I self - harmed myself and it's not getting better.
It's as the title suggests. I hate myself SO much, and it got better at some point, and then nearly just as bad again. And the first time I did it, it was BAD. My dad nearly caught me, but he didn't. I was doing horribly and I wanted to feel something to distract myself. Instead, the next day, I couldn't help but stare at the scratches that pin had made. Then again tonight. I just kept thinking, reflecting on myself. I'm a lazy piece of shit. And so I did it again. Same way. I scratched myself with that pin, trying to go deep enough to draw blood and I almost did but JUST failed. Yet I felt no pain. Nothing. I feel nothing as I write this. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to die... well, most of the time anyway. But I want to feel SOMETHING and I cannot believe that THIS is what I am now resorting to.