AITA for overreacting because my boyfriend spontaneously went to the city I've been wanting to visit together for months
I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (26M) for almost 3 years. We don't argue often, and if we do, we're fine after a few hours once we talk it out. We have very close interests and we love each other. He's my first ever boyfriend, and we've been together for so long that this argument feels like it's happening randomly and for no reason.
For context, I'm going to Montreal this weekend to a nerdy concert with my friends. We've had this trip planned since October of 2025; everything was paid for and planned since then. My bf wasn't interested, nor could he afford it at the time.
I'm a full-time student with 3 different jobs (two of them are seasonal only during school or winter). Summer is when I'm the most free and have time to do stuff. Meanwhile, my bf has been jumping between jobs for a while now. He recently quit due to management issues and didn't have any backup plans. He is doing training for another job right now, but he's somewhat struggling for money, and things are tight. Because of this, we can't really go on dates or do much until he starts getting paid.
For months, I have been asking him to go on a day trip or a weekend getaway with me to Montreal. I’ve been craving that quality time, but it’s always been met with excuses: we’re too busy, we can't afford it right now, schedules are conflicting. I understood and tried to be patient, even though it felt like we never prioritized "us."
We did go on a trip to Toronto recently, but for two different reasons: He was doing a Pokémon regional tournament, and I wanted to go see a friend I haven't seen in ages. We went with a group of 11 people. He was busy with the tournament, and I was busy with my friends. It didn't really feel like a vacation for us, and we barely spent time together. That was fine with me, which is exactly why I wanted to have a trip where we spent time together alone. But that didn't happen because he quit his job, and thus we can't go on any trips until he gets his shit together.
Now here is the issue: I am finally going to Montreal with my friends for our planned trip. Yesterday, my boyfriend suddenly decided on a whim that HE is driving to Montreal on Saturday to play in a Pokémon tournament (a "Cup").
When he first told me, I was like, "Oh cool," because he made it sound like it wasn't far. But then he sent me the location, and it's smack in the middle of downtown Montreal!
It’s not that he’s in the same city as me; it’s the fact that he suddenly found the gas money, the time, and the spontaneity to drive there for a hobby, when he refused to do the exact same thing for our relationship for months.
When I tried to tell him I was hurt, he started getting defensive. He told me I was "blowing it out of proportion," "crazy," and "heated." He brought up his old job from years ago to explain why he was busy then, and even brought up past times we were tired or not in the mood for sex to say "it's both of us" who cancel plans. He basically says it’s "normal" to have separate plans and I’m being ridiculous for being upset that he’s doing a "spontaneous discovery" for himself.
I feel like he’s proving he can make these trips happen, he just won’t do it for me. I’m currently at home having an anxiety attack and have to head to work in an hour, while he’s refusing to call me because I’m "too emotional." My friends think I'm being reasonable, but he’s making me feel like I’m losing my mind.
So, AITA for being upset that he prioritized a Pokémon tournament over the quality time I’ve been begging for?