How Do I Get Out? (TW: SA mentioned)
My mother has never been a particularly "good" mother. She's the type that says she cares about you, but then doesn't listen to you when you tell her what you need from her, she doesn't listen because she doesn't want to do that. This has happened more times that I could count, but I've come to a realisation recently.
Yesterday, she forced me into a terrible conversation I told her I didn't want to engage in because it had to do with a recent event where I got assaulted my someone I really love. She didn't listen when I said this. Instead, she shouted to the top of her lungs about the details of my personal trauma where multiple people could hear. She said that she needed to "remind me of what happened" because I am "running away from my problems." I am running from nothing. I think "reminding me" about something I will not be forgetting any time soon is insane. When I told her she kept trying to force me into that conversation without my consent, she said almost confidently, "When have you ever give a f*ck about consent?" Referring to my assaults :) This isn't even everything. She has been very abusive for many years and refuses to acknowledge it, apologise, respect any boundary I try setting up in order to make our relationship smoother. It's a lost cause.
But here's the thing that terrified me: in the same conversation that happened yesterday, she threatened to cut off my phone and isolate me. All of my resources are on my phone. My contacts, my money (that I make myself; I don't ask her for anything), my transport, everything. When I told her she'd literally be isolating me, she said, "If that's what is takes." I (20F) cannot keep living with her, but I have no formal job, no credit, no car, and I can't drive. She pays for my phone but that's it. I can barely think when I am at home. I am asking for an order of operations or something. How do I get out and how do I get out fast?