u/sheleelove

I was talking about being abused by my high school boyfriend 20 years ago, and she told me ‘why didn't you just tell him to stop?’

ugh

i told her it wasn’t my fault for not knowing what to do. it was his fault for doing it. why am I explaining this to anyone?? she is extremely misogynistic. once again I realize I can’t share anything with her. she doesn’t comfort me, just enjoys my suffering and adds on to it. Pretends to be my support, just so she can keep feeding into and fueling off of my pain.

I really don’t want to give up but I feel like im about to

I don’t trust my mom, because she gets joy from my suffering. I dont share good things, because she becomes passive abusive. I dont share bad things, because she celebrates. I only talk about other people. It’s cold, hollow, and sad. I’ve mourned the loss of someone who is alive. I thought I’d be closer to her at my age. She likes to make friends with younger women and talks about them constantly to me, seemingly to make me jealous. Which isn’t possible, because I want a relationship with who I thought she was.

I just want to make a prayer request for my health and wellbeing. I believe I've been dealing with serious spiritual warfare for many years now. I got sober, barely survived a domestic violence situation, and got serious about God. I live with my mom and stepdad now.

I have reason to believe that something has been following me and wants me to fall back into sin or take my life...

• I've been pressured to drink even though I have made it clear I stopped.
• Then I would tell my mom about certain trauma that I'm trying to heal from, and she would get a big smile on her face.
• I told my stepsister that people at work were rude and she also got a big smile.
• I watched my stepdad almost kill my brother's cat with a huge smile on his face.

It feels like there's a demon working through them. I've prayed a lot about it.

• There was also a time where my mom just randomly flipped me off with a dead blank stare on her face. I felt like it was a spirit.
• A day or 2 later my brother sat in almost the exact same place and flipped me off with a dead blank stare on his face, the exact same way, and for no reason again.

Another weird coincidence,

• On a trip I suggested that my mom do something and she just goes "shut up." It was so out of character.
• My stepmom was looking for something, and I asked her a question, she also said "shut up," seemingly for no reason.
• A couple days ago, I asked my stepsister a question while we were playing a game (she likes it so I thought I'd play as a way to bond) and she yelled "you're so annoying shut up!"

I promise that I was being calm and kind in all of these situations. I'm so easygoing, people tell me I'm too nice.

These are only few examples, but I believe something is trying to bother me. I'm asking for prayers to deal with this. Thank you.

I’m 1 week decaf, I also started my restricted diet at the same time. So I cut out dairy and gluten too. Along with almost all artificial ingredients, and other foods that arent organic or fresh etc as much as possible. So that may be contributing to the fatigue. I assume I’m eating a lot less sugar. The bread is really hard to work around. but this isn’t my first time quitting caffeine so I didn’t feel the need to lean on other foods again. I was just determined to do this. so I’m sleeping strangely and I’m so tired all the time. just taking things slow for now.

Headaches are gone but it almost feels like I have a cold… didn't experience this last time I quit… when will it end ☹️

I want to feel normal please help me

just angry about all the abuse I’ve endured. not sure what to do.