Hello fellow potatoes and our potato queen!
I’ve been following you Charlotte for some time now and really enjoy all of the drama here. I just got engaged a week ago (YAYYYYYY!!!) and am so excited! I never thought I would be having this much drama this early on but I will be having many updates coming and I will put them in the comments as they come.
I (23F) got engaged to my wonderful fiancé (26M) last Friday. It was beautiful and perfect and his parents surprised me and flew in the night of the proposal for the weekend. It was the best weekend of my life and celebrating our engagement and love for each other. Then the weekend ended and my mother’s many options spilled out of her like vomit… yay.
My mother (49F) married young and had kids young and her husband, my father, was unfortunately present in our lives until I cut him out at 18. Another story for another day. All to say, me, my mom, and my brother all have PTSD and are trauma bonded together. We have always been the three of us together and that’s all. My mom’s biggest fear is being alone. She is determined to never be married again, which means my wedding has become her opportunity to plan HER dream wedding. NO NO NO NO NO.
The other morning my mother waltzed her way into my room and announced she MUST talk to me about my wedding. She is aware that we are planning for an October wedding next year, 1.5 years away. She is not happy we are waiting. She wants us to do the wedding this summer. We are planning to buy a house when his lease is up and a wedding and a house in the same summer is not feasible. Also good luck finding a venue I that amount of time. She is also deeply religious (we both are too) but our views are different. She thinks we shouldn’t live together before we get married and she sat me down and had a multiple hour long talk about how I was living in sin by having sex before marriage (she’s a hypocrite and I know she’s been hooking up with random people for years)
She thinks we need to limit the number of people more, my fiancés mom is one of twelve where as our family is quite small so the guest list is not her business. She thinks he should just choose his favorite family members, and we should be equal on number of invites for each of us, which isn’t going to happen.
She also thinks we should get married on a cruise ship to save cost because everyone pays their own way and then “only the people who really care about you will be there.” Which is untrue. Many of my friends are still in college and have to travel to my state already, they definitely can’t afford that kind of trip so it cuts them out too because college in the US is hella pricey. Her other reason is that it’s also the honeymoon. Idk about you, but I do not want my mother on my honeymoon with me. I plan on enjoying that one with just my husband. It would be weird to have our families there…
And there’s more… but all this to say she scheduled a sit down talk with me and my brother to discuss my wedding, without my fiancé because she feels like it is becoming his wedding and not mine. Not true. She thinks we are not able to afford it. Also not true we make very good money and his parents are chipping in. She doesn’t know that, but even if they weren’t we can still reasonably pay for it. I grew up rather poor which is why she thinks that but it isn’t true anymore. She feels like she is loosing control of me and that is scary for her.
Regardless I will not have any conversations about the wedding without my fiancé present. So I told him the situation and he will be there for the meeting. She doesn’t know this. But we are on the same page and this is our wedding, and he is my family now so he will be included in family discussions especially when it comes to wedding talks. I am sure more drama lama is to come so look to the comments for updates!