u/HungryCoyote8335

For background, my dad was abusive toward my mom and me and my siblings. He used to beat my mom, threaten her with a knife, etc. Towards me, he starved me several times, stopped talking to me for months to years for no reason (ex: i once went to the bathroom at 2pm while he was napping it woke him up he beat the f out of me and didn’t talk to me for a year, I was 9), made me eat out
of the trash and much more .

I’m now 19 and don’t give any fucks about him tbh. At the moment, he’s not talking to me for whatever reason. And this time I was like nah fuck him I’m not gonna continue being nice. I was speaking with my mom to who I said that I’ll move out soon and cut contact w him. EVERYTIME, I talk shit about him or list bad things he did it’s always “we have to forgive people” “he’s not as bad as he used to be” “we have to look at the positive side” “he loves you despite everything” “he’s just like that you can’t change him what do you want us to do throw him away?” and she’s been so passive about everything we went through and when I cry about all that I went through because of him she starts crying about “I thought I did everything to protect you” no you didn’t, you just had to leave him. I hate how she used us as an excuse like when they broke up it was for us and when they got back together it was for us no miss girl it’s for you. After a few weeks she saw that I was not mad or under any emotion I mean it I want him out of my life she got all into justification mode saying you weren’t the easiest child to raise either you talked back you were always rebellious and in revolution stuff like this and that hurt me deeply because no matter what anyone says I never deserved it and it hurts me that she justifies it when she doesn’t earn anything in exchange he’s broke, ugly, mean, all bad stuff so there’s not even place for that. I asked her why can’t she just tell me that my feelings are valid and that he was bad, and she’s like yeah he’s a piece of shit he made mistakes everyone makes mistakes you’re gonna make them too, I said yes mistakes are okay but these are not mistakes they’re heart breaking actions that changed who I am.

I could keep writing till tommorow but I won’t, everytime I open up she says my depression makes me biased and tht we’ll talk abt it once “I’m better”. Why does she keep defending him? Why did she never chose US? Why do I feel crazy ?

I’m a woman, 19, and I’m so tired of my trashy narcissistic dad. I don’t have a solution for now, I’m desperately looking for a job to earn money and leave but it’s hard. Seeing his mean ass looks while my mom swears “he loves me”, his presence disgusts me, everything he does I’m fed up with.

For some background, my dad used silent treatment to mentally trap my sibling and I and I’m talking months to years of that shit. When I was 8, he stopped talking to me for 2 years because I woke up and went on my ipad instead of going and drinking my milk while home alone. When I was 9, he beat me for hours because I woke him up by going to the bathroom (it was 1pm and he was unemployed and spends his time sleeping). Every summer, he stopped talking to me as an excuse to not take me out to the pool and such things as my mom suggested (she couldn’t cause she was the provider). All that, and we still had to go hug him and kiss him goodmorning, goodnight, etc. At 12, after years of emotional and physical torture, I was like “well you don’t talk to me I’m not talking to you” so I stopped greeting him and all and he went to my mom to complain about it all. So basically, I was forced to still go to him just for him to act like I do not exist. Like it was thrilling for him. When my mom was pregnant with me, he stopped talking to her for 3 weeks because he didn’t want another kid. When I was a baby he never held me. My mom told me once I was crying during the night, I was about 7 months old, and he said “I swear if you don’t shut her the hell up I’ll get up and do it myself”. He beat my mom multiple times, she once crawled to me during the night to say goodbye cause she was convinced he was gonna kill her, he then grabbed her by the feet and beat her all night long. He once strangled my mom and told her if she ever left him he’ll kill her she screamed kill me then and went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and was so close to her face until my older brother did something. When I was 5, I farted while we were eating and I found that funny, he proceeded to tell me to get the fuck out of the kitchen and I was not fed for 4 days after that, I had to “learn” how to eat in community. Even despite all that, he was insufferable, everything you could say or do could trigger him. And my mom was always on his side.

It was continuous abusive stuff till I was 14 and my mom finally called the police after he beat her. He was arrested and charged with domestic violence and threats. I was impressed because I’ve always seen my mom as a submissive person and I thought very badly of her for never standing up to him for us. It was the best time of my life. When he got out I refused to talk to him but eventually was forced to because my mom took him back even with the pending restraining order. He was changed at first, he went to therapy to control his anger, but it didn’t last obviously. It started again but this time I changed. When he ignored me for months or got mad, I simply did not give a fuck or acknowledge him.

I recently (2 weeks ago) took some clothes and left the house, they all begged me to come back. He asked to see me, I accepted, we talked and he asked me to come home which I refused, he then left. At around 2am, I went back to my house, I didn’t want to couch surf of live in misery. I was like I’ll go back make some money and leave again but with the capital to do so. He then stopped talking to me and according to my mom he took it so personally that I didn’t come back when he asked me to because he was sure he’ll be able to. I don’t give a fuck but at the same time I’ve been struggling with severe depression for a few months (I was diagnosed I’m not self diagnosed) and I’m so sad because what did I do to ever deserve that type of dad.

We all grew up, my brother says “it’s not that deep” and goes on with his life I barely see him, my mom as always justifies “he loves you still”, “he’s like that we can’t change him we have to tolerate him the way he is” but I told her that the tolerance she always forced on us lead to resentment, I said he could die and I couldn’t care less, I said that as soon as I move out I’m done with him, she thinks I don’t mean it and that I’ll regret that if he dies and he’s always gonna be my father no matter what. She asked me to stop saying things like this about him in front of her because it makes her “uncomfortable”. I asked why she never fought for us and why she always thought me to be silent and let him walk all over me, why did I have to kill my fiesty happy personality to please him she said “because I love him”. My mom was also emotionally abusive but since the thing that happened two weeks ago she’s chill but I kinda have resentment towards her for allowing that, always excuses him and justifies by “his father was a lot worse than that” “some parents sa their kids he’s not that bad” “tolerate he’s like this” why couldn’t he change for us and why couldn’t my mom fought for me. I was just a little girl.

Anyway, seeing him plays a lot on my mental health, those mean looks and the fact he exists, I can’t. NI’m so desperate, I don’t know about life anymore.

I’m a woman, 19, and I’m so tired of my trashy narcissistic dad. I don’t have a solution for now, I’m desperately looking for a job to earn money and leave but it’s hard. Seeing his mean ass looks while my mom swears “he loves me”, his presence disgusts me, everything he does I’m fed up with.

For some background, my dad used silent treatment to mentally trap my sibling and I and I’m talking months to years of that shit. When I was 8, he stopped talking to me for 2 years because I woke up and went on my ipad instead of going and drinking my milk while home alone. When I was 9, he beat me for hours because I woke him up by going to the bathroom (it was 1pm and he was unemployed and spends his time sleeping). Every summer, he stopped talking to me as an excuse to not take me out to the pool and such things as my mom suggested (she couldn’t cause she was the provider). All that, and we still had to go hug him and kiss him goodmorning, goodnight, etc. At 12, after years of emotional and physical torture, I was like “well you don’t talk to me I’m not talking to you” so I stopped greeting him and all and he went to my mom to complain about it all. So basically, I was forced to still go to him just for him to act like I do not exist. Like it was thrilling for him. When my mom was pregnant with me, he stopped talking to her for 3 weeks because he didn’t want another kid. When I was a baby he never held me. My mom told me once I was crying during the night, I was about 7 months old, and he said “I swear if you don’t shut her the hell up I’ll get up and do it myself”. He beat my mom multiple times, she once crawled to me during the night to say goodbye cause she was convinced he was gonna kill her, he then grabbed her by the feet and beat her all night long. He once strangled my mom and told her if she ever left him he’ll kill her she screamed kill me then and went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and was so close to her face until my older brother did something. When I was 5, I farted while we were eating and I found that funny, he proceeded to tell me to get the fuck out of the kitchen and I was not fed for 4 days after that, I had to “learn” how to eat in community. Even despite all that, he was insufferable, everything you could say or do could trigger him. And my mom was always on his side.

It was continuous abusive stuff till I was 14 and my mom finally called the police after he beat her. He was arrested and charged with domestic violence and threats. I was impressed because I’ve always seen my mom as a submissive person and I thought very badly of her for never standing up to him for us. It was the best time of my life. When he got out I refused to talk to him but eventually was forced to because my mom took him back even with the pending restraining order. He was changed at first, he went to therapy to control his anger, but it didn’t last obviously. It started again but this time I changed. When he ignored me for months or got mad, I simply did not give a fuck or acknowledge him.

I recently (2 weeks ago) took some clothes and left the house, they all begged me to come back. He asked to see me, I accepted, we talked and he asked me to come home which I refused, he then left. At around 2am, I went back to my house, I didn’t want to couch surf of live in misery. I was like I’ll go back make some money and leave again but with the capital to do so. He then stopped talking to me and according to my mom he took it so personally that I didn’t come back when he asked me to because he was sure he’ll be able to. I don’t give a fuck but at the same time I’ve been struggling with severe depression for a few months (I was diagnosed I’m not self diagnosed) and I’m so sad because what did I do to ever deserve that type of dad.

We all grew up, my brother says “it’s not that deep” and goes on with his life I barely see him, my mom as always justifies “he loves you still”, “he’s like that we can’t change him we have to tolerate him the way he is” but I told her that the tolerance she always forced on us lead to resentment, I said he could die and I couldn’t care less, I said that as soon as I move out I’m done with him, she thinks I don’t mean it and that I’ll regret that if he dies and he’s always gonna be my father no matter what. She asked me to stop saying things like this about him in front of her because it makes her “uncomfortable”. I asked why she never fought for us and why she always thought me to be silent and let him walk all over me, why did I have to kill my fiesty happy personality to please him she said “because I love him”. My mom was also emotionally abusive but since the thing that happened two weeks ago she’s chill but I kinda have resentment towards her for allowing that, always excuses him and justifies by “his father was a lot worse than that” “some parents sa their kids he’s not that bad” “tolerate he’s like this” why couldn’t he change for us and why couldn’t my mom fought for me. I was just a little girl.

Anyway, seeing him plays a lot on my mental health, those mean looks and the fact he exists, I can’t. NI’m so desperate, I don’t know about life anymore.

I’m a woman, 19, and I’m so tired of my trashy narcissistic dad. I don’t have a solution for now, I’m desperately looking for a job to earn money and leave but it’s hard. Seeing his mean ass looks while my mom swears “he loves me”, his presence disgusts me, everything he does I’m fed up with.

For some background, my dad used silent treatment to mentally trap my sibling and I and I’m talking months to years of that shit. When I was 8, he stopped talking to me for 2 years because I woke up and went on my ipad instead of going and drinking my milk while home alone. When I was 9, he beat me for hours because I woke him up by going to the bathroom (it was 1pm and he was unemployed and spends his time sleeping). Every summer, he stopped talking to me as an excuse to not take me out to the pool and such things as my mom suggested (she couldn’t cause she was the provider). All that, and we still had to go hug him and kiss him goodmorning, goodnight, etc. At 12, after years of emotional and physical torture, I was like “well you don’t talk to me I’m not talking to you” so I stopped greeting him and all and he went to my mom to complain about it all. So basically, I was forced to still go to him just for him to act like I do not exist. Like it was thrilling for him. When my mom was pregnant with me, he stopped talking to her for 3 weeks because he didn’t want another kid. When I was a baby he never held me. My mom told me once I was crying during the night, I was about 7 months old, and he said “I swear if you don’t shut her the hell up I’ll get up and do it myself”. He beat my mom multiple times, she once crawled to me during the night to say goodbye cause she was convinced he was gonna kill her, he then grabbed her by the feet and beat her all night long. He once strangled my mom and told her if she ever left him he’ll kill her she screamed kill me then and went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and was so close to her face until my older brother did something. When I was 5, I farted while we were eating and I found that funny, he proceeded to tell me to get the fuck out of the kitchen and I was not fed for 4 days after that, I had to “learn” how to eat in community. Even despite all that, he was insufferable, everything you could say or do could trigger him. And my mom was always on his side.

It was continuous abusive stuff till I was 14 and my mom finally called the police after he beat her. He was arrested and charged with domestic violence and threats. I was impressed because I’ve always seen my mom as a submissive person and I thought very badly of her for never standing up to him for us. It was the best time of my life. When he got out I refused to talk to him but eventually was forced to because my mom took him back even with the pending restraining order. He was changed at first, he went to therapy to control his anger, but it didn’t last obviously. It started again but this time I changed. When he ignored me for months or got mad, I simply did not give a fuck or acknowledge him.

I recently (2 weeks ago) took some clothes and left the house, they all begged me to come back. He asked to see me, I accepted, we talked and he asked me to come home which I refused, he then left. At around 2am, I went back to my house, I didn’t want to couch surf of live in misery. I was like I’ll go back make some money and leave again but with the capital to do so. He then stopped talking to me and according to my mom he took it so personally that I didn’t come back when he asked me to because he was sure he’ll be able to. I don’t give a fuck but at the same time I’ve been struggling with severe depression for a few months (I was diagnosed I’m not self diagnosed) and I’m so sad because what did I do to ever deserve that type of dad.

We all grew up, my brother says “it’s not that deep” and goes on with his life I barely see him, my mom as always justifies “he loves you still”, “he’s like that we can’t change him we have to tolerate him the way he is” but I told her that the tolerance she always forced on us lead to resentment, I said he could die and I couldn’t care less, I said that as soon as I move out I’m done with him, she thinks I don’t mean it and that I’ll regret that if he dies and he’s always gonna be my father no matter what. She asked me to stop saying things like this about him in front of her because it makes her “uncomfortable”. I asked why she never fought for us and why she always thought me to be silent and let him walk all over me, why did I have to kill my fiesty happy personality to please him she said “because I love him”. My mom was also emotionally abusive but since the thing that happened two weeks ago she’s chill but I kinda have resentment towards her for allowing that, always excuses him and justifies by “his father was a lot worse than that” “some parents sa their kids he’s not that bad” “tolerate he’s like this” why couldn’t he change for us and why couldn’t my mom fought for me. I was just a little girl.

Anyway, seeing him plays a lot on my mental health, those mean looks and the fact he exists, I can’t. NI’m so desperate, I don’t know about life anymore.

I’m a woman, 19, and I’m so tired of my trashy narcissistic dad. I don’t have a solution for now, I’m desperately looking for a job to earn money and leave but it’s hard. Seeing his mean ass looks while my mom swears “he loves me”, his presence disgusts me, everything he does I’m fed up with.

For some background, my dad used silent treatment to mentally trap my sibling and I and I’m talking months to years of that shit. When I was 8, he stopped talking to me for 2 years because I woke up and went on my ipad instead of going and drinking my milk while home alone. When I was 9, he beat me for hours because I woke him up by going to the bathroom (it was 1pm and he was unemployed and spends his time sleeping). Every summer, he stopped talking to me as an excuse to not take me out to the pool and such things as my mom suggested (she couldn’t cause she was the provider). All that, and we still had to go hug him and kiss him goodmorning, goodnight, etc. At 12, after years of emotional and physical torture, I was like “well you don’t talk to me I’m not talking to you” so I stopped greeting him and all and he went to my mom to complain about it all. So basically, I was forced to still go to him just for him to act like I do not exist. Like it was thrilling for him. When my mom was pregnant with me, he stopped talking to her for 3 weeks because he didn’t want another kid. When I was a baby he never held me. My mom told me once I was crying during the night, I was about 7 months old, and he said “I swear if you don’t shut her the hell up I’ll get up and do it myself”. He beat my mom multiple times, she once crawled to me during the night to say goodbye cause she was convinced he was gonna kill her, he then grabbed her by the feet and beat her all night long. He once strangled my mom and told her if she ever left him he’ll kill her she screamed kill me then and went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and was so close to her face until my older brother did something. When I was 5, I farted while we were eating and I found that funny, he proceeded to tell me to get the fuck out of the kitchen and I was not fed for 4 days after that, I had to “learn” how to eat in community. Even despite all that, he was insufferable, everything you could say or do could trigger him. And my mom was always on his side.

It was continuous abusive stuff till I was 14 and my mom finally called the police after he beat her. He was arrested and charged with domestic violence and threats. I was impressed because I’ve always seen my mom as a submissive person and I thought very badly of her for never standing up to him for us. It was the best time of my life. When he got out I refused to talk to him but eventually was forced to because my mom took him back even with the pending restraining order. He was changed at first, he went to therapy to control his anger, but it didn’t last obviously. It started again but this time I changed. When he ignored me for months or got mad, I simply did not give a fuck or acknowledge him.

I recently (2 weeks ago) took some clothes and left the house, they all begged me to come back. He asked to see me, I accepted, we talked and he asked me to come home which I refused, he then left. At around 2am, I went back to my house, I didn’t want to couch surf of live in misery. I was like I’ll go back make some money and leave again but with the capital to do so. He then stopped talking to me and according to my mom he took it so personally that I didn’t come back when he asked me to because he was sure he’ll be able to. I don’t give a fuck but at the same time I’ve been struggling with severe depression for a few months (I was diagnosed I’m not self diagnosed) and I’m so sad because what did I do to ever deserve that type of dad.

We all grew up, my brother says “it’s not that deep” and goes on with his life I barely see him, my mom as always justifies “he loves you still”, “he’s like that we can’t change him we have to tolerate him the way he is” but I told her that the tolerance she always forced on us lead to resentment, I said he could die and I couldn’t care less, I said that as soon as I move out I’m done with him, she thinks I don’t mean it and that I’ll regret that if he dies and he’s always gonna be my father no matter what. She asked me to stop saying things like this about him in front of her because it makes her “uncomfortable”. I asked why she never fought for us and why she always thought me to be silent and let him walk all over me, why did I have to kill my fiesty happy personality to please him she said “because I love him”. My mom was also emotionally abusive but since the thing that happened two weeks ago she’s chill but I kinda have resentment towards her for allowing that, always excuses him and justifies by “his father was a lot worse than that” “some parents sa their kids he’s not that bad” “tolerate he’s like this” why couldn’t he change for us and why couldn’t my mom fought for me. I was just a little girl.

Anyway, seeing him plays a lot on my mental health, those mean looks and the fact he exists, I can’t. NI’m so desperate, I don’t know about life anymore.