Brother Caring for Elderly Mom Is Also Draining Her Financially
My 80 yo widowed mother is in declining health, and 50 yo unemployed brother lives with her, and helps with groceries, rides to rx appointments, and basic tasks around the house. Here's my problem: he's been freely using her credit card for his own personal expenses, saying he’ll “pay her back,” but months have gone by and nothing has changed.
My Mom's conflict-averse, physically frail, and shrugs when I confront her about this, she shrugs and says, “What can I do?” My brother seems to think she “has money” because she owns a house, but in reality, she only has about $30K/year in income and spends about $60K/year before his expenses are even included, eating into her meager savings to cover the cash shortfall. A reverse mortgage isn't an option; she already has a sizable HELOC against the house. She has a few years of runway left until we have to do something drastic, like sell the house.
I live out of town, so I’m trying to figure out practical ways to protect her financially without completely blowing up the living situation. My brother clearly has no shame, and has no interest in driving a taxi or waiting tables while he "looks" for a job (if that's even happening).
Has anyone dealt with a situation like this? What worked? This is essentially elder abuse.