Potty training struggles; advice!
I have a (4M, soon to be 5). We have been attempting to potty train off and on for a couple years now, which hasn’t been going well. My son refuses to use the potty. He will hold his bladder until the point where he has abdominal pain, and will vomit and have overflow incontinence (3-4 episodes at that point).
I have tried asking him if he needs to go, and he just says no or he doesn’t want to. I have tried telling him that it’s time to try and use the potty at different time intervals (we’re currently doing 1-1.5 hours) and he’ll sit briefly before he says he doesn’t want to go and pulls his underwear up and leaves the bathroom.
We have tried portable small potties (he’s very tall and doesn’t like them). We have tried the potty chairs that go on the toilet but have the bars to place your feet on. (We have tried 2 because he was scared of the bear on the first, so he wanted a frog. And now he doesn’t want a frog). We have also tried the plain little seats that just latch on and his legs dangle down.
We have tried letting him play with warm water in a basin (have also tried this with his feet) with and without toys.
I have tried running water to hear the sound at different speeds. A slow trickle to the entire amount coming out since on two occasions after lunch (in the past) he would pee through underwear while washing his hands.
We have practiced blowing bubbles with a bubble wand, with a water bottle and straw to blow bubbles into the bottle.
We have tried singing multiple songs, and reading books. Ive given him a tablet to watch shows about pottying while on the potty, off the potty.
I’ve tried tickling him. I’ve been working on doing relaxing and breathing techniques with him to no avail and he gets frustrated.
I have asked him if he wants to be in the bathroom alone at the recommendation of my therapist, and he’s said no.
I have had him come in the bathroom with me to see me use the bathroom. He goes in when my mom is in the bathroom. And he’s watched my dad since his dad left when he was 17 months old and hasn’t been involved since.
I’ve offered to try peeing standing, or sitting (he wants to sit). Ive offered to buy a wall mounted urinal and he doesn’t want one.
We cannot really do running around the house naked. We’re renting a house with carpet and we’re also living with my sister and two nieces and they’re not really comfortable with that (there was sexual abuse with my oldest niece). We’re currently using underwear kind of like Upairy, but one that a friend makes. And it’s the same thing. He holds and holds and holds.
We had to take him out of PK3 because he continued the same thing and would cause himself to vomit nearly everyday unless they just let him keep the pull-up on.
We’ve been really excited about it. We have been up front about talking to him about no longer using pull ups and going to underwear. I let him pick out the underwear he wants to wear. He role plays with his stuffed animals, and we even had his stuff koala wearing underwear today with him, and he would play and take his koala to the bathroom when the koala needed to go.
We’ve tried rewards with snacks and toys and stickers to no avail.
Edit to add: He does not have a history of developmental delays. While we have a family history of ADHD, OCD, and Autism (mostly high functioning), he has not showed significant signs where his pediatrician has been concerned or felt needed a follow up. At preschool when he briefly attended, he always acted fine and the teachers had absolutely 0 concerns with him outside the potty issues.
Second edit: To format post better and provide a little more information.