r/abusiveparents

I feel like I know the answer, but I’ve been ruminating for way too long and honestly crave someone else’s perspective. Google says she was but that validation’s kinda impersonal and the AI nonsense doesn’t help.
Anyway. I’m a 20 year old woman now, but all of my separate sexual trauma has been haunting me for the past week or so. More than the baseline. It’s annoying. It has me considering my wretched mother too. Most of my issues with her are emotional- her clear resentment of me, the scapegoating, the hitting, the neglect, the whole shebang. I’ve been thinking back on the sexual stuff too.
I have memories from the ages of 8-14 of her groping and squeezing my backside. Fondling? It was a habit, almost. I also remember tearing up and begging her to stop. And her maniacal laughter. I forgot what her justification was, if there was any.
From my understanding, she’d primarily do this when there weren’t any other people around. She wouldn’t lead me to her bed or anything- remember being in the kitchen so many times and her popping up behind me. Micromanaging what I was cooking or planning on eating or even yapping about how much I resembled a grandmother with my hair in a low ponytail like that as per usual. All of a sudden, she’d just reach down and squeeze my backside. Like it was some kind of joke. Often with random comments attached that I can’t remember.
This went on for years. I don’t think anyone her. She’d also make weird comments (once remarked that my red underwear was visible through my lighter pajamas and strangely, my father actually told her to stop). IDK whether he was aware of the constant groping or not. She also once said I’d make a lot of men happy one day when I happened to be kneeling on the counter cleaning something. I was fourteen at most.
I guess I came on here to ask if this qualifies as molestation. Again, I’m pretty sure I know the answer, but I long to hear it from a human being.
Sorry for rambling. One more thing before I finally end this ridiculously long ask: I’m considering pursuing criminal charges.
Not right now; in a couple years. Apparently, the state of NY has extended the window for survivors of child sexual abuse to report it. Suing her would likely be easier but I want her in jail.
According to the minimal research I’ve done, it’s possible that what she did could be prosecuted as a Class B felony. Up to 25 years in prison plus sex offender registry.
The consequences of this would extend far beyond the court-ordered ones, so I will have to think about how that’ll pan out as well. I do have a little sister to worry about too.
Again, sorry for rambling. I think I’m just trying to make sure Google was actually right.

Hi, this is my first time speaking about anything my parents have done. Im F18, and I turn 19 in October, I live in my parents camper in the backyard for about 700/months, plus lawn care and any other stuff they need done. I texted my dad that I didnt think I was going to be able to do the lawn because I was sick. He said id I didnt get it done, my power and water would be shut off. So, I went and mowed and threw up and almost passed out mowing. The next morning, he messaged me again, saying that I needed to weed eat. Because I wasn't able to rest or take medicine the day before because I was mowing, I felt WORSE than I did the day before. He hit me with the same ultimatum, weed eat or no power and water. I did it, and went to lay down. Woke up this morning with a text saying that I didnt do anything correctly and needed to redo everything by tonight or my water and power get shut off. I know they arnt bluffing because they have done it before, as well as kick me out before. When I did the stuff today, while still being sick, I actually passed out in the yard, and threw up. My dad said "Well, at least the throw up is fertilizing the grass". I was raised being told that kids are machines for their parents. That i need to work through being sick, broken bones, and other things. I have dealt with stuff my whole life from them, when I was 16 I snuck out, and when I got home, everything was out of my room except a bare mattress and a throw blanket. He had also installed 3 cameras in my room, as well as alarms on my windows. But he always said "At least im not beating you" or a couple times he has said "At least im not r^ping you." I dont know what to do. Any advice?

Im 19 (M) and my brother and sister and I live with our very conservative and religious mom and stepdad who although I’m 19 and my sisters 18 still use a paddle to punish us for even minor offenses. I was just laying in bed and heard five or six loud pops followed by my sister bawling , and right after that mom walked by my bedroom carrying the paddle and I though to myself that almost once a week one of us is in my parents bedroom getting paddled and I’ve never been at a friends and heard anyone getting swats .,is this at least normal to someone besides my sibling and I?

(I'm not the best writer so this might come out weird but I hope you can understand so I'll try my best to simplify things.)

OK to understand this rant and not get confused basically my dad really wanted us to speak arabic for some reason and he was always angry that we didn't speak it. We were born in america btw.

Ok so basically a few years ago my parents were fighting and it escalated to the point my dad started to hit my mom. I didn't know the reason. After a bit of time I tried to ask my mom why they were fighting and she started screaming "It's because of you" "You don't want to speak arabic" she was basically crying while saying that "It would be better if you were just dead!" And things like that.. do you know what saying stuff like that makes a 12 year old feel? I genuinely wanted to die.

Anyways a few years later, my mom left my dad and is getting a divorce. Guess what I found out? The fight wasn't even because of me. It was because my dad was CHEATING. You wanna know my mom's excuse for blaming it on me? She didn't want me to think badly of my father. I mean I understand if you hide the truth but shifting the blame on me? She made me think the reason she was beaten by my dad was all my fault. She made me think I was the worst daughter ever.

I don't hate my mom I feel really sympathetic for her. My dad was a abusive narcissist. I really don't hate her. I just wish she never made me feel that way.

I am (18M) years old. I was recently sent away by my mom to live with my dad because me and her couldnt get along on alot of things (religion, control, rules, basically everything) thinking that I was going to be happy when I explicitly told her I wasnt. Flash forward, I move to the house and had all of my friends taken from me, and everything I was familiar with, and my family expects me to be okay with it. News flash, what I said was gonna happen, happened. My mental health got worse and worse and me and my mom we’re arguing over the phone. I told her “fine, I’ll talk to my dad about therapy”. For context my dad (33M) has alot of mental health issues along with sleep issues. I should’ve thought of that before speaking to him but the outcome wouldnt have changed because my mom loves to tell my dad everything I tell her. I brought up my mental health and how I need a therapist, and then he loses it and talks about how I dont do anything. Forgot to also mention that anytime I vented to my mom she said it was “disrespect” when I was just voicing my feelings. He then tells me I have 3 days to get my “shit together” or else he will hand me papers to legally kick me out of the house, all just for bringing up my mental health. He then proceeded to video the entire house and told me he did it in case I “damaged property” and then also told me if I threatened anyone in the family he’d call the police, acting like I’m some avengers level threat when all I did was say I needed therapy (he was adamant on me getting therapy when I first got here anyways). He came into my room and then said “you have one month to either get more hours at work or find a new job or you’re out” and then came back and said “since you wanted to fuck around and find out (I LITERALLY DIDNT???) you have two weeks to either get more hours at work or find a new job”. So I’ve been now for the past hour doing research and packing my bag. I’m worried, and hopeful he kicks me out but also worried. I’ve asked a few friends if I could stay with them and theres one that seems to be my best bet but waiting on an official confirmation. Is there anyone here whos been kicked out by their parents and if so what did you guys do to survive and get on your feet? What can I do?

Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post and tried to help. I really appreciate it.

Unfortunately, things have gotten even worse. It has now been 4 days since I last had an actual meal (Thursday 13th).

I’ve been trying to survive on whatever substitute food I can find around the house. It’s not every day, and there genuinely isn’t much. One day I was lucky enough to find some noodles, another day there was some corn, and another day I found cereal. That’s basically all I’ve had.

I’m also going to try selling some of my old things on Vinted just to try and get a little bit of money together for food. My Vinted is nehadhaliwal if anyone is interested in helping by buying something. I’d genuinely appreciate it so much.

Hi. Lately, I (14M) have been wondering if my father is mistreating me or if I’m overreacting. He’s hit me about fifteen times, I’d say. Once—when I was twelve, I think—I threatened to call the police, and he told me no one would believe me. My mother is against it; whenever he hits me, I hear them arguing about it that same evening. But when I talk to her about it, she tells me I’m overreacting, that my father had a difficult childhood (which is true), and that even though what he does isn't pleasant, it isn't cruel either—and it certainly doesn't justify getting the police involved. She also says she was spanked once when she was four, yet she gets along very well with her parents. I understand that, but what I’m going through isn't the same thing. The worst thing my father ever did to me was when I was nine: I had spoken out of turn in class, and since I was usually a model student, I felt guilty. Apparently, it showed on my face, but because I didn't want to tell them what was wrong, my father hit my fingertips with a stick until my mother told him to stop. The problem is that when I talk to them about it, they pretend to have forgotten or downplay the whole situation, so I really don't know if I'm overreacting or if they're downplaying it. On the other hand, there are times when my father is very kind and doesn't act violently (which is actually the case most of the time).

To summarize: My sibling (19) didn't listen to our parent when they were being called for breakfast because they were busy playing on their phone. So our parent got mad af (the last straw was sibling having 'attitude' when anger levels were rising) and took away sibling's phone, which is currently being paid by installment with his own money and he has grown attached to.

Parent's anger was full-blown verbal abuse and life threats, right? The typical 'emotionally constipated/undiagnosed adult that needs serious therapy' issue we all know. Thing is, I personally think my sibling was also in the wrong because they HAVE been behaving/responding shittier when being talked to (to each their own here, rlly, because we have our own bottom line). But like, sibling did fuck up and tried to take away parent's phone last week, because they thought parent took THEIR phone. It was a clusterfuck.

Parent gave sibling 3 options:

1. "I'll give your expensive ahh phone back, but you pack your bags and go to your mom's house and never show your face again." (fat chance he gets angrier and breaks the phone before giving it back) (also our uncle currently lives there because mom lives on another country)

2. "You reflect on yourself, the way you've been disrespectful the past few weeks, and save up for a new phone like your initial plan before spontaneously deciding you'll installment your current expensive phone. You'll still have all access to everything here except your phone which I have confiscated and I'll still allow favors like usual." (parent adds he will break the phone, but I personally think he just added that for the threat effect)

3. "I'll give back phone but all of you are on your own. And every time you say something that, to me, is triggering, I will not pull punches and kick all of you. You will be responsible for your own shit without help from me."

I've also had my share of life threats and psychological damage last year with this same parent - so now I just think of everything in this house as conveniences and inconveniences. IMO, the best course of action for mere survival would be the 2nd Option, and I really believe the device would be given back without damage if we just farmed for Goodwill/Reflection Points in the next few months.

But... I also know how mentally and emotionally damaging it is to stay in this house. I guess I just want my sibling to choose what I chose: which was to stay here so no one would be alone and everything would de-escalate (which did happen on my end).

There's so much unknown in going with the 1st option, but if that would be the best choice for my sibling, then I wouldn't try to convince them in going with the 2nd option anymore. (Yes, I did try. I'm sorry.)

Update: My sibling chose out. Hurrah! They'll be free now, at least.

My mother has never been a particularly "good" mother. She's the type that says she cares about you, but then doesn't listen to you when you tell her what you need from her, she doesn't listen because she doesn't want to do that. This has happened more times that I could count, but I've come to a realisation recently.

Yesterday, she forced me into a terrible conversation I told her I didn't want to engage in because it had to do with a recent event where I got assaulted my someone I really love. She didn't listen when I said this. Instead, she shouted to the top of her lungs about the details of my personal trauma where multiple people could hear. She said that she needed to "remind me of what happened" because I am "running away from my problems." I am running from nothing. I think "reminding me" about something I will not be forgetting any time soon is insane. When I told her she kept trying to force me into that conversation without my consent, she said almost confidently, "When have you ever give a f*ck about consent?" Referring to my assaults :) This isn't even everything. She has been very abusive for many years and refuses to acknowledge it, apologise, respect any boundary I try setting up in order to make our relationship smoother. It's a lost cause.

But here's the thing that terrified me: in the same conversation that happened yesterday, she threatened to cut off my phone and isolate me. All of my resources are on my phone. My contacts, my money (that I make myself; I don't ask her for anything), my transport, everything. When I told her she'd literally be isolating me, she said, "If that's what is takes." I (20F) cannot keep living with her, but I have no formal job, no credit, no car, and I can't drive. She pays for my phone but that's it. I can barely think when I am at home. I am asking for an order of operations or something. How do I get out and how do I get out fast?

I'm posting this on behalf of a close friend because she doesn't know what to do anymore and is scared that trying to get help will make things worse.

Her father has been abusive toward her, her siblings and her mother for a long time. He doesn't work and constantly screams at, taunts, insults, and threatens the family over very small things. There have also been incidents that were much worse than verbal abuse.

My friend received her A level results recently. She passed, but her grades were lower than she had expected. Her father had already been angry with her, and today he completely went haywire

He basically gave her four "options":

1. pay back all the "loss" he believes she caused over the last two years

2. repeat inter or a level with her own money, or have her mother pay for it

3. take a beating

4. give up her phone for a year or two

He also started saying that if anyone made even the slightest issue in the house, he will beat her up.

She said she spends a lot of time hiding in her room since she's afraid of being beaten; she's constantly walking on eggshells around him cause literally everything makes him angry.

The biggest problem is that she doesn't know what to do. She is afraid of calling the police because she still lives with him and believes that if he finds out she reported him, he could become even more violent. She also doesn't know if involving authorities would actually make her situation safer or potentially put her in more danger.

She has recently finished A-levels, so she's at a point where she needs to figure out university, work, finances, etc., but instead she's dealing with this at home and feels completely trapped.

Is there any one who could give practical advice on what to do in this situation? And please don't judge her for not being able to simply leave. She's financially dependent on her family and is genuinely scared of what could happen if her father realizes she's seeking help.

I’m 16M, my sister is 18F, and we have younger brothers. I need advice because things have got more complicated and I’m being pressured to just make up with my dad.
What happened last weekend:
My dad made a comment about my sister’s weight to my younger brothers. When she didn’t want to go somewhere with him because of it, he came into the house, slammed the door, and started screaming at us. He called us “little cunts,” “selfish little backstabbers,” and said we were just like our mum. He was throwing things, got in my face on the stairs to intimidate me, and kicked me and my sister out. We had to call an Uber to our mum’s.
Before this he had already threatened to kill himself / slit his wrists over spilling some waffle batter. During the argument he again said he was going to kill himself. He’s also put a knife to his neck at one point. Afterwards in the family group chat he posted long messages about how much he’s sacrificed, blamed us for his second wife leaving, called us ungrateful and lazy, and said we make him want to kill himself. He later gave a partial apology but still blamed us.
He’s also threatened to cancel gym memberships, freeze our phones/SIMs, freeze bank cards, sell devices, and destroy some of my things (some of which I own).
Background:
This isn’t the first time. When I was about 6 he pinned my mum against a wall screaming, I tried to step in, and he pushed me to the floor and knocked me out. Another time he threw me against a wall in the driveway for not wanting to go to the beach. He’s been getting angrier over small things for a while (even getting mad at me for saying “excuse me” when I couldn’t hear him).
My younger brothers were at his parents’ house during the big argument, got upset, cried, and messaged him calling him abusive. My grandparents on his side comforted them and at first said what he did wasn’t right. My sister has some of the argument on video.
What’s happening now:
I’m staying at my mum’s. My dad has asked if we can “make peace.” My grandad (dad’s side) has been messaging me telling me everything can be fixed easily, that dad doesn’t really mean the suicide stuff (he says his own mother used to threaten to hang herself and never meant it), that dad just needs more appreciation and respect from us, and that I should text dad asking if he’s okay. He’s pushing me hard to contact him and make up quickly.
I still love my dad, but I don’t trust going back yet. I told my grandad I need space because of the threats and the way dad acted, but he’s still minimising it and pressuring me.
AITA for refusing to make contact and make peace right now? How long should I stay away? Any advice on dealing with the pressure from my grandad would help

I was talking about being abused by my high school boyfriend 20 years ago, and she told me ‘why didn't you just tell him to stop?’

ugh

i told her it wasn’t my fault for not knowing what to do. it was his fault for doing it. why am I explaining this to anyone?? she is extremely misogynistic. once again I realize I can’t share anything with her. she doesn’t comfort me, just enjoys my suffering and adds on to it. Pretends to be my support, just so she can keep feeding into and fueling off of my pain.

When me and my family still lived in syria, my dad used to hit me A LOT. Like i remember it being very regular. He was unemployed and he sought out every opportunity to beat the shit out of me. He always did it when my mom was at work, obviously. This went on since the age of 4 until i was about 7 or 8. He still hit me after for many years but it wasnt as regular.

I maybe did something wrong, slightly inconveniant, annoying, whatever. I dont know what i did and i really dont care, because it doesnt matter. He would yell at me, drag me by the hair, drag my by the ear across the floor and throw me against the closet or the mirror. He would curse me and tell me i was an animal, that i shouldnt have ever been born, that i am a disrespectful person who didnt deserve to live. Thats the closest i can translate the verbal abuse, it was in arabic of course. And then he locked me in my room and i didnt eat or drink for hours, until my mom came back home. I told her all the time what he did to me. I told her how he hurt me and that it wasnt fair. Imagine a 5 year old explain a 39 year old mother that her 49 year old father was verbally, psychologically and physically abusive, only for thw mum to then say that the 5 year old was at fault. It was my fault, that i dropped a glass, that i said something off, that i joked in a wrong way, that i asked for somwthing too much. She told mw i had to apologize to him. She FORCED me to apologize, he never did.

When i would say that he has to apologize, they told me that i should be ashamed. He never showed mercy. And then i told my grandma on my moms side. Same thing. I told my aunt. Same thing.

I will never talk to these bastards ever again.

Location: Georgia
I was going through some financial and mental health difficult last year and my sister offered to let me move into the house with her in-laws her husband and their two kids. While I got back up on my feet, the husband kept on accuse me of being lazy. He said he would train me but ultimately speaking our first few months were OK. Around September I broke my ankle and as I couldn’t do work around the house, especially the a few days after my ankle was broken. They started getting upset. In fact, the first Monday after I broke my ankle, falling down there stairs I worked about four hours trying to figure out how to get back to my job. This is when they started to get tense he was always yelling at me saying he was gonna withdrawal support for the storage unit and my insurance. I would try to gray rock hold my headphones down to say hey I’m not listening I’m done with this conversation His name and he would try to take my headphones off. Next, his mom and him were upset with us spending all day at their house so they started telling me that I must go to the library especially because it was causing my sister’s husband and I was staying there full-time and they were stressed because he would yell at me and I would fight back or gray rock. In October, he starts waking me up every day at 7 Am. He would also shine lights into my eyes. Knowing that I was sensitive to light. At night, he would yell at me again for lying down all day because I was back before him. Around this time, I believe he started putting a camera which my sister claims was off into front of my room so that way the door was open the camera I can look into it. So every night I would get yelled at and every morning I would get yelled at. He would also come into my room, stripped out to his underwear because it was the laundry room and tell me about the stuff that he had on his scrubs that day knowing that I was a afraid of germs. And then calling me lazy. They would also turn off the Internet so I couldn’t do my schoolwork or my actual work. I have a text evidence of this. I believe around January he told me that he was watching how often I would go to the bathroom on the camera. He would also take pictures into my car and send them to me I tried talking to his mom and to my sister they would take his side. In fact, his mom was basically like if he starts a fight you’re at fault leave even if I was doing my homework. The final morning I was there. He woke me up at 5:37 AM to sharpen his knives in my room. This all happened in Georgia. Is there anything I can do to get back money because I believe that he caused my failing last semester and getting kicked out out of school is there anything I can do? I have recordings , a text messages of all of this.

Sometimes I want to complain about something my parents said but when I write it down, it seems so miniscule.

It's just that all the "small" hurtful things they said accumulated over the years so when I describe a single instance, it seems small.

I've been physically abused too but I feel like the emotional abuse hurts more, yet its taken less seriously.

And to be honest, sometimes I'm hurt more by my parents inaction rather than their abuse on its own. A small hurtful comment hurts a lot more when we already never speak to each other and they don't show any care and interest in me. It's like, yes, the one time you are going to speak to me and its to make me feel bad.

If it was one hurtful comment and they're otherwise great, I'd feel less angry. But its a hurtful comment in the absence of positive experiences they give me.

Anyone else?

Two things to start this off: I have trouble going to school and was able to less and less over the last year. My parents are separated but not yet divorced so we don't have schedules for where I go and when.

At the begging of this year, my mom had enough of me and brought me to my dad. In the evening he told me that she didn't want me to come home. I was very angry and sick because I didn't even know when I was allowed to come back. I couldn't eat (also because I need very specific foods) and didn't have any of my things.

I went home the next day but very late in the evening. I was very hungry (because I also hadn't had dinner the day before I was kicked out) and was trying to make myself food as quickly as possible. My mom stopped me and forbade me from cooking. When I didn't stopy she pushed me out of the kitchen and continued to do so. I was crying and begging her to let me eat something and telling her that I hadn't eaten anything the past few days but she didn't let up and told me that she wanted to talk to me first. This continued until I ended up hitting her repeatedly. That was when she slapped me.

I obviously know that I shouldn't have been hitting her but I felt really ignored and hungry and not cared for. I'm not physically strong and also do not have any control over her because I'm a child. I'm not asking if I should've hit her but if it was alright for her to hit me since it was basically self-defence? Sorry if this sounds silly or if you think I'm a bad person.

hi uh idek how to type this out without rambling on and on but here I go lmao

im a teenager, one of my closest online friends is a year older. I’m Australian, they’re American, blah blah whatever. We’re close, the kind of close where we know the deepest most horrid traumas of one another and also tell each other weird shit like “I found a mint in my underwear” (true story btw)

anyway so, trying to stay anonymous while knowing they don’t even have any social media but we always talk about our mutually abusive families, abusive in different ways, past abuse, etc etc. Their family is disgusting. Like I can’t even put this into words, I went through some horrid shit but the things they tell me make me sick. They’re mildly suicidal, have panic attacks frequently, both parents are nicotine addicts and abusive in their own ways. theyre rich and don’t even realise it, the kinda rich where they can spend thousands in a day and not blink. Some smaller stories from their family life without going into too much detail: mom‘ smashed all their devices recently, they were the one to get in trouble for not having a phone to text their dad the next day. they can’t leave their room after 11pm, get screamed at for eating after 10pm, yelled at for not leaving their room for the day, gets yelled at for being OUT of their room throughout the day. got slapped across the face by a friend and then said it was a “small problem” and was confused when I got upset and asked if they were okay. tried to commit suicide and was then mocked for not swimming while on vacation with two broken legs. yelled at for defending themself against their blatantly abuse siblings. got mocked for being supposedly depressed while actively being depressed. exact words from them: “I like my mom more, she’s more fun. I’ve been hanging out with my dad less, he’s so rude and arrogant and physical. my mom is nice, even if she doesn’t like talking to me. She does yell a lot tho. (+ smth else I don’t remember)”. they tell me so often about getting yelled at all the time, having to sneak downstairs for any food because they end up sleeping all day from stress, getting yelled at for falling asleep during the day even when they’ve had 2 hours of sleep. expected to be okay with being blatantly attacked and thrown to the ground by their father because “dad is a bit rough and I’m the only one he actually wrestles with :/“. there’s so much more I won’t go into detail about for their privacy, some things I don’t remember (I have memory problems), or bc it’s too dark to type for me.

their favourite fucking phrase after telling me their abuse story of the day is “I love my parents tho” “I love my parent sm tho”. we’ve had multiple conversations about how abusive my family is, how abuse their family is, they have said multiple times about how they know they’re the least favourite while being basically beaten through body-slams for not playing with their sister at the beach. every time I explain in detail exactly what’s wrong with their family, it just gets me another avoidant “well I love them tho”. I can’t even say what I want to say to them because we talk on fucking Roblox (sue me, I’m a teenager and their family is “strict”)

My (19) parents found out that I’m in a relationship with my lesbian best friend. They have a history of being homophobic (kicking out my gay 16 y/o cousin that lived with us), and they’re the kind of Asian parents that are unfortunately anti-black… which makes my relationship 1000x worse in their minds. They know where my partner lives, since we were best friends for years, and have been threatening to “out” us to and harass their parents. Before this, they’ve harassed my other best friend’s family when I left for a year, after a difficult day with my dad. They’ve harassed one of my cousin’s and her mother, who tried to help get me and my sister out of a youth center that we were sent at, after an altercation with our father. During my first relationship, they called the police twice on my ex’s family. That police scare made it difficult for me to see her since her family didn’t want her to be anywhere near my crazy parents.

They came to places I’ve been to just to yell and hit me in public in front of my friends, knowing that I would be too embarrassed to fight back. Afterwards, all those friends stopped talking to me when they realized how insane my parents were.

Every time I’m out, they spam call me and yell at me about being with my partner. We argue and fight every day about it. I’m just sick and tired and want them to stop. I want to leave my home but I’m scared they’re going to harass whoever helps me leave.

I’m sorry if the format is off, first time poster :p

If anyone can give me advice, I’m open.

Hello everyone, sorry for my English … my English sucks. but I really hate my mom, like seriously. Every time we arguing she insults me and then manipulates me, like “mom, every normal mom buys her daughter new clothes, and I need some because I don’t have so much pants like my classmates” she will always get angry at me and starts yelling at me like “you have your father, let him buy it. Why I need to do this?” “Mom… because I live with you… and you need do this as my mom” and she always like “I don’t own you anything.”

Like WTF. And always like this, she likes manipulating, she always writes to her friends that I AM BAD DAUGHTER. And she is such a good mother, like “she never insults me” but that’s not true. And YES we have been talking about that, and when i say this facts, and she cries and says “if you don’t want life with me then go ahead and live with your f*cking father who will kill you” , and I tired of this crap, every argument with her like this. Some days she loves me some days not.

And she says “she don’t cares about me” then when I say that I gonna get some tattoos, and she like “No, I gonna kill you if you gonna do that” or “when you get married then do whatever you want”
And I hate that. I hate my life. I hate my family.

For background, my dad was abusive toward my mom and me and my siblings. He used to beat my mom, threaten her with a knife, etc. Towards me, he starved me several times, stopped talking to me for months to years for no reason (ex: i once went to the bathroom at 2pm while he was napping it woke him up he beat the f out of me and didn’t talk to me for a year, I was 9), made me eat out
of the trash and much more .

I’m now 19 and don’t give any fucks about him tbh. At the moment, he’s not talking to me for whatever reason. And this time I was like nah fuck him I’m not gonna continue being nice. I was speaking with my mom to who I said that I’ll move out soon and cut contact w him. EVERYTIME, I talk shit about him or list bad things he did it’s always “we have to forgive people” “he’s not as bad as he used to be” “we have to look at the positive side” “he loves you despite everything” “he’s just like that you can’t change him what do you want us to do throw him away?” and she’s been so passive about everything we went through and when I cry about all that I went through because of him she starts crying about “I thought I did everything to protect you” no you didn’t, you just had to leave him. I hate how she used us as an excuse like when they broke up it was for us and when they got back together it was for us no miss girl it’s for you. After a few weeks she saw that I was not mad or under any emotion I mean it I want him out of my life she got all into justification mode saying you weren’t the easiest child to raise either you talked back you were always rebellious and in revolution stuff like this and that hurt me deeply because no matter what anyone says I never deserved it and it hurts me that she justifies it when she doesn’t earn anything in exchange he’s broke, ugly, mean, all bad stuff so there’s not even place for that. I asked her why can’t she just tell me that my feelings are valid and that he was bad, and she’s like yeah he’s a piece of shit he made mistakes everyone makes mistakes you’re gonna make them too, I said yes mistakes are okay but these are not mistakes they’re heart breaking actions that changed who I am.

I could keep writing till tommorow but I won’t, everytime I open up she says my depression makes me biased and tht we’ll talk abt it once “I’m better”. Why does she keep defending him? Why did she never chose US? Why do I feel crazy ?