u/Alone_Valuable_3420

I’m 16M, my sister is 18F, and we have younger brothers. I need advice because things have got more complicated and I’m being pressured to just make up with my dad.
What happened last weekend:
My dad made a comment about my sister’s weight to my younger brothers. When she didn’t want to go somewhere with him because of it, he came into the house, slammed the door, and started screaming at us. He called us “little cunts,” “selfish little backstabbers,” and said we were just like our mum. He was throwing things, got in my face on the stairs to intimidate me, and kicked me and my sister out. We had to call an Uber to our mum’s.
Before this he had already threatened to kill himself / slit his wrists over spilling some waffle batter. During the argument he again said he was going to kill himself. He’s also put a knife to his neck at one point. Afterwards in the family group chat he posted long messages about how much he’s sacrificed, blamed us for his second wife leaving, called us ungrateful and lazy, and said we make him want to kill himself. He later gave a partial apology but still blamed us.
He’s also threatened to cancel gym memberships, freeze our phones/SIMs, freeze bank cards, sell devices, and destroy some of my things (some of which I own).
Background:
This isn’t the first time. When I was about 6 he pinned my mum against a wall screaming, I tried to step in, and he pushed me to the floor and knocked me out. Another time he threw me against a wall in the driveway for not wanting to go to the beach. He’s been getting angrier over small things for a while (even getting mad at me for saying “excuse me” when I couldn’t hear him).
My younger brothers were at his parents’ house during the big argument, got upset, cried, and messaged him calling him abusive. My grandparents on his side comforted them and at first said what he did wasn’t right. My sister has some of the argument on video.
What’s happening now:
I’m staying at my mum’s. My dad has asked if we can “make peace.” My grandad (dad’s side) has been messaging me telling me everything can be fixed easily, that dad doesn’t really mean the suicide stuff (he says his own mother used to threaten to hang herself and never meant it), that dad just needs more appreciation and respect from us, and that I should text dad asking if he’s okay. He’s pushing me hard to contact him and make up quickly.
I still love my dad, but I don’t trust going back yet. I told my grandad I need space because of the threats and the way dad acted, but he’s still minimising it and pressuring me.
AITA for refusing to make contact and make peace right now? How long should I stay away? Any advice on dealing with the pressure from my grandad would help.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

I’m 16M, my sister is 18F, and we have younger brothers. I need advice because things have got more complicated and I’m being pressured to just make up with my dad.
What happened last weekend:
My dad made a comment about my sister’s weight to my younger brothers. When she didn’t want to go somewhere with him because of it, he came into the house, slammed the door, and started screaming at us. He called us “little cunts,” “selfish little backstabbers,” and said we were just like our mum. He was throwing things, got in my face on the stairs to intimidate me, and kicked me and my sister out. We had to call an Uber to our mum’s.
Before this he had already threatened to kill himself / slit his wrists over spilling some waffle batter. During the argument he again said he was going to kill himself. He’s also put a knife to his neck at one point. Afterwards in the family group chat he posted long messages about how much he’s sacrificed, blamed us for his second wife leaving, called us ungrateful and lazy, and said we make him want to kill himself. He later gave a partial apology but still blamed us.
He’s also threatened to cancel gym memberships, freeze our phones/SIMs, freeze bank cards, sell devices, and destroy some of my things (some of which I own).
Background:
This isn’t the first time. When I was about 6 he pinned my mum against a wall screaming, I tried to step in, and he pushed me to the floor and knocked me out. Another time he threw me against a wall in the driveway for not wanting to go to the beach. He’s been getting angrier over small things for a while (even getting mad at me for saying “excuse me” when I couldn’t hear him).
My younger brothers were at his parents’ house during the big argument, got upset, cried, and messaged him calling him abusive. My grandparents on his side comforted them and at first said what he did wasn’t right. My sister has some of the argument on video.
What’s happening now:
I’m staying at my mum’s. My dad has asked if we can “make peace.” My grandad (dad’s side) has been messaging me telling me everything can be fixed easily, that dad doesn’t really mean the suicide stuff (he says his own mother used to threaten to hang herself and never meant it), that dad just needs more appreciation and respect from us, and that I should text dad asking if he’s okay. He’s pushing me hard to contact him and make up quickly.
I still love my dad, but I don’t trust going back yet. I told my grandad I need space because of the threats and the way dad acted, but he’s still minimising it and pressuring me.
AITA for refusing to make contact and make peace right now? How long should I stay away? Any advice on dealing with the pressure from my grandad would help

I’m 16, my sister just turned 18, and we have younger brothers. This happened today and I’m still shaking a bit. I need outside opinions because I’m second-guessing myself.
Earlier my dad was making waffles and spilled a bit of batter. He got really frustrated and threatened to kill himself / slit his wrists over it. Later he was dropping my younger brothers at my grandparents’ (his side). While he was there he made a comment to the boys about my sister “gaining weight.”
When he came back he wanted me and my sister to get in the car to go to a garden centre. My sister messaged him saying she didn’t want to because of what he’d said about her and that she was upset. He came inside, slammed the door, and started screaming at us. He called us selfish, little cunts, selfish little backstabbers, and said we were just like our mum. He was really going off.
I stepped in front of my sister and told him he was being selfish and abusive. I also brought up the suicide threat and said threatening to end his life over spilled batter was manipulative. He got louder to intimidate us, told us to get out, and later rushed up the stairs and got right in my face. I told him to piss off and shut the door. We had to pack and call an Uber to our mum’s.
While this was going on my younger brothers were still at my grandparents’. They got upset, started crying, and even messaged my dad saying he was being abusive. My grandparents had to comfort them. My sister recorded some of what he was saying to us. My grandma saw the video and said he was being horrible. My mum went and picked my brothers up, and my grandparents said they were going to talk to him because they didn’t think what he did was right.
After we left he started posting long messages in the family group chat. He listed everything he’s ever done for us, said he’s given up his life for us, blamed us for his second wife leaving him, called us ungrateful, posted photos of messy rooms, said we “turn on him,” and claimed we’re lazy and rot all day (it’s the summer holidays – I just finished GCSEs, my sister finished college, the boys finished year 7, and we do go out and see friends every few days). He eventually said he was sorry for talking about killing himself and that it was “figurative” and said out of frustration, but then immediately went back to saying we’re treating him with contempt and that we all need to improve too.
I know I said some harsh things back (called him a manipulative liar, told him to shut up, etc.). Part of me feels guilty for that and wonders if I made it worse. The other part of me feels like I was just trying to stop him attacking my sister and to get him to stop the threats and intimidation.
AITA for how I handled it? Was I wrong to speak to him the way I did? Any advice on what to do from here would really help.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

I’m 16, my sister just turned 18, and we have younger brothers. This happened today and I’m still shaking a bit. I need outside opinions because I’m second-guessing myself.
Earlier my dad was making waffles and spilled a bit of batter. He got really frustrated and threatened to kill himself / slit his wrists over it. Later he was dropping my younger brothers at my grandparents’ (his side). While he was there he made a comment to the boys about my sister “gaining weight.”
When he came back he wanted me and my sister to get in the car to go to a garden centre. My sister messaged him saying she didn’t want to because of what he’d said about her and that she was upset. He came inside, slammed the door, and started screaming at us. He called us selfish, little cunts, selfish little backstabbers, and said we were just like our mum. He was really going off.
I stepped in front of my sister and told him he was being selfish and abusive. I also brought up the suicide threat and said threatening to end his life over spilled batter was manipulative. He got louder to intimidate us, told us to get out, and later rushed up the stairs and got right in my face. I told him to piss off and shut the door. We had to pack and call an Uber to our mum’s.
While this was going on my younger brothers were still at my grandparents’. They got upset, started crying, and even messaged my dad saying he was being abusive. My grandparents had to comfort them. My sister recorded some of what he was saying to us. My grandma saw the video and said he was being horrible. My mum went and picked my brothers up, and my grandparents said they were going to talk to him because they didn’t think what he did was right.
After we left he started posting long messages in the family group chat. He listed everything he’s ever done for us, said he’s given up his life for us, blamed us for his second wife leaving him, called us ungrateful, posted photos of messy rooms, said we “turn on him,” and claimed we’re lazy and rot all day (it’s the summer holidays – I just finished GCSEs, my sister finished college, the boys finished year 7, and we do go out and see friends every few days). He eventually said he was sorry for talking about killing himself and that it was “figurative” and said out of frustration, but then immediately went back to saying we’re treating him with contempt and that we all need to improve too.
I know I said some harsh things back (called him a manipulative liar, told him to shut up, etc.). Part of me feels guilty for that and wonders if I made it worse. The other part of me feels like I was just trying to stop him attacking my sister and to get him to stop the threats and intimidation.
AITA for how I handled it? Was I wrong to speak to him the way I did? Any advice on what to do from here would really help.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​