Confessions or maybe a cry of help
So hi ppl I'm new with this reddit post forms so I'm just letting everything slides in and i also I'm not from the us or Europe so maybe my ideas and your pov bout mine may be different but idk actually
So I'm dieing i used to believe in a lot of positive things and ideas stay away from drugs and alcohol stay away from self harm stay away from that and that
Personally i used to believe in that because I'm Muslim and also because i loved hard battles like face your problem while you're sober if uk what i mean
I have a lot of mental issues idk how to name em because in where i am we don't believe in mental health it's just a cloud of negativity and it will go away but
After 3 years of hiding my feelings and having no one to stay besides me or hear me talking or someone to hold my hand i start to fall apart especially after how i felt after finally having someone to sit with me irl idc if it was a couple of hours or something but it was real and i am craving for that moment to come back
I lost that girl ik why but i never did anything that much of a wrong that deserves leading me or let's say us towards this break up and me hanging in the middle of idk what Add to that the amount of pressure I've in my life parents uni environment life and how much it is to get money in here dealing with depression and social anxiety and the amount of insecurities i have gathered over time My problem ig is getting attached to quick (i forget how i saw it written on yt) and find it hard to let things go Also when i have a lot of problems going on at the same time i start ignoring everything like eating studying walking or even sleeping just to focus on that one thing that i saw as a motivation or as a goal to reach which is inhis case was my ex long story short for thelast 6 months I did nothing except for laying down in the middle of my messy room punching the wall whenever i can't control the amount of idea and delusional scenarios I'm going through
I have a spot of blood in the wall also for the last month I've been smoking weed and drinking non stop i lost my semester i lost myself i lost everything the child me have believed in
When i had control over the things i tried
I really tried fixing my life i tried fixing my relation withhis girl tried reaching for a friend but all of em rejected i was really in a bad phase bad till the point where all the ppl around me were able to see the pain in my eyes yet here i am before start abusing things i was fighting suicidal thoughts every single day
Like i was not just thinking but "craving" for the idea of being dead because i was tired i was really exhausted to a point where death was the only idea that kept making me feeling released from the stress like what you mean there will be a day where i can just lay down doing nothing literally? Like i tried i really did everything alone yet i failed A one form of "i am crying for help please reach me" was liking sad reels and reposting sad shit on different platform also deactivating my accounts in a random way where it was clear that i am doing it on purpose I'm insecure bout these things yet i was doing them for someone that may think about me for a while yet no one appeared i just wanna be a guest iny funeral and slap the shit out of everybody who may cry over missing me I'm just tired i just can't take it anymore yet I'm going