r/abusiveparents

I cleaned it up for readability, tightened the flow a bit, and kept your tone/personal details. For Reddit, shorter paragraphs and a clear question at the end usually get more engagement.

Hey guys. I posted here a while ago but… well, look who’s back. Me, unfortunately.

Sorry in advance if this post is a bit all over the place — I’m trying to organize my thoughts as best as I can.

I’ve been working at my current job for a while now, yet my parents constantly pester me about my paycheck every single month when I get paid.

“How much did you get?”

“Why aren’t you asking for a raise?”

“Why don’t you quit and come home? We’ll find you a job here.” (Absolutely not.)

For context, while my salary is actually above average for where I live, I do plan on asking for a raise after I finish my BA this July.

What frustrates me is that before I got this job, my parents promised they would help cover my tuition fees for my final year of university. In reality, I ended up paying for everything entirely on my own. On top of that, they still ask me to send them money — even though both of them earn significantly more than I do.

And if I ever ask for the money back, I get responses like:

“That’s the least you could do after everything we’ve done for you.”

“Why are you asking for it back? Don’t you have anything left?”

Then there’s everything else I constantly deal with: body-shaming, pressuring me to find a boyfriend, settle down, and have kids (even though I literally can’t due to a medical condition, and I also don’t want children in the first place).

If anyone here saw my previous post in this sub (the one about therapy), you probably know what I mean.

Another issue is that they seem to have this overwhelming need to know every single thing I’m doing at all times. Both of them expect daily phone calls so they can ask what I’m doing, where I am, etc. The truth is, my days are honestly pretty boring: I go to work, come home, do uni work, and try to unwind if I have any energy left.

At this point, I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. Even my therapist tried talking to them, and it backfired horribly. And no matter how many healthy boundaries I try to set, they either ignore them or bulldoze right through them.

So I guess my question is: what would you do in my situation? Has anyone dealt with parents like this? Any advice would really mean a lot.

20F here. I've worked my ass off this year saving money, and finally signed a lease for a small place to move out of my home, and I am going to leave soon.

I feel so guilty and terrified, but also excited and hopeful. My parents have tried to control every aspect of my life. I have to be a doctor, no matter what. I have to wear the hijab (I was never given a choice). I have to be the perfect Muslim, and never leave the house ever. Just asking permission to hang out with my friends during daylight hours is terrifying and is usually shut down. My curfew is barely 10 PM on a good day.

At the same time, I keep fighting with myself. I know my parents are insane, but at the same time, they are so overprotective and loving--they buy me anything I want, always financially supporting me, doing chores and things for me, even when I offer to help. My mom never wants me to help around the house, which is kind of crazy. But at the same time, it's like the consequence of that is that I have to give up my entire future to them. I have to marry a man, I have to be a doctor, I have to be their kind of successful, or I am a failure.

I don't know how to describe the relationship with my mother other than co-dependent on me. It's like she NEEDS me to be home, she hates when I am away from her, but at the same time never actually tries to engage in conversation with me, doesn't pay attention to me (despite me trying so hard to connect with her, asking about her day, showing her videos, trying to start conversations) and consistently yells at me. (For context, my parents have an extremely tumultuous relationship filled with screaming fights--plates have been broken, and there is a hole in my wall.)

There was a time where genuinely every single time I woke up at 5 AM to pray, she would scream at me to the point of tears and suicidal ideation. She'll say the nastiest things in Hindi, calling me a prostitute, saying I'm better off dead, saying that she doesn't care about what I'm going through, I need to study. But she'll always break down in tears and say sorry after, buying me something to make me happy, treating me well after.

I recently saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and the medication made me extremely demotivated with my studies because I realized I do not want this doctor future for myself, but helped tremendously with my emotional regulation, and actually gave me the strength to sign the lease and work towards the future I want.

I've been lying to my parents my whole life, and I used to feel tremendous guilt, but now I just feel anger. I sneak out to shows and parties when I say I'm studying, I lie about my grades, I have a girlfriend, I take off my scarf when I'm away from them, and I constantly lie just to please them. I feel barely any connection to Islam anymore because of how they use it to punish me. I wish I could tell them these things, and I would be honest about these things if they would just be normal parents of a college kid.

I just feel so torn. At one end, I owe so much to my parents. They bought me a nice car, buy me literally anything I ask, and treat me like their princess, and in return I just lie to them constantly and make them worry and yell at me. But at the same time, I lie because of how insanely strict and controlling they are, and I know they will definitely shit their pants when they find out I am a lesbian.

I don't want to cut them off completely, and want to maintain some sort of relationship, because they still gave me so much and clearly a lot of what they do comes out of a suffocating love for me.

I want to ask, how did your parents react? Were you able to maintain a relationship with them? How do you get past feeling like the asshole?

I’m honestly struggling and don’t really know if I’m being dramatic anymore or if this situation is genuinely unhealthy.

Two days ago I had some kind of back spasm/issue that dropped me to the floor for almost an hour. I genuinely couldn’t move properly. Since then I’ve still been expected to do a 5 hour round trip drive to pick up my sister from university and now I’m being forced to get on a 10 hour flight back home despite being in pain and waiting on medical tests.

I didn’t even want to go home in the first place. The stress around my family situation has been building for a long time and I honestly think it’s affecting me physically now.

I went to the doctor and they said it could be multiple things. They booked blood tests for later this week and an ultrasound in 3 weeks. When I explained I was worried about flying and wanted to delay it, I basically got brushed off with “get travel insurance and you’ll probably be fine.” But then the doctor also suggested off the record that I should maybe go to the accident and emergency department for a chest X-ray just to rule out anything lung related before flying.

What’s messing with my head is that even while I’m dealing with this, the expectation from my parents is still basically “you’re coming home no matter what.” There’s no real concern about how I’m feeling physically or mentally, it’s just pressure and guilt until I comply.

I’m an adult but it still feels like I have no autonomy when it comes to them. I feel trapped between fear, guilt and exhaustion and now I can’t even tell if my body is reacting to stress or if something is actually medically wrong.

Has anyone else dealt with parents who ignore your physical/mental state and just expect obedience regardless? I do not want to get on that flight and mentally I am thinking of doing terrible things just to avoid it.

my mom told me this morning that i shouldn’t come home. she has said things like this before and i genuinely don’t want to, she’s said a lot worse too but a lot of times for no reason. she told me not to come back and after that i started recording idk why. i got something after that she said it’s not much idk if im just being dramatic but it’s 4:30 now and idk what to do im just sitting in the parking lot at school. i have nowhere to go.

I have been struggling to survive at home. My father is physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. My mother either tolerates it or genuinely doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with it, and she can also be verbally abusive.

A few months ago, my father physically harmed me to the point where I genuinely thought I might die. I tried to make my mother understand that if we don’t leave him, he could eventually kill us. But she still chose to stay.

I reached out to an adult I trust and told her everything. She suggested contacting the authorities, but my father is a police officer and has a very good image as both a father and a person. I’m terrified no one would believe me, especially since I don’t think my mother would back me up. For some reason, I also can’t bring myself to report him.

I had an argument with my mother earlier. It was the first time I truly told her how I feel. It was painful to hear her say that the physical abuse can be justified. It made me so sad to hear my mother be okay with their partner hurting their child to the point of almost dying and still say it’s okay.

Living here feels unbearable sometimes. It feels like a prison. I wouldn’t say I’m suicidal, but during arguments, abuse, or when I’m being controlled or forced into things, those thoughts cross my mind a lot.

Leaving is not an option for me right now. But advice from anyone who has survived something similar or knows how to cope while stuck in this kind of environment would mean alot.

Thank you for reading.

Hey so idk really how to start this but i need all the help i can get. I’m the eldest of my siblings (19f) and i realized for a while my parents r harming my siblings relationship between each other. I’m not sure if this is the best place to post this but im trying. For a long time my sister (13f) has been recentful over my brother (10m). She screams and gets mad at him for the smallest thing and my parents immediately jump to his defence no matter the situation. Actually my dad NEVER defends her even if she’s in the right. They rarely hear her out so i assume she screams as her last shot of getting heard. Because of that their relationship is scarred (my siblings). Both are showing signs of depression as well. My parents also cannot take ANY kind of criticism from me and ik no one in our extended family is willing to do anything. My parents have been berating my sister over so little things i’ve been getting so stressed over her mental health i have no clue what to do. Obviously this isn’t everything in detail but i’ll answer any questions you may have. I’m really desperate for help

My mother is a definition sociopath and severe alcoholic. She always used to make fun of me for not having a boyfriend. Then I entered my very first relationship, had my first kiss, first love & all that, with this boy in my class. We dated for about a year, and were still ~involved~ for a few years after we broke up.

Now, at age 28, i recently found out that my mom literally got him very drunk and fcked him. After so long making fun of me for not having a boyfriend, she took the very first relationship I had.

It really messes with my head because I thought she loved me at least back then.. I thought she was my best friend until I was 23. Im just now realizing how much she's always wanted to hurt me.. And the fact that the kid was barely 17 and she was 48, then looking back on all the weird things she would say to/about my friends as a kid... fck

Hi I am a 15 year old from California I think my parents are emotionally abusive but I can't tell here's a timeline: at 8 years old I screamed at the top of my lungs and was somewhat physically violent and said horrible things like "I hope you die" or "I want to go to foster care" and in return my parents splashed water on my face and called me a brat. at 9 years my outbursts continued and I was called a brat in return and screamed back at. At 10 I developed an eating disorder and things were good conflict was low. At 11 they found out and said stuff like "you're so thin" and "you need to eat" and yelled during conflict and showed me pictures of scary thin women to scare me into eating they said do you want to look like this and eventually I got sent to treatment and it was really bad we were weighed naked and subject to a punitive level system and much more(they got sued later) but I came back at 12 and was angry I wanted revenge and my outbursts were worse and I said horrible things my parents said fuck you and called me a bitch and a brat and I used those insults back they also hit me in the face and pinned me and pulled my hair and this continued till 14 I got a PTSD diagnosis and I hid my symptoms cause they didn't care but got me therapy and now I am 15 with a mild hoarding problem and a fear of my parents is this abuse?

After I finished my exams last Wednesday, I called my dad to ask if I could go to the cinemas to watch the new Michael Jackson film and he said yes that’s no problem. 10 minutes later I get a call from him asking who I’m gonna go with and I said my friend I’m gonna call her emma. Emma is black. My dad said we shouldn’t mix with “those kind of people”. These kind of people? Is he being so fr? I knew he was racist but he’s never said anything like this before. I just ended the call because I know that arguing about what he said will only give him an opportunity to hit me. Call me coward or whatever but I just know that sort of behaviour won’t go anyway in this situation. But he does know I’m openly against racism and misogyny so he knows im against what he just said. He also knows who emma is, keep in mind she’s my only friend and he’s dropped and picked me up when we’ve hanged out so that was also another reason why I was so distraught.

My sister was in the car and she heard everything so when we went home SHE began arguing with him and saying what he’s saying is so out of touch and that he cannot be a true Christian and have these type of views. He began yelling and spitting at her saying things like if we do we’re gonna bring home an African husband and that we are insane and there’s something wrong with our brain to basically not be racist. I am not gonna give up my friendship with emma because of my racist parents because frankly emma means more to me than they do and what they said about her completely broke my heart and changed my view on them fully. My mother was in the corner just nodding and agreeing to whatever he said even though she loved my sisters black friends, but since now he’s against us hanging out with them now it’s wrong. Ever since that day we’ve been staying in our room and going out together with our small little sister and avoiding my parents.

A week later, (I knew this was coming but I was dreading it) my dad came into my room saying it’s not ok that we don’t talk to them and that he knows we’re angry about what he said about black people. I kept majority of my answers short because I know if I say one wrong thing all hell will break loose. He said whenever we yell at them they don’t ice us out and I said well we don’t make it seem we’re about to hit you or spit on you, you could’ve said things more nicely and less threatening. He began to act like he didn’t do what he did and said if he was going to hit my sister he would’ve like that makes things seem better. Anyways he had the same conversation with my sister and it went the same she mentioned what he did and he completely denied doing it. I’m just so tired of his fucking behaviour and I hate that me and my sister are being called stupid and that there’s something mentally wrong with us for not being racist. Oh and to mention we ain’t even white our selves we’re gypsy and you’d think since we get discriminated he’d think racism is wrong but no he thinks we’re the superior ethnicity some how. Befor you guys say call someone or report him I can’t do that I just wanna ask if anyone knows what I should do next. Should i just not avoid going downstairs where they are and just give them short answers or idk.

I'm 3 months away from being 25, and I've been abused and manipulated by my stepfather since the very beginning when I was 12/13. It started out much worse, with actions that I feel any normal adult would look at and go "What the fuck is he doing, that's innapropriate" (and have, every time I've talked about it), but his response has always been that he didn't understand that it was bad, "I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt by misinterpreting my intention," and would change the action itself (...for the most part) but not the core behavior pattern. He went from forcing himself on me to kiss me on the mouth, to snapping my underwear, to massaging me awake in the morning (and going under my waistband), to many other actions I don't want to list, all the while hiding it from my mom and encouraging me to do the same so she wouldn't overreact. Each time it came up because I couldn't handle it anymore and was talked about, the severity of the issues never truly seemed to be acknowledged because he would always turn it around and use the words I said as an emotionally-stunted 13 year-old that I was pushed into saying to ease tension and make HIM feel better, that I wanted him to marry my mom, that I wanted a deeper relationship with him, etc.

I have never been able to connect with him beyond a surface level, because I have never truly felt safe around him. Even when the actions changed, his pattern of ignoring my nonverbal boundary cues of pulling away or looking distressed, responding to my polite verbal boundaries with irritation or very visible pouting, and eventually turning it around into me being the one at fault for refusing to connect with him and turning away from God, has never allowed me a safe place to say "No" and be respected.

I've been loathe to call it abuse. I didn't want to acknowledge it as such. My mom was the one to call it that, and I started crying when she did. I stayed in a hotel last night, because now that everything is out I feel like all the fear and stress I haven't allowed myself to actually experience or else I'd explode are hitting me at once. Over a decade of anxiety and fear. I couldn't bear to look at him without wanting to throw up. I feel like I never want to see him again. I don't think I can do that, for practical reasons, but it still makes me feel like a 7 year-old wanting to hide behind my mother's skirt from the man who has caused me so much fucking stress for so long.

We both agree that I need to move out, but until then I can't just stay in a hotel because that is expensive. We're going to see a counselor to help figure out how to live in the day-to-day until I can move out. Hopefully that meeting will be tomorrow. I'm so fucking scared. I'm supposed to be going back home tonight but I want to scream just thinking about it. Supposedly there are already boundaries in place, that he will not be in my room and will avoid the upstairs, I will not be in their room, we do not have to speak to each other at all, and I have added that I will be sleeping with my door locked. Whether or not I can actually stand that tonight, I don't know. Everyone is mad at me for either accusing him or for keeping it secret for so long. Doesn't help. I just want to spend all day crying.

I look forward to the day when I will be moved out and can be my own person. I hope it comes soon. I want to go to college.

Hey y’all. So, the title basically says it all. My (20F) parents have decided that, unless I gain 30 pounds, they will not be helping me with my tuition, which I can’t afford on my own. They have been terribly abusive all my life, causing me to be very limited financially. I do not have the resources to get a car or afford any other kind of transportation (i.e., Lyft or uber), so I can only go where they allow me to go when they allow me to go, meaning I can’t work as much as I need to. I currently get about 20-25 hours a week. I’m also struggling to get the hours from my employer. My current salary is only enough to pay about 70% of my tuition per semester, and that’s if I put literally the full amount towards it, which I cannot realistically do. I also cannot get financial aid because I am trapped in their house due to my financial situation. Even if I got full time hours, I would only have about 300 left over per month after paying tuition, which is not quite enough to cover my expenses either.

Now, as far as the weight issue is concerned, I have struggled with anorexia since I was around 12. Currently, I am 5’3 and about 110 pounds (no longer underweight). I was around 136 pounds when I graduated high school 2 years ago, during which time they still did not acknowledge me as having been fully recovered. My mother always demanded I gain more weight. For context there, she’s always struggled with obesity after struggling with dieting throughout her adolescence. I wouldn’t say she struggled the same way I have, as she was never close to being underweight, even then. Basically, what they’re telling me I have to do is pay this semester’s (spring 2026) tuition myself (7500) and in the meantime gain all the weight back and not even be guaranteed they will reimburse me or help with future semesters as they are suggesting.

I want this degree so badly. I am halfway through right now. It would be absolutely devastating to not be able to get it, as my dream in life hinges on it. At the same time, I don’t know that I can cope with being forced to be overweight for more years.

I’m really desperate. I don’t know what to do. I have an appointment with my financial aid counselor on Tuesday, so I will keep you all posted. I’m luckily not suicidal right now, though I was all throughout high school. Sorry for the long post, I just don’t have anyone to talk to irl and I’m in so much pain right now.

Im 17 years old now and I live with my parents and my 3 sisters, I’m the tird youngest. Its my first time posting so I don’t really know how to formulate this hahaha.
My dad is not the best, he does the bare minimum for our family and claims we would die with out him. He’s the type to get mad, scream, threaten to kill you, and if your eyes go the wrong way, or you say something thing back, or disagree with him or even just start crying, he comes running to you with a really mad face. Running to me to catch me to beat me. He slaps, he hits me with his feet’s, he pushes me around, he pulls my hair, takes objects as well to hit me, he even tried to strangle my little sister last time, and all this while screaming and threatening to kill us. This kind of moments usually happens 2 times a month and on a bad month, maybe 4-5 times. I don’t think me and my sisters deserve this, he start beating us not to correct our behavior, he just gets mad and has to put it on someone. It happend many times that I wake up to him screaming and some fighting sounds, he’s really bigger than all of us so he clearly takes advantage of it.

Recently, he threatened to do some thing so bad to me that he would go to jail, I quote: you know what I can do when I’m mad, and I promise I don’t give a Fuk if I go to prison or even die » all this because he saw me at the dollar store with a guy friend🥲. Since this incident, I really have been thinking about reporting my dad to cps or even the police. I haven’t done it yet because I’m lowkey scared that it makes the situation worst, but I don’t wanna be scared, what do y’all think? Should I keep up with my dad, fight back and handle it by myself, or report him?

I’m not going to go in any particular order but I can remember when I was younger about 8 I was hiding in the pantry for some reason and I was crying. my mom was looking for me and she had a paddle with her so I assume I was in trouble. she couldn’t find me for a good ten minutes and when I came out she thought it was funny I was hiding in the closet so I didn’t get spanked. I can remember one time when I was crying because I got spanked my dad was comforting me and then because I liked to draw he took the paddle and some markers and we wrote stuff like “bang!” and “pow!” and “ouch!” on it. a while later my mom broke that paddle over my butt and we had to make a new one. we did it as a family project kind of. we got a stool cover type of thing with a handle on it and we covered it in resin. it hurts to knock on with your knuckles. it’s currently hanging on the wall next to my brothers room. A more recent specific incident is that I was at the park with my friend but his cousin was also there and she was being annoying. because of this I decided to push her off of playground equipment and then my mom got mad at me. I was crying the whole way home and then we went over a bridge and she started screaming “do you want me to drive off this bridge?! I can do it!” and I started screaming at the top of my lungs ”no don’t do it no no no” and then she hit me and I got a busted lip from it. I (on my own accord) told everyone at school I ran into a door. that’s the only time I remember her hitting me but my cousin (who has helped me realize a lot of things) says she’s SEEN my mother hit me. like hard. I guess that’s why I flinch when someone raises a hand at me? I don’t know. I also know I did something wrong if she hits my hand really hard so I guess thats something she used to do. I remember one time when I was younger I swore at her and she came back to me and said “I’m the only one who gets to swear in this house“ and I don’t remember anything after that. one other thing she did a lot was any time we got into screaming matches she would put her hand over my mouth to make me stop but usually I was crying when it happened so I couldn’t breathe. she wouldn’t move her hand until I stopped screaming and it usually is because I didn’t have the breath left to scream anyways. I can’t remember much else but it could be due to trauma I’m not sure.

not a single day goes by where she doesn’t shout at me every few hours and wishes death upon me or even sickness ? well i am a 15 year old girl and she’s also extremely sexist what makes everything harder. she will hit me or also even spit at me and the next day suddenly shes nice to me ???? i know what shes doing and i despise her and if she’s nice to me all of the sudden again and i’m not happy she will put crocodile tears infront of everyone and act like it’s my fault,like everything happens is my fault and even make up stuff that never happened and the worst thing is she does this especially to my own family and they believe her. by example i was exhausted like hell one day and just got on war thunder nothing big trying to enjoy myself she came in shouting asking me why i’m so useless and wished i was dead and threw my pc kind of on my lap (i forgot to clean up the dishwasher )

worst thing is no one ever asked why i’m never talking to her, why i’m not happy at all and always “grumpy “ they all believe her
and i’m turning insane it’s like being put in prison for lifetime even tho ur innocent with no change to explain

also when she screams at me she comes so close i can smell her disgusting breath and open her eyes disgustingly wide and spits at me

jesus thats just all a part of why i hope she dies. so am i just a dumb teenager with lots of hormones who’s turning insane or is she the problem who should dissapear

im tired of her..

also excuse my english 😅

I 18F am not in a good home situation and have not been for about 2 years. My mother is very rude and uninterested in my life. My dad on the other hand is very nice and supportive but we have our differences sometimes. Anyways now onto the question, i really want to ask my grandpa for the info to my savings account (its been set up since i was a kid and the earliest i could open it was 18) I just turned 18 in april and i want the money to move out. The problem is I'm VERY nervous to ask because im sure he will contact my mom and tell her, if he did i already know her questions. "why would you need that" , "why do you want to leave" etc. ANYTIME i tell her something she does bothers me it always somehow gets turned on me. i'm currently looking for a job just in case. My boyfriend and his parents say "youre 18 they CANNOT stop you from moving out/getting the money" im just scared of the actions of asking.

Hello everyone,

First of all sorry for any typo's or grammatical errors, Englisch is not my first language.

Over the last 10 years I (30f) went from LC to VLC with my mother, due to neglect and abuse is suffered while growing up, everytime I visit her, she brings up very disturbing stuff she did to me as a child or young adult like it was a fun experience ( for example: how she used to ingnore me for 3 to 4 days when she was angry with me, or that she used to give me nipple twisters when I was not wearing a bra at home).

My siblings did not understand until very recently how serious her abuse of me was, they are much older than me ( 15, 13, 12, and 6 years older than me) and did not witness it because they went with my father after the divorce. The divorce was finalised when I was about 6 years old and only the choice of children 12 or older are taken in consideration when deciding custody.

Now to my questions, for those who went NC with a parent, AND had a conversation with the parent before hand, how did you bring it to them? What was the fallout? Would you recommend it? How do you deal with the guilt?

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read and/or comment

ive recently run away from my home after a situation involving my dad, i have money saved up and have taken it with me, but i left in a rush so i didn’t take anything with me except my phone and a charger and my school bag which has my wallet in it. ive spent the night on a park bench and the day just wondering around. im not sure what to do beyond this, and i can’t go back to my house rn. i think i need medical attention but i cant go to a hospital if they send me back to my dad. i can’t contact my mum and i have no friends or family to contact either. im not sure if a shelter would accept me or just send me home.

I have parents who still hit me (I'm 19 btw) for like the smallest thing and since I am not that academically strong, I get no reasons to defend myself at all. They hit me for the smallest things and tell me I have no rights to speak back because I do not score high. This has emotionally broken me from inside cause now I feel I can never say anything to anyone or else I will be judged for being a low scorer and probably they think of me as a dumb girl. When my parents stop hitting me and everything calms down they become so loving and they'll remind me of their various sacrifices and I end up feeling so guilty. My confidence has totally broken and these days I just pretend to be happy but inside I'm literally dying. Is there anyone who has gone through the same and advice me on what to do?

My mother hasn’t been diagnosed with NPD and I don’t think she ever will be because she believes that she’s perfect. So I was sleeping naked because I wanted to (mind you the blanket is all the way up so no one can see my body) and she starts whipping me with a charger in my sleep. I obviously wake up and I’m so confused. She thinks I was doing something bad because I fell asleep to a movie on my computer. That makes no sense what. She kept whipping me and just beating me. Now I have some bruises. Then she went and attacked my brother because his privates were itching. He didn’t even do anything bad. He just stated that his privates hurt cause he’s 11 and doesn’t understand. Then she went and terrorized my 7 year old brother and just slapped him. My 7 year old brother did absolutely nothing wrong? We were all asleep until she came and attacked us. I am so confused.