u/BreadfruitFluffy691

My boyfriend and I have been dating 10, almost 11 months and have known each other for a very long time prior to this. His parents disapprove of our relationship because my SECOND cousin married his older brother, and they think that makes us cousins (which is factually wrong). We’ve been making progress in trying to work towards changing his parents, mostly the moms, hearts towards the situation. Ive been very polite and have gotten to a point where I’m confident to talk to her kindly and casually, and she seems comfortable as well.

Earlier this week he checked in with them, and they still disapprove “because it’s just weird.” Not only am I sad that nothing had changed, but I’m extremely frustrated that my boyfriend is not taking more active steps to push them out of their comfort zone. He tends to ask them how they feel about it, and that’s it. I asked him if there’s any scenario where we’d continue to date and pursue marriage even if his mom disapproves, and he said it’s too hard to imagine himself estranging their relationship and he couldn’t give me an answer? I get that it’s a hard situation, but it feels like he’s too scared to make his mom angry. It makes me feel so undervalued and he makes it seem like I’m not worth fighting for because he will always choose his moms comfort over mine.

In my humble opinion, his mom’s reasoning is also absolutely absurd, which is why I don’t understand why he doesn’t challenge her at all? She even said she feels bad because she likes me, but she’ll never approve. Not only is it unfair to me, who’s been doing my best to be myself and show up to be kind and thoughtful, but it’s a punch in the gut because I’m fighting against stubbornness and someone that’s unreasonable. I feel like my boyfriend is blind to it and doesn’t even see or understand me at all. He’s been patient but he’s really doing nothing. At what point am I supposed to give up?

I love him very very much, but honestly if this were me and my parents, I would not back down my fight. That’s a very big difference between us. I don’t know if it’s worth staying with somebody who’s always going to make me feel like the other woman.

For a little context, my second cousin (my mom’s cousins daughter) recently got married to my boyfriend’s older brother. We started dating sometime right before their marriage. My parents were super happy, they love my boyfriend and think he’s super kind and fun. My boyfriend’s parents, the mom specifically, have great disapproval towards us because of the fact that my second cousin is married to his brother. She’s super convinced that my boyfriend and I are now cousins, and that we’ll be cousins getting married (which legally is not true, and we share 0 blood).

Boyfriend has been pretty stressed about it, and has been trying to keep peace between both me and his mom. I am able to say hello to her, have light conversations, and overall just be pleasant - her as well. However, I know she still greatly disapproves. My boyfriend is having a hard time discerning our relationship because he doesn’t want to ruin the relationship with his parents.

Recently, I’ve been feeling really frustrated with this. I feel like there will always be time for him to mend his relationship with his mom if we continue to pursue dating, whereas if we break up from this, there is no turning back. At what point does it get too far where he is prioritizing his mom’s comfort over mine? We’ve been dating 11 months, almost a year, and I’m getting tired of this. Maybe I’m not putting it into enough perspective, but it just feels like he’s always going to play it safe when it comes to his mom, even though it feels like she’s constantly asking him to choose between her or me.

I don’t have any hate towards his mom, just frustration because I feel like her reason for disapproving is so factually invalid. At what point do I let this go / how long do I need to fight for this? I love my boyfriend dearly, and his siblings, my second cousin, my family, my second cousins family, and my friends all approve. Only his parents don’t.