Situation looking for advice
Hey guys. I’m a 20 year old female who is going into their junior year college. I feel so lost in my life and so alone, I constantly have strived to be perfect these past few years after being a train wreck before. The reality is, in both situation, I am so unhappy. I feel like since i was about 14 I’ve been unhappy. Whether it was people pleasing, getting cheated on, life events, running myself to the ground to be the absolute best, etc. this past summer I’ve truly hit my breaking point. Over the past year I’ve been struggling with pretty severe eating issues (same as when I was 14) where I was under eating and depriving myself of life. I also was doing the absolute most in school to distract myself and was living my life to make other people happy. This past summer, I hit a wall. I can’t do it anymore. I wanted to take this semester to focus on my mental and physical health as I have some issues from underrating for so long (such as a missing period). I feel so obligated though to continue with as many obligations as I had before if not more. I tried starting a bunch of different therapy these past few weeks, but nothing helps. I feel so alone and no one gets it. Again this is just one of my many cycles of problems, I feel as if all of this stems from something deeper but I don’t even know myself to know where to begin. I constantly distract myself whether with my ocd thoughts, adhd, anxiety, etc. I don’t know what to do. My parents originally wanted me to take a semester off and go to programs and therapy, but I feel like that would make me more alone. Any advice? I don’t know how to beat this. I fear if I take a semester off I will lose all my progress as (I answer to so many people and it’s so last minute, my friends won’t be home so I’ll be even more alone, etc.) but if I go there I fear the cycle might repeat. Please any advice helps.