u/Brilliant_Step_4512

About 6 weeks ago, I submitted an anonymous report to the U.S. Center for SafeSport concerning several incidents and long-standing, on-going patterns of misconduct at our former barn. Our allegations are non-sexual in nature. As a result, our report was referred to the USEF, which is now investigating.

As part of their initial review process, the USEF quickly identified potential (unrelated) rule violations by the two people we reported. Misrepresenting their role, many issues with entry cards, etc. These are not good people.

I just want to share that my experience with the USEF on this has been excellent thus far. I've been communicating with them through an encrypted email, so even though my report was anonymous I am able to respond to questions and provide the USEF with additional information.

Time will tell how it all plays out, but I have no regrets about reporting. We already experienced several acts of retaliation, which I also reported to USEF.

Let the people we reported keep digging their own hole.

I know circumstances are unique and variable, but I just thought I'd share our experience so far, if you are considering submitting a report yourself.

My teenage daughter noticed a horse at the barn with an open saddle sore. She pointed it out to the barn owner (and owner of the horse) and they said "yeah, that happens sometimes." My daughter commented that the horse needed a rest and shouldn't be used in the lesson program until it healed. Barn owner snapped back with "it's my horse and I know what he can handle."

He was not ridden for a while but is now back in work using the same saddle.

Your thoughts?

We have since left that barn.

I don't see much discussion about the heaviness of deciding whether to make a SafeSport complaint. So I'm sharing our experience.

My teenage daughter experienced emotional misconduct, homophobic statements, and harassment by the management at her former barn. When she decided to leave they retaliated against her on their business social media account and by bad-mouthing her with clients and other barns.

The barn has a large youth show team and several adult boarders who think the management walks on water.

We fully realize that making a report could end up being catastrophic for their business, should it result in sanctions.

We recognize this would affect many more people than just the management, including kids at key places in their junior career.

We're concerned for the horses, given how sanctions would have a big impact on their income.

We're painfully aware of long-standing horse welfare issues, and know at least four former clients who would join any complaint about that.

My daughter is very anxious about being in proximity to her former barn management at shows, so she's taking time off. We've found a new barn that feels safe and welcoming, and will focus on the simple joys of riding and being with horses.

After a lot of thought, we've decided to record and file everything away for now. At this point, we just want to put the whole experience behind us.

And yet... we also know my daughter's experience is not an isolated incident. We feel a sense of responsibility to others, and to the horses.

As an abuse survivor myself (not sports-related) this whole experience has been re-traumatizing and enraging. I know full-well how people are quick to scrutinize the victim, and find reasons to rally around abusers. Even people you thought were friends (and family) you could trust.

So we've decided to hold off for now. But if anything else happens we'll be submitting a report to SafeSport.

These are very difficult things for an adult to navigate, much less our kids. I hope people will consider this perspective next time the topic of SafeSport comes up.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone. I do appreciate the feedback. I have decided to submit a report. Sincerely hoping it makes a difference.

When touring a prospective barn one of the first questions is “so where do you ride now?” Or, “Where did you ride? Why did you leave?”

We recently left a barn for a lot of reasons (e.g., toxic environment, horse welfare issues, unprofessional/unethical behavior by management).

How to respond to a prospective new barn when they inevitably ask? Should we decline to name the old barn? Bear in mind most barns in our area know each other personally or by reputation.

Also, we have reason to believe our old barn is bad-mouthing us to other barns, because we’ve heard them do it about other former customers. Not something we can control but just a fact of the situation.

MORE INFO (EDIT): We didn’t have a horse at the former barn, we lessoned only. We’re now in the market for a lease. Through social media posts, we learned our former barn previously leased a couple horses to a place we’re now considering.

We were at the former barn when those horses returned and the BO complained (for years and to this day) that the horses came back “broken.” The BO never named the other barn to my knowledge.

We’ll still tour the prospective barn and make our own determination. I do not trust the former BO. But should I tell a new barn we will not lease any horses from our old barn? I refuse to give them any more money.

When your kid gets into horses and you don’t have much/any experience with the horse world and barn culture, you and your child can be vulnerable to a whole lot.

We recently left a toxic, highly unprofessional barn. I’m frankly embarrassed to say it took awhile to see it clearly.

So I’m sharing 5 red flags I’ve come to recognize. (I have many, many more.)

I may get push-back. The horse world has strong opinions. I’m sharing my direct experience.

Would love to hear your red flags too.

1 - When management frequently claims that no other barn treats horses as well as they do, and then tells horror stories about other barns.
—> They are normalizing their own questionable horse welfare so you think it’s standard or even optimal care.

2 - When management openly bad-mouths kids who have left the barn, saying things like “that kid has some serious problems” or “there’s just something wrong with that kid/family”
—> Beware of anyone who speaks about children in this way. You are entrusting them with your child’s physical, mental and emotional well-being, often without your presence.

3 - When management shares information about other clients being behind in payments and/or overly shares about the barn’s financial health
—> These may be attempts to generate sympathy for them and create a sense of loyalty. All while leading you to overlook their poor business practices and management decisions.

4 - If a horse is visibly back sore or has an open saddle sore but is still being ridden, and you/your child express concern, and management says “it’s my horse, I know what they can handle”
—> This is a major red flag that horse welfare is not a priority. This response both questions your/your child’s good sense, and dismisses the horse’s needs. This speaks volumes.

5 - When management hosts many social gatherings and there is pressure to attend. You may be told “Our barn is so special. No other barn does this! We treat our clients like friends and family.”
—> This may seem like a great thing, until it isn’t. I learned my teen’s show coach offered alcohol to kids “as long as your mom/dad say it’s okay!” (said while laughing and smiling). And, your kid watches their coach/trainer get drunk at these gatherings. And, there are many jokes by management about being hungover at the barn.

I could go on and on. We’ve moved on with clear eyes and hard-earned wisdom about some barns in the horse world.

I’m looking for a barn that treats its clients with kindness and respect. A place that behaves professionally. A place that recognizes hard work. A place that expresses interest in their clients’ personal riding goals and works with them to help get there.

A place that does not concern itself with their clients’ and staff’s sexual preferences or political views. Heck, maybe even a place that considers itself an ally.

A place that turns out their horses for hours each day, unless weather is too dangerous or the horse has a medical issue.

A place that maintains its facilities so the electrical doesn’t spark when you plug something in. A place that provides free potable water for clients, not just a dirty hose in the wash rack.

A place that doesn’t overwork their lesson horses, and that allows them to rest and move freely outside when they’re back sore or when they have open saddle sores.

Am I unrealistic in wanting these things? I really want to know.

My teenage daughter has worked unpaid at a h/j barn for more than three years. 30+ hours/week in the summer. 15+ hours/week during the school year.

She’s dependable and does a wide range of jobs: feeding, cleaning, basic medical care, turnouts, exercising, working with green horses. She’s a very capable catch rider.

What would be considered a fair working student arrangement in this case? Any examples would be appreciated.

We’re leaving this barn in part because of how she’s being treated. A reasonable idea of what an arrangement could look like would help as we look for a new place.

We’d like to move to a new barn but

1 - we know firsthand that our barn’s owner bad mouths anyone who leaves

2 - even if we try to leave on good terms and not voice our (many) grievances we’re confident our barn’s owner will bad mouth us too

3 - my daughter wants to continue riding competitively for another team, but that limits the options and the barn owners in our area call each other the minute a new prospective rider appears from another barn

4 - my daughter is terrified of the above and now feels trapped at a barn with an owner she can’t stand and a trainer she adores

Is this kind of crap common? So frustrated.

When is a high school responsible for updating a college about disciplinary actions taken in the spring semester of a graduating senior? Or, is the student responsible for updating their intended college?

In this case, the senior engaged in extensive and explicit sexting, made repeated requests for naked photos (of my freshman daughter) and violated boundaries established by the high school for student teaching assistant behavior (he was a TA for my daughter's class).

The high school tells me they are not required to inform the college. I feel we have a collective responsibility to ensure this young man's behavior does not persist or escalate in college.