u/Brave-Good-4279

I don’t care about anything other than creating art. Even then, I have no interest in the history of art or the art technique. Even thinking about questioning that makes me uneasy and upset. I have no interest in other people’s lives or in learning more information about anything. I want to care. I genuinely hate when people talk to me about anything I have to focus on and it makes me feel awful because I care about these people. Online it says to practice empathy but isn’t that just guilt? Put yourself in their shoes, wouldn’t it be awful if you were talking about these things and someone thought what you were thinking. It sounds like guilt to me which I am apprehensive of as I have been diagnosed with OCD and I’m just now getting better with my ocd guilt cycles . I know I sound cold but I would rather be honest here than lie. I want nothing more than to ACTUALLY care and to ACTUALLY be curious. I never have been really in anything other than making things like art. Even then, it's like pulling teeth for me to watch a video explaining a technique to me. I usually watch on 2x even if it's a 10 min video about painting. People think I’m super nice and caring on the outside but I’m really just good at guessing what they want to be told, those who know me better like my boyfriend can see there’s more going on and I really don’t want to be this person I am now. Any information would be helpful thank you!