Will it ever stop feeling this heavy?
My LO is almost 4 months and we've had a slew of issues with breastfeeding—shallow latch, undiagnosed ties, low supply, recurrent clogs/blebs, bottle aversion, slow weight gain, and now a nursing strike. The problem is...I really love nursing. It's just the sweetest thing, and I'm devastated we don't get to do more of it (and that she seems to have less interest now). I also hate pumping, which is what I've relied on for the most part to keep up my supply.
I know I can't keep this up forever. It's taken such a toll on my mental health that on many occasions I think let's just stop now, but then I get a particularly good pump yield or she latches for a full feed and seems satisfied and I feel like maybe it'll get better. But on the whole, it hasn't gotten better.
I think it's time for me to start weaning off the pump—nursing whenever possible, formula for the rest. But the thought of losing nursing eventually keeps stopping me. I hate the idea of giving up because it's this hard rather than stopping on my own terms/because we're ready, and I'm grieving the BF relationship I hoped we'd have. I know this might sound silly, but I'm scared that I'll always feel sad about this. Like she'll be 30 and I'll still be sobbing because we never got to have a breastfeeding relationship that wasn't extremely stressful and because I had to give up before I wanted to. I guess I'd love to hear from others who stopped because it was damaging their mental health...did it ever start to feel less heavy, and if so, how/when?