?