Body dysmorphia
TLDR; hubby thinks he is helping but he is not. It brings down my self esteem, turns me off from him and makes me feel inadequate.
Hubby (37M) is fit and very much into working out. This is the vice he exchanged for cocaine 15 years ago - we’ve been together 8 years. I (40F) have only gotten into exercising somewhat consistently over the past few years. With diet and exercise, I’ve lost 45lbs and am in the best shape I’ve ever been. I’ve been diagnosed with aggressive degenerative arthritis. Sometimes my joints hurt and I don’t want to exercise because of the pain. Being diagnosed with something at such a young age really messes with you mentally so I try to be as understanding to myself as I would if it was someone else.
I’ve mentioned to husband that I wish I had these habits when I was younger because I have excess skin. Throw in aging with grays, lady changes and sagging breasts, I’m trying to give myself grace and be nice to myself.
I know he is trying to help hold me accountable by his text below and comes from a good place in his mind but it absolutely throws my mind into a bad place. I should mention that my ex and I divorced because he told me that I needed to be more visually appealing to the eye if I wanted him to want me. I’m not sure if it’s because of my past, my sensitivity or the fact that when my husband was checking his email, I saw a promotional email from Ivy Grace - a curvy escort, model, etc. You have to sign up for her mailing list. I can’t help but wonder if he would say this to her if they were dating, wishes I looked like that, if he’s purchased her services when traveling for work, or why sign up for the mailing list at all. Now that I’ll be traveling for work, I am hoping he is wondering what I am doing IF he did anything. Cause while I have body dysmorphia issues, I know I won’t have to pay to get laid BUT it also causes me to want to share my photos on a sub to be rated or elsewhere because I am looking for positive reassurance on my looks which is not healthy nor is it positive attention.
His text:
“I think it’s silly that you spoke to me about wishing you had better habits and then you blew the gym off twice this weekend. I think you do your best at making excuses.
Remember best thing for your knees is building muscle around them, it’s the only thing that works. I find it complete bullshit that you can’t do 30-40 minutes a day.
I think you need to stop with the excuses and figure something else out to motivate and drive you. You’ve been declining pretty consistently for weeks”
I have not yet responded or acknowledged his text.
Would appreciate honest opinions on his text and any advice for me to work through my body issues.