r/abusiveparents

I honestly don’t know where to start, but I really need advice from people who actually understand misophonia because I feel like my life revolves around it now.

I’m a teenager and I’ve had misophonia for years, but it has become progressively worse. The biggest trigger is sniffing, but there are other sounds too. When I’m triggered, it isn’t just irritation. It feels like my entire nervous system goes into panic mode. My heart races, I become overwhelmed, I can’t think straight, and all I want is for the sound to stop. It’s like my brain treats the noise as an emergency even though I know logically it isn’t.

The hardest part is that everyone around me hears “just a sound.” They genuinely cannot understand what it feels like because, to them, it’s nothing. To me, it feels unbearable.

My little brother is my biggest trigger. He sniffs constantly, and I’ve asked him so many times to stop. I’ve explained it calmly, I’ve begged him, I’ve gotten frustrated, and eventually I end up shouting because I feel completely overwhelmed. I know he isn’t always doing it on purpose, but sometimes he’ll respond in a mocking tone like, “What?!” as if I’m overreacting or being dramatic. Whether he means it that way or not, it makes everything so much worse because I already feel guilty for reacting.

My parents are exhausted by it too. They get frustrated because they don’t know what to do anymore.

My dad actually has been supportive in many ways. He knows this isn’t me choosing to be difficult, and he has helped me through it a lot in the past. But sometimes he still expects me to block the sounds out or cope better because, from his perspective, they’re tiny noises. I don’t think he fully understands that my brain simply doesn’t process them the way his does.

My abusive mum is more complicated. Sometimes she’s incredibly understanding and tries to comfort me or help me avoid triggers. Other times she loses her patience completely. She’ll tell me to calm down, tell me I’m overreacting, or get angry because everyone else has to adjust around me. I know she’s probably exhausted too, but when I’m already overwhelmed, that reaction makes me feel even more alone.

The worst part is that everyone thinks I’m improving. I’m honestly not. If anything, I feel like it’s getting worse. I think I’ve just become better at hiding how distressed I actually am because I know people are tired of hearing about it.

This has affected my mental health massively. I constantly dread family gatherings, holidays, meals, car journeys, or simply being in the same room as certain people because I know I’ll probably be triggered. Instead of looking forward to things, I spend my time wondering what sounds I’ll have to deal with and whether I’ll be able to escape.

I’m currently on holiday visiting family, and instead of enjoying it, I’m spending so much of my energy trying not to get triggered. There are lots of people around, lots of noise, and very little space to get away when I need a break. I genuinely dreaded this trip before it even started.

I’m waiting to access therapy, but it’s taking a long time to arrange.

I also struggle with depression alongside all of this, and they make each other worse. When I’m triggered repeatedly, I don’t just become angry. I become emotionally exhausted. It feels like everything piles on top of each other until I start wondering how I’m supposed to keep living like this. I’m safe, and I’m not actively suicidal, but I often find myself wishing I could just disappear from this situation or start my life over somewhere quiet where my brain could finally rest.

I’ve also struggled with self-harm, and I’ve realised that my misophonia is one of the biggest factors behind it. When I’m triggered over and over again with no escape, my brain reaches a point where it feels completely overloaded. It’s never about the sound itself anymore—it’s about the hopelessness that comes from feeling trapped in my own environment. There have been times where the constant triggering has left me feeling so overwhelmed that I’ve had passive suicidal thoughts. Not because I truly want to die, but because I desperately want the pain, the panic, and the constant state of alertness to stop. I don’t have plans or intent to end my life, but living with this every day has genuinely made me question how people cope with it long-term.

One thing that hurts is that I don’t think people realise how much energy it takes to deal with this every single day. By the time I react outwardly, I’ve usually spent ages trying to ignore it first. People only see the frustration, not the internal battle beforehand.

Does anyone else have family members who simply don’t understand, even if they genuinely care about you? Has anyone found ways to explain misophonia that actually helped their family understand it better? And if your misophonia has progressively worsened over time, did anything help stop that cycle?

I feel incredibly alone with this, and I’d really appreciate hearing from people who actually understand what it’s like.

Sorry if this post is a little long, most of its copied text to read through. The original sub doesn't allow pictures but I got a note or letter from my mom saying some crazy terms for me to follow if I want to stay here. For context, I turned 18 recently and me and my mom have been fighting a lot more because she just needs to control everything about my life and just is generally awful to me besides providing necessities which shes now going to stop anyway.

Anyways yesterday we got in a bad fight and I left to stay the night at my bfs house because I don't really have any friends to stay with but I didn't feel safe and was just sick of being in fight or flight. I bought a burner phone and lockable bags for my sentimental belongings so she couldn't do anything with them, but everything was packed up when I came home. I'll admit I didn't exactly text her directly to tell her what I was doing, but I had my boyfriend text her from his phone saying specifically that I was safe, with him, and would be returning the next day.

She proceeded to blow up my boyfriend and his dad's phone threatening to call police and other things like that which never happened. She was mad that his dad said that its none of their business whats going on with us and to stop contacting him, so that is why she says they disrespected her even though it was the other way around, I saw all the texts. She told my brother and our entire extended family that she didn't know where I was and that I moved out.

My brother is mad at me even though i told him our mom knew where I was but I haven't shown him the screenshot yet. I'm hoping he'll come around and my family might understand. The contents of the paper on the areas marked 1 and 2 are quotes that she took and twisted into something completely different, but honestly I still think her response is insane if that was really how I said it. This is how the paper reads word for word.

The clause stating that i will not bring anything out of her home is quite literally because I was moving things of mine out slowly so she wouldn't notice. This is the deceiving she speaks of on the letter as well. I had to "deceive" to survive every damn day with her.🙄 again I did in fact notify her that I was okay and she knew where I was.

______________________________________________________

[My name], the last 48 hours I was disrespected by both [my bfs name] parents and your bf I need full honesty with no secrets. I do not have a swinging door and I don't need to know your every move. For many reasons I deserve the respect of a decent conversation so I don't have to base decisions off of others.

There are also two things you mentioned.

1. "You should be happy im here i needed a break" you didn't take it upon yourself to notify me or anyone that reached out to you.

2. Expectations of this being your home

This is my home and you said "I have some of my stuff the rest is elsewhere" is disrespectful because you've openly been deceiving me but keep denying it instead of owning it.

You may or may not have the note i took a picture of but you agreed to abide by all house rules. If this is an "only when it serves me" situation like it has been by simply having common courtesy to the woman that raised you.

If these are no longer a problem I'd appreciate a proper discussion reguarding why you are living part time elsewhere as that is also against my lease as we aren't allowed to participate time occupy more than this residence.

3rd your medical is important and if you have a different address we need move out date, when you need a break ahead of time, and you have to comply with what the state wants or we need to again separate you from the household.

Coming and going THE WAY YOU DID will not be alloud. I will take that as a move out immediately effective.

no prophanities

No fighting

Help with chores

Ask before removing things from my home

No ghosting

Pick up after yourself

Comply with state

______________________________________________________

Any advice Is deeply appreciated. I have no idea what to do. She is definitely going to try to kick me out which she cannot do where I live. I'm pretty positive this paper carries no legal weight but do I respond? Stay silent? Either makes it way worse. Every conversation is a fight and if I'm quiet it's also a fight. I know maybe I shouldn't have left for the night without saying anything but I told her immediately that I was safe when I found out she was looking for me so I really don't see what's wrong with it in my situation. I don't know but I need some help figuring out my life right now idk what to do.

growing up i was hit a lot. I am an adult now but as i was talking to my friends today as we sat down and met up, the conversation of having floor time came up. They said that they enjoy sitting on the kitchen floor was enjoyable because to me it was used as a punishment when me and my sister were misbehaving so my mum would make us eat dinner as a punishment, i cannot recall her exact reasoning but I think it is because she is a germaphobe and that was the best punishment she could think of, making her kids sleep on a dirty floor. When they said that was not normal it dawned to me that it was a weird punishment and that growing up I was abused

I sat down and I thought about the conversation I had earlier and that the way my parents were horrible dont get me wrong we would go on holiday, go on bikerides on the weekends but my dad beat us a lot.

One of my earliest memories of getting beat was me not being able to spell water and spelling it as "warter" i got hit by that brown belt it was tourutre. Growing up i had spelling issues and i could not spell so my dad would make me walk to the shelf which was behind the couch and i could not even reach for it becuase he would already be beating me it was painful.

Another memory I have is when my parents found out I was harming myself when i was 11-13 ( i cant remember the age) instead of helping me they attempted to convince me to show them how i did it, i had to show me the object, i didnt show them so they decided to smack me as if my mental health didnt matter. Around that time period they went threw my phone and saw the app I am sober and they saw it. My dad grabbed one of those thich dyson hairdryer chords and beat me with it, I can still see the bruise faintly to this day

When my parents found out i had some stupid relationship at 11 with a girl they smacked me again saying I didnt know what i was saying. for about 2 months every time he would see me he would question me asking me if i am a lesbian, and i only am because my friends told me, i didnt respond to anything he said becuase what can i do he would just get in my face. He would guilt me saying i would be the only gay one in the family and when i leave he would shake my hand and watch me go. every time he would drive me to school he would say i went to an all boys school and i dont like boys, well duh you grew up in a country where being gay is illegal and is super religious. To this day i am so uncomftable in my sexuality or telling people only like 5 people knew i was bisexual but whenever people would ask me if i am becuase i apparently look bisexual(???) i would say im straight awkwardly becuase i am scared what people would think of me like how my parents did

during lockdown my dad found out i was playing roblox with friends and i didnt do the school work and he pushed me against his bedroom wall and he beat me on his bed. i remeber hearing my mum in the shower and i am screaming, i remeber being thrown about and beat for not doing school work, since i always got beat for doing a lack of school work so i hated school, ive never felt so uncared for and small in my life

if i go on and on about all the instances this would be as long as an assignment, since my mum got sick and ive gotten older he has calmed down after that day my mum got really angry and threatened divorce, it took the worst trauma in my life for her to put her foot down after 8 years.

to this day all that beating and confrontation has made me really submissive i would rather just shut up and take it rather than stand up for myself. I cannot accept my true sexuality, no one knows how bad my mental health really is at the moment i have picked up nasty habits i cannot unbreak since who can i talk to ill just told im faking and my life is easy compared to others. i cannot do confortation my brain just equates it with being negative and how if i get confronted it would not be a simple conversation it would go so badly like it did in my childhood. I have the worst anxiety i might start taking medication for it, i cant put it into words how bad it can get it can take over my entire life. i struggle so much with everything in my life and have just fallen into a box of listening and submission. even when firends would be like come out what the worst that can happen, i would not becuase i am scared of my dad and when i would question his authority i would just feel smal like i cannot do anything change my situation, i just wait till he does.

I want advice i want to break out of the cycle of how i was treated in my childhood, im scared that one day the wrong man would take advantage of my habit i have to shut up and just take it, i want to take control of my life and my emotions

I’m 20(F) I live w my mom. My dad passed about 6 years ago. I’ve got no friends or family. I was diagnosed with depression since I was 12. Still got it. Today I told my mom something as little as to change lanes to go faster since the car in front of us was really slow and we were already late for an eye appointment (I was late w getting ready). She got mad at me and started yelling and cussing. I got called a “bitch” at least 10 times. Then she gassed up the car in anger. I felt unsafe so I asked her to stop and she started hitting me as she’s driving. Punched my neck, scratched me, twisted my arm and honestly I hit her back as self defense and she parked the car and opened the door and continued yelling. Once we reached the doctors office she said I don’t want you under my insurance (I don’t work currently) and I canceled my appointment and left. She kept calling me to come back. I didn’t. Even the doctor called me so I went ahead with it but even after that, the entire drive back home I was blamed for all of it. No apologies or understanding.

Mind you this woman has kicked me in the stomach, back and pushed me off of flight of hardwood stairs in the middle of the night just because I said I didn’t find her bf comfortable especially just 3 years into my dads death since I was still grieving him. I was 17. And when I make her count these things, she said “it’s life, it happens”…I don’t have the option to move out because I have 0 bucks to my name. Idk what to do.

Hello everyone.

This is my first time ever posting on reddit. Apologies if the post is all over the place, a bit too long, or not written well (English is not my first language).

I'm F(27) live with my abusive mother and want to move out. I have already paid deposit for a place and sneaked my stuff out with the help of a coworker. I'm supposed to move in a week and I'm terrified. I feel frozen and doubting myself. I just need to hear thoughts and advice from people who might've gone through similar experiences.

For context, I come from a conservative Middle Eastern Muslim family and currently live in my home country in the Middle East. I grew up traveling to different countries abroad (a mix of Western and Middle Eastern). As a result, I don't have any close ties to my family and my closest friends are not in my home country (I went to college in a different country but I will get into that later in the post). I also feel like a complete outsider and find it really difficult to find support or someone to trust here. The culture here is extremely misogynistic and women are just expected to be obedient and live with their family until marriage. This is one of the reasons that's making me scared because my family would go crazy when I move just for the cultural/religious reasons alone.

The second reason is that my family is dysfunctional and abusive as fuck. My grandparents were abusive towards my mother and my mother is abusive towards everyone. My parents are divorced and my father has always been unavailable, doesn't even call or text me. My mother was the one who raised me and provided for me but she has always been emotionally neglectful, manipulative, and verbally and physically abusive.

My mother comes from generational trauma and in order to escape the abuse, she married my dad. Turns out it was a horrible idea. But I always felt like she wanted someone to give her all of which she never had from her parents. She wanted a family, someone to provide and take care of her, someone to rely upon. My dad didn't do any of that and somehow she turned her eyes on me. She expects me to be that person who does all those things for her. I've always felt like she resented having to take care of me and couldn't wait for me to grow up already so that I could take care of her. I've always felt like our roles were reversed like I had to parent her while she behaved childishly demanding attention and care from me while my needs were constantly neglected. She always says things like "oh when you were a kid, you couldn't take care of me because you had school. Then when you went to college and had to focus on that and now you work so you have to focus on that. When are you ever going to take care of me and focus on this house? You're selfish and only want to focus on yourself."

She is creepily possessive, dependent, paranoid, and always abused the shit out of me because she wanted me to be her best friend who fixes her problems. She would overshare adult issues including sexual ones and expect me to give her advice and comfort her. She believes we will live together forever and wants me to live with her when I get married. Which is ridiculous because I feel like she's just blocking the escape she used with her parents (not that I want to get married like that).

She has some fear of abandonment because when I was 9 she told me that somehow she knows that I will leave and abandoned her. She always tries to convince me that we have no one but each other and I have no one but her. That no one would ever love me but her. And then as I grew older and started to become more independent, she began to up her abuse in disapproval. Started to say that she hates me and something is wrong with me. That she is only tolerating me because she's my mother and one day I will realize that the only person I have in the world is her when no one loves me. Because no one can ever love me because I'm a failure and I'm unlovable. Basically trying to manipulate me into being codependent on her so that I could stay with her forever.

She is unhinged and unstable beyond anything I can explain. I never felt safe or comfortable in my own home or around her. I can never have a sensible discussion without her throwing a tantrum and making everything about her. One moment she would act loving and the next she would humiliate me or beat me. She would precieve the weirdest most convoluted bullshit to make everything my fault and just hulk out at me as if I've committed a crime then act like nothing happened. She would literally say stuff like I betrayed her, I have no loyalty I'm a scheming ungrateful bitch... Just weird shit to say to a kid. I grew up very confused and walking on eggshells. I knew from a young age that my feelings don't matter, the world only revolves around her and her needs. If my needs are not her needs, then I'm selfish and awful.

I also grew up extremely sheltered as she never allowed me to do normal child/teenage things like go out with my friends and have sleepover or go on school trips. People always gave her excuses because I'm her only child and she's worried about me. But she always made me feel guilty for wanting to have a life and experience things as if there's something wrong with that or with the experience itself. Like she would come up with the most paranoid theories about how the people I'm meeting could be spies or get me into prostitution or how the mere act of getting on the bus with a guy friend is immoral.

Our relationship became worse when I went to college at a different country ( we moved because she had a job at that country). That was the only time i started to have a life of my own. I created a support group with amazing friends and boyfriend. I finally felt like I'm not alone. But she became jealous of my friends and didn't like me seeing them often. If I went out once a week that would already be too much and I don't need to see them the week after. She would say things like why do you spend so much time with your friends but not with me? Why do you hug your friend but not me? Why does your friend stay in your room and not me? Then she would try to threaten to ruin my friendships by saying that she would "expose me" to them after we have a fight (she has done this before with my school friends when I was a kid and it did in fact ruin our friendship because they were judgmental and I never shared or even recognized the abuse that was happening). But in college I did tell my friends about everything and I would tell her that they already know whatever she wanted to expose and that really pissed her off.

I worked really hard in college because I knew that I had to be financially independent as soon as possible. (sadly I couldn't work as a student because that country didn't allow it). She knew how much I cared about my studies and college so she would threaten to not take me to college or take away my laptop with all my work on it. I don't drive and there was no public transportation that could've taken me to college. So I called my friend and she drove me to college and again my mother was pissed.

Covid came and she had to leave back to our home country. She went insane because she didn't want me to stay and continue my studies while she goes back. She made the entire thing about her and how she needed comforting completely disregarding how stressful the situation was for me. I had one year left and I wanted to finish my studies at the same college but she wanted me to go back to my home country even if that meant I would redo additional semesters/years because to her that's better than us being separated. She called me a traitor, selfish, she spat in my face, beat me, held a knife at me and threatened to kill herself.

I did end up going back to my home country due to a lot of complications and it broke me. I went from feeling like I had support and I wasn't alone to going back to a place I've rarely lived in with zero support and guaranteed isolation plus dependency on my mother. During this time there were lots of fights in my family as well. Both my grandparents wanted to leave me money and properties but my mother didn't want me to have that kind of money in fear that I would use it to leave. So she fought and did everything she could to stop me from getting these properties and at the end she said that her money is my money.

I wanted to study masters abroad but she again saw it as an escape attempt and said she would never allow it and my only option was to either study in my home country or study online. I ended up studying online because my specialization wasn't available in my home country. It was horrible. I spent all my days at home completely isolated even after the pandemic ended. My mother got cats and dogs whom she threw their responsibility on me along with cooking and cleaning and doing everything at home. She treated me like I worked for her and the verbal abuse was unending. She ended up throwing a glass cup at me and beating me again because I didn't want to clean dog shit frist thing after waking up.

I had enough and wanted to leave. Around that time my dad texted me and told me that my grandma has passed away. I was heartbroken and thought that maybe I could go stay with him so that he's not alone. That maybe I could live with him and get to know each other. I went to offer my condolences and he congratulated me that I now have a 3 year old brother. That man doesn't even text me on my birthday and doesn't know what I'm studying, where I'm studying, or anything that's going on in my life. I told him I was doing my masters and he just expected me to put that aside and be a big caring sister instead. I left the next day and went back to my mother.

I tried to leave and stay with my grandfather from my mother's side. He needed up not doing anything when she threw a glass cup at me or beat me or pull my hair or anything really. He just told me that I need to take it because she's my mother and she's not right in the head and I have to take care of her. So I left again, defeated and went back to my mother.

Thankfully I got a job 3 years ago and I started to save. My boyfriend who I've dated since college supported me throughout all this crap and we were trying to plan something so that I can move out and also end our long distance. He wanted me to come over to his home country but I was scared as I didn't want to run away to another person and also do the same exact thing my mother did to escape. So I was clear about how I needed to be independent and live on my own before we move in together or anything. I was also concerned about money as I feared I might not be able to move to another country on my salary (I can work remotely from anywhere). This kept on going until the plan changed and he went to study abroad in a different country. I tried to apply for a PhD and join him but I couldn't get funding. At the same time, we haven't been speaking for a while and I fear that things might be ending between us.

So now I feel even more alone and isolated. I never really felt like I had a home but my boyfriend used to be my home now that he might be gone, it made me want to have a home of my own and move out like I've always wanted. But I'm absolutely terrified.

I have no idea what to tell my mother or grandfather. I know for a fact that I can't discuss this with them because they will refuse. I'm also scared because I dont want to be physically harmed ever again. My plan was to move and then call my mother from my new flat and tell her that I'm taking a vacation somewhere in my home country for a while (which she will flip out about because she doesn't let me spend the night outside). Then I thought to tell her that I've left my current job and will start a new remote one soon. This is because I'm scared she might actually go to my office and cause a scene like she has done before with my friends. But I'm so scared of making that phone call and I'm doubting if I should even do this move at all.

I forced myself to pay the deposit and move my stuff but now I feel uncertain like I'm doing something wrong. I know it's stupid because I'm an adult but neither my family nor my culture think that I have any right in moving out. I know that I don't need their approval to do this but I'm somehow terrified of what will happen next and how they will react.

My mother has already done unhinged things. She has already threatened to kill herself. She has been hospitalized in icu after snapping at me and beating me and she blamed me that I'm the reason she went to icu. I'm scared if she gets hospitalized again because of my move. I'm scared that they will try to find me and hurt me. I'm scared that they might cause a scene at my office and humiliate me. I'm so terrified I'm constantly having this feeling of dread in my stomach.

I also feel guilt that my mother is alone and doesn't have anyone to take care of her. She's not in good health and has back issues. She is married but her husband is an asshole and she's he's second wife. I have tried to convince her to get a maid to stay with her but she's refusing even though she can afford it and says she doesn't need a maid because she has me. I can't do this anymore. I can't be her maid/caretaker. I've already done that role for years. I hate this house. There's so much trauma in it. I just want to feel safe and calm and to feel like I finally have my own place where no one shouts or curses me. I want a clean organized place where I can relax without the filth and clutter and animal hoarding. I'm so exhausted, overwhelmed, and anxious. I can barely sleep properly or focus on anything. I really need this but I'm terrified and I don't know what to say to them.

I don't want to just leave and disappear but I'm so scared of what will happen after. I'm scared of dealing with it on my own. I wish I had my friends/ boyfriend with me but I'm alone here. I have this coworker who helped me but it's not the same. I feel so incredibly alone.

I need some kind of advice or perspective for how to handle this or if anyone can share their experiences and how things turned out for them, I would really appreciate it.

They're all so nice now? Or maybe not, maybe I'm just too used to that family setting

I hate them but I love them also? But I still feel so empty, so confused within myself, it feels almost suffocating. Infuriating. It's like when you put so many "mismatched" ingredients at once that it feels so strange.

I cannot specifically describe the current "status" of the family relationship. They often have or do contradictory behavior or rules.

But also there's. Whenever we are going well suddenly they say or do something that feels worng. That hurts me. Then they go back to that good, parent facade. That thing can happen so quickly or even in a subtle way.

It's painful to see them put that fucking facade towards other people. It's like. Oh my God.

For a long time i've been trying to just see their thought process behind what they're doing but it just gives me a headache. Is it bad if I say that they should've stuck into one parenting style? Or at least just pick a lane. So many things are worng with them.

I just feel manipulated. I feel emprisoned, inside and outside. It kinda makes me feel like i'm a kid again. This is what they wanted isn't it?

I was planning to tell everything to my trusted people if i could get to go to my native country/town but another part of me does not want to. I didn't suffer for nothing. I wish i could just be alone. or something.

I just wanted the ps4 which I asked nicely for but my refused for no reason then they called the police who abused me. I also live in Africa Botswana right now and they treat me different from my brother I am asking for help what should I do I am also 24

I am actually very new to Reddit. I literally just made this account and this is my first post.. so please forgive my ignorance lmao. But I am a 31F. I have no one to turn too family wise. My father passed when I was 16. Parent wise he was my HERO and my only REAL PARENT. He was a shining example of what a parent SHOULD BE. Unfortunately, he also lost his father @ 3. So I never had a grandfather. His mother and my aunt (dad’s sister) are the CLOSEST THING I EVER HAD TO MOMS. honestly my grandmother more than my aunt. She was mom. Sadly, I never got to appreciate them for the role they so heavily in my youth. When my father passed I got really angry with everyone and everything. NOW for the villain of our story. The human incubator I affectionately call her now or my biological mother in official terms. THIS WOMEN IS THE DEFINITION OF WHAT THEY MAKE DOCUMENTARIES ABOUT. She is pure evil. One day maybe I’ll drop the lore on her. But long story short I went no contact with her when I was 27. And over the past couple years I have never felt so alone in my life. I watch everyone w their families being able to go ask their parents for help advice or even just shoulder to cry on. If not their parents they have someone. But not me.. I don’t know how to heal any of this and I feel wrong for just wanting to be treated like I deserve a family….. if anyone could give me some advice guidance god jus a ear to listen… again im sorry this is long.. my heart has been heavy and I see people on YouTube going to Reddit and finding community and just not feeling well so here I am. This is my first throw of a life vest if you will.
And to the people who actually read this 🥂

I**’m a lesbian and I have abusive parents and even tho they stopped hitting me but I’m really going crazy but I wan come out to them but I fell they gonna put in jail bc yk my country sucks so idk what to do wait till I become 21 and leave the country or try to give them hints about my sexuality?what y’all think btw I’**m new and call me bil/bilie

It's a long story, but my mom does the following. I just want a clear answer if im overreacting or being abused

• Yells at me over small things
• Never cares about my important priorities (family-related, personal goals, etc)
• Shames me in front of others (Calling me dumb and not legitimate)
• Makes me clean and study ONLY
• If I try to sit down for rest, I get in trouble (except for sleeping)
• If I try to use a computer/tv, I get in trouble
• If I try to do something for my entertainment (play a video game, watch TV, do something fun), I get yelled at
• Every time she does something wrong, she blames it on me somehow
• If I'm sick/hur,t I GET IN TROUBLE
• Any mistake I make will take a toll on my life, apparently
• I get discorugaed and and put down continuously
• My mom gossips about how "bad" I am
• she guilts trips my family into hating me (they believe it)
• I have to live a perfect lifestyle,e or else I get screamed at
• If I ask for anything, I get in literal trouble
• If she's in a bad mood, I'm the one to blame
• ALWAYS ANGRY AT ME
• I have no privacy or whatnot at this age
• I can't close bathroom or room doors, let alone lock them
• I literally get no privacy whenI'mm changing / naked
• can't choose what I wear
• I can't follow modern trends
• If I talk back, I get in trouble with my whole family like it's a crime. I don't get to make my own decisions
• I'm told I'm immature and not ready
• I don't get personal freedom
• I can't buy any clothing that I want
• I can't choose what things I want
• THERE IS A LOT MORE, BUT I CAN'T NAME THEM ALL RIGHT NOW

Just as the title says. Im 17m, and a few days ago I went to a friends house for three days. It was fun, but it was a pretty starch reminder of how hell mine is LMAO. But the main thing was that it made me feel really guilty about my intentions of leaving in the next 2-3 years because of how just a 3 day absence seemed to affect them. My mom looked REALLY bad, and told me she hadn't slept whatsoever and was exhausted and barely able to do anything having to deal with the kids (makes sense; one is mentally ill, one is lazy as shit and has a constant attitude, the third is medium needs autistic.)

The clothes were just piled up as well as the kitchen being an utter mess. My mom has been telling me over and over the last few days how much she loves me, how much she missed me, how she doesnt know what she's going to do when Im 18 and gone. Shes even straight out told me Im "not allowed" to leave, and that if I try to she'll put bars on the window. It makes me a little uncomfortable because theres definitely some degree of emotional incest in there (shes straight out said she wishes I was her husband instead while drunk as well as a lot of other things) but Im the only one in the house who helps and supports her so I cant blame her.

My dad was less direct about it, but my mom said every day I was gone multiple times hed ask if I called or messaged and if I was coming home soon, and hes been asking me to help with a lot more stuff the last two days too. I can tell hes definetely happy Im home to help again, even if it was such a short period of time. Compared to what my mom said happened the three days I was gone, they arent fighting as much either. Its just all made me feel like I CANT leave.... I know its not my responsibility, but neither of them are really bad, at least not in a way I can feel like I can justify ever leaving with what I know itll do to them. Has anyone else felt this way?

This is not the first time, she has done this so many times before, I hate how tired I feel after she finishes, just very numb and isolated… I don’t have energy to do anything

Ma mere m'appelle en hurlant

"Ton père a vu que t’as acheter un nouveau portable sur ton compte bancaire" (190€ avec mon propre argent btw et j’ai 18ans)

Que des crises que du stress " il va te défoncer etc "

Je suis tellement stressée j'en ai marre je suis jamais en paix y'a toujours un truc à me reprocher j’ai mal au crâne je sais que quand je vais rentrer chez eux il va me frapper tellement fort putain ça me prend la tête (j'aime pas avoir les jambes pleines de bleues ça gâche mon optique de jolies jambes bronzées MDRRR)

Mais là c'est bon jai enfin eu les balls de prendre rendez vous pour enlever sa procuration sur mon compte bancaire !! Jvous jure jme sens libérée même si je sais qu'il me frappera énormément après l'avoir appris mais au moins c'est fait (car j'avais vu dans les paramètres de l’app que son portable s'était connecté plus de 10 fois par jour TOUS les jours depuis qu'il l'a ????)

Mais bref nan sérieusement je suis épuisée j’ai envie d'en finir je demande à Dieu un peu de paix depuis 10 ans j'espère que à 11 ans ce sera bon

Maintenant que j'ai fini d'écrire je me dis que je devrais peut être pas prendre reddit pour mon journal intime ? Je suis désolé d'avance je devrais prendre un psy pour débiter je pense car bon jai de très bonnes amies mais c'est chiant d'entendre ça et c'est surtout pas agréable mdrrr

!!!! Du coup update il a annulé le rendez vous a distance, a bloquer ma carte et m'attends a la maison pour me tuer MDRRRRR non en vrai je rigole pas j'ai peur

I'm 17 and honestly don't know what to do anymore. I feel completely alone and trapped in my own home.

For years, my parents have blamed me for things I never did. Almost every day, both of them use abusive language towards me, insult me, and make me the target of their anger. My father lives in another city for work and has hit me in the past. My mother has been physically abusive many times over the years and often takes out all her frustration and anger on me.

The way my mother talks to me is genuinely heartbreaking. She constantly insults me, says horrible things about me, humiliates me, and makes false allegations against me. Even when nothing has happened and I've done absolutely nothing wrong, I still get blamed, cursed at, and treated like I'm the cause of every problem in the family. It feels like both of my parents have decided that I'm the villain, no matter what I do.

Things have become even worse recently. My parents want me to cut off my friends, stay at home more, and focus on household work and taking care of my younger sibling. My mother often threatens me and says my father will beat or punish me when he comes back. Some days it feels like I'm constantly walking on eggshells, waiting for the next accusation, insult, or argument.

What hurts the most is that I don't have anyone to turn to. Most relatives know how my parents are, but they either support them or stay out of it. No one in the family understands what I'm going through or is willing to help. I don't have a trusted adult, mentor, or anyone I can go to for guidance.

My parents have also talked about getting me married in the future, and that scares me because I already feel like I have very little control over my own life. The situation at home feels extreme and keeps getting worse, and sometimes I genuinely feel stuck.

I'm not posting this for sympathy or to make anyone hate my parents. I just want honest, practical advice from people who have been through something similar. If you were 17, completely alone, constantly blamed, insulted, threatened, and had no real support system, what would you do to protect your future and get through the next few years?

I just need to vent because the upside-down logic of narcissistic family members is driving me insane.
My grandmother has been getting visibly more senile over the past year, and her cruelty has completely escalated into dangerous territory. Shortly after Christmas, she actually threatened to come to my house and beat me up.
The hilarious part? She lives in Tennessee and I live in Texas. When I called her out on it, she completely denied ever threatening me because she "can't make it through the Nashville airport without help." As if having travel difficulties suddenly makes threatening physical violence okay or nonexistent.
On top of the threats, she is constantly trying to financially abuse and control me. She aggressively insists that I must work a full-time job. She completely ignores the fact that it’s not possible for me to work full-time due to my disabilities, which is why I am currently on SSI.
Instead, I have a very specific, strategic plan mapped out for my future to gain full independence from my abusive family:
The ROTC Pathway: I am joining Air Force ROTC as a Participating Student for the General Military Course, then pivoting to Army ROTC for the Advanced Course. I do this because I miss my JROTC days and want leadership training. My Ngrandma thinks it's a casual high school club, completely ignoring that Senior ROTC is a high-stakes federal pipeline.
The Career Goal: My ultimate goal is to work things out with my interim Fire Chief, move back up to a volunteer in the Fire Prevention Division, and work my way up to a federal GS-08 Fire Protection Inspector position. Because of my disabilities, I can easily function as a station-based, non-driving Fire Inspector. Long-term, I plan to climb the ranks to Assistant Chief of Fire Prevention.
Education and building this path forward is part of creating a future where I’m never again dependent on people who dismiss my health and concerns.
But right now, after everything she threw at me, I just feel scared, dismissed, and honestly really alone.
Back in February, she crossed another line by cussing at me over the phone. She was attacking my volunteer role with the department’s Fire Prevention Bureau—a role I am incredibly proud of. She literally screamed, “You don’t augment shit!” just to minimize my work and hurt me.
Today, she called and did it again—completely unloading on me, yelling, cussing, and throwing massive guilt trips. She was recently in the hospital for trouble breathing, and she completely weaponized her medical issues to guilt-trip me. She claimed that I am completely self-centered and tried to turn everything around to make it look like I am the problem.
I finally called her back to establish a firm boundary, and the conversation went exactly like this:

Me: “Ok first of all you don’t ever talk to your own grandson like what you were talking to him like.”
Ngrandma: “And you don’t talk to your grandmother that way either.”
Me: “Really? I was standing up for myself.”
Instead of apologizing, she went into a full narcissistic rage: “I’ll talk to you how I want to! You don’t care about my illness and you don’t give a damn about me! Do you understand me?! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?”
Right then, I hit the record button on my phone. The automated system loudly announced, “This call will be recorded.”
I kid you not, she hung up within a tenth of a second. It is amazing how fast their "righteous fury," threats, and fake victimhood disappear when they realize there will be undeniable proof of how they actually treat people. They absolutely cannot handle accountability.
Between the physical threats, the financial judgment, and the constant verbal abuse, I cannot wait to fully disown her, cut all ties, and finally have some peace. Honestly, watching her deal with her illness while acting like this just makes me realize how little empathy I have left for her. I'm just waiting for the day this is finally over and her grizzled, bitter self can no longer hurt anyone.
Has anyone else had a narcissist attack your career/college plans because they don't understand the regulations behind them? Or use their own hospital visits as a free pass to abuse you?

Note on my career track: To address any confusion, Fire Inspectors handle building code enforcement, blueprint reviews, and administrative work—it is primarily an office and desk-heavy role, distinct from front-line firefighting. Additionally, introductory university ROTC courses can be taken as basic college electives without a military contract or a medical clearance. I am utilizing specific legal precedents and federal guidelines (like Public Law 97-306 for line-of-duty protections for student applicants) to safely participate in the capacity I can, fully separated from commissioning standards.

TW: slight mentions of CSA and suicidal thoughts

My parents don't do shit for me. They neglect me of basic neccesities despite us being middle to high income. They've hurt me in many ways, physically, emotionally, sexually, I've been through it all with them. They've made me hate myself and even made me feel suicidal. But for some stupid reason, I can't help but empathize with them at the same time. My mother went through a lot, my father did too, I won't go into detail since,,, well yeah no need for that, but trust me when I say my parents have been through a lot.

But I don't want to empathize with them. I know what they went through doesn't excuse what they do to me. Why the fuck do I feel this way? I keep telling myself that I should ignore it but I can't. Whenever I look at them I think of what they went through.

I distance myself from them, since I'm moving out soon for college. I didn't talk to them much before but now I don't talk to them at all. When I do, I'm quiet, unresponsive even. It's been helping me have some control over how they treat me, but at the same time when I ignore them I feel like? A dick??? ☹️

Idk this is more of a vent than anything but. I wanna ask for people who left their parents or no longer empathize with them, how did you do that? How did you get rid of that feeling? I feel guilty because, they've done so much for me, but I know that they've hurt me. But I still cry over what they've gone through, I still feel bad when I ignore them. I don't want this. I've been ignoring them and distancing myself for years but it won't go away.

Hello, I am a 23 year old female and I would be described as someone who is a very sensitive person. I feel things very deeply and have a hard time not taking things to heart. (especially when it’s family) My Stepdad has been in my life since I was 2 years old and has been somewhat in and out of my life due to repeated addiction problems. Recently he just got sober and has been doing well for himself. However, I have noticed that more recently he has been hostile and mean to me almost every day. Just a few minutes ago I went to talk to my sister (his biological kid) about some stuff that she has been struggling with and wanted to ask if there was anything I can do to help, long story short, we talk and I leave her room feeling like a good sister. My dad then made a comment as I was heading back to my room for the night, he said “If I ever catch you giving your sister cannabis I will put sugar in your gas tank and you won’t be able to go anywhere.” right out of the blue. For context yes I have smoked cannabis before and have just recently quit because I am starting post secondary school soon and can’t afford more, to which I have told him that I am quitting and even got rid of all my cannabis. I feel like he threatened me for no good reason and very much out of the blue. And to add more evidence to the folder, earlier today I was driving him and I to work when he asked if he could stop at the gas station to get something to drink to which I said okay and stoped at the gas station. After about 3 minutes he comes back and immediately accuses me of going through his backpack when I didn’t even touch it. He got so angry at me and yelled at me not to touch his stuff despite me saying that I didn’t touch his bag. He constantly yells at me and guilt trips me into feeling like I’m the problem especially if there is something wrong with my sister and I don’t notice. He has called me selfish for wanting to go get my medicine after driving him around all day because he doesn’t have a drivers license and my sister wanted to go to town and get something but I was just too tired and just wanted to get my medicine. On multiple occasions he comments on what I eat, how much I eat, or whenever I go into the kitchen. He never does this to my sister only to me. It has gotten to the point where I have started to blame myself and put myself down. I have talked to him on several occasions telling him how I feel when he does these things but he never apologizes or changes his behaviour. I have never felt so sad and angry at the same time. I want to tell him to go to hell and to leave me alone and find his own way to work if he is going to treat me the way he has been treating me but I’m terrified of him lashing out and making my life a living hell. I don’t have an option to move out or stay with a friend as I don’t make enough money to afford to live in my own. I feel like I’m trapped and have no where to go. I don’t know how much longer I can take this, it’s destroying my self esteem, my mental health, and my relationship with my family. I’m constantly isolated from them because I don’t want to be around my dad. So am I just being too sensitive, or is my stepdad the problem. Thanks for reading.

I’m tired of thinking about my nparent. I’m tired of talking about them. I’m tired of replaying the same crap over and over and over in my head. They’ve been in my mind rent free for a long time, and I’m over it.

How did you move on? How did you accept that, barring an act of God, your parent was very unlikely to ever change, apologize, or take accountability for their role? How did you stop thinking about it? Any and all advice is appreciated. TIA.

Hi, I just had a question for everyone about the way my parents are acting. I have wanted a jet ski for years now (I know this sounds snobby but hang with me) and my parents always said no, but then a month or two ago they decided to get a small camper trailer for our car to go camping dispite us not needing one nor having a practical place to store it. It ended up being too heavy to tow with our van, so rather then sell it, they bought a brand new Toyota tundra. All of this was fine, but I asked them tonight if we could get a jet ski, it wasn’t obnoxiously expensive and I even promised to not do things like sailing club or a birthday party to get it, but they said no, and then when I asked why, they went on a rant about how much I cost and listed things I do and how much they cost like my school goes to Disney every two years and that costs like 2.5k, and I got to do Model UN trips that cost money and summer camp, etc. but they complain about all this to me and act like I should help pay for it or that I cost them too much money, and I don’t know what to do, cause I can’t get a job, and I don’t have money otherwise, and additionally my brother just went to a camp for example that costs half of my Disney trip but they never rant to him about costs of stuff, and they act like I am so much more expensive then him dispite me being in high school and him just going into middle school. Overall I could understand their point of view, but they also say their jobs are threatened, but they have been saying that for the past year and nothing has happened, and combined they make like 250,000 a year. I don’t know what to do and I feel really bad and angry and I wanted some advice/ a place to vent so any notes or advice?

Also I know I’m privileged and I’m probably just overreacting but I wanted to vent

I’m a woman, 19, and I’m so tired of my trashy narcissistic dad. I don’t have a solution for now, I’m desperately looking for a job to earn money and leave but it’s hard. Seeing his mean ass looks while my mom swears “he loves me”, his presence disgusts me, everything he does I’m fed up with.

For some background, my dad used silent treatment to mentally trap my sibling and I and I’m talking months to years of that shit. When I was 8, he stopped talking to me for 2 years because I woke up and went on my ipad instead of going and drinking my milk while home alone. When I was 9, he beat me for hours because I woke him up by going to the bathroom (it was 1pm and he was unemployed and spends his time sleeping). Every summer, he stopped talking to me as an excuse to not take me out to the pool and such things as my mom suggested (she couldn’t cause she was the provider). All that, and we still had to go hug him and kiss him goodmorning, goodnight, etc. At 12, after years of emotional and physical torture, I was like “well you don’t talk to me I’m not talking to you” so I stopped greeting him and all and he went to my mom to complain about it all. So basically, I was forced to still go to him just for him to act like I do not exist. Like it was thrilling for him. When my mom was pregnant with me, he stopped talking to her for 3 weeks because he didn’t want another kid. When I was a baby he never held me. My mom told me once I was crying during the night, I was about 7 months old, and he said “I swear if you don’t shut her the hell up I’ll get up and do it myself”. He beat my mom multiple times, she once crawled to me during the night to say goodbye cause she was convinced he was gonna kill her, he then grabbed her by the feet and beat her all night long. He once strangled my mom and told her if she ever left him he’ll kill her she screamed kill me then and went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and was so close to her face until my older brother did something. When I was 5, I farted while we were eating and I found that funny, he proceeded to tell me to get the fuck out of the kitchen and I was not fed for 4 days after that, I had to “learn” how to eat in community. Even despite all that, he was insufferable, everything you could say or do could trigger him. And my mom was always on his side.

It was continuous abusive stuff till I was 14 and my mom finally called the police after he beat her. He was arrested and charged with domestic violence and threats. I was impressed because I’ve always seen my mom as a submissive person and I thought very badly of her for never standing up to him for us. It was the best time of my life. When he got out I refused to talk to him but eventually was forced to because my mom took him back even with the pending restraining order. He was changed at first, he went to therapy to control his anger, but it didn’t last obviously. It started again but this time I changed. When he ignored me for months or got mad, I simply did not give a fuck or acknowledge him.

I recently (2 weeks ago) took some clothes and left the house, they all begged me to come back. He asked to see me, I accepted, we talked and he asked me to come home which I refused, he then left. At around 2am, I went back to my house, I didn’t want to couch surf of live in misery. I was like I’ll go back make some money and leave again but with the capital to do so. He then stopped talking to me and according to my mom he took it so personally that I didn’t come back when he asked me to because he was sure he’ll be able to. I don’t give a fuck but at the same time I’ve been struggling with severe depression for a few months (I was diagnosed I’m not self diagnosed) and I’m so sad because what did I do to ever deserve that type of dad.

We all grew up, my brother says “it’s not that deep” and goes on with his life I barely see him, my mom as always justifies “he loves you still”, “he’s like that we can’t change him we have to tolerate him the way he is” but I told her that the tolerance she always forced on us lead to resentment, I said he could die and I couldn’t care less, I said that as soon as I move out I’m done with him, she thinks I don’t mean it and that I’ll regret that if he dies and he’s always gonna be my father no matter what. She asked me to stop saying things like this about him in front of her because it makes her “uncomfortable”. I asked why she never fought for us and why she always thought me to be silent and let him walk all over me, why did I have to kill my fiesty happy personality to please him she said “because I love him”. My mom was also emotionally abusive but since the thing that happened two weeks ago she’s chill but I kinda have resentment towards her for allowing that, always excuses him and justifies by “his father was a lot worse than that” “some parents sa their kids he’s not that bad” “tolerate he’s like this” why couldn’t he change for us and why couldn’t my mom fought for me. I was just a little girl.

Anyway, seeing him plays a lot on my mental health, those mean looks and the fact he exists, I can’t. NI’m so desperate, I don’t know about life anymore.