It feels so unfair
I, (21M, 240lbs, diagnosed panic disorder) have been getting constant nighttime panic attacks for the past two weeks. Every single night it feels like my fingers are going numb, then my skin feels wet, I feel hot, then cold, then hot again, I feel something moving inside my stomach, and I can't breathe.
Propranolol isn't helping. Sleep isn't helping. I'm dreading going to bed because I know the panic will set in without fail.
My body is so hyperactive and sensitive to pain it's like it can't even tell what pain is real and what pain isn't. One night I had to cling onto my mother at 3:00 in the morning while she was trying to sleep because I was convinced I was going to die. She's becoming emotionally numb to them at this point, and I'm starting to feel like she isn't taking me seriously anymore, even when I'm genuinely concerned that something is wrong with me.
It's embarrassing having to be cradled by my mother for safety as an adult, but sometimes I just can't get through the night without some reassurance that I'm going to be okay.
If my body wants to convince me that I'm dying, I'd prefer that I be dying, because not being able to trust my own brain to tell me what's wrong with me makes everything just a little bit more unbearable.
I just needed to get this out there, because I can only repeat it to my mom once before it starts feeling empty.