Am I making the biggest mistake of my life leaving a “perfect” boyfriend? F 21 / M 22
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.
He is honestly such a good person. Loyal, kind, stable, caring, supportive. He treats me so well and has been there for me through everything. There’s no huge betrayal or toxic behaviour. Which almost makes this harder.
But recently I keep having this feeling that something is missing and it’s terrifying me because I can’t tell if it’s a real feeling or if I’m self-sabotaging a good relationship.
I’m scared to leave because he feels like home to me. We’ve been together since we were teenagers so I genuinely cannot imagine life without him in it. The thought of starting over with someone new makes me feel physically sick. Having to get to know someone again, be vulnerable again, explain my life/family/culture again, trust someone again… it feels exhausting.
I’m also a different ethnicity to him, and at the start my family struggled to accept the relationship. Over the years they’ve finally gotten comfortable with him and now he’s part of my life completely. The thought of throwing all of that away and having to potentially go through that process again with another person scares me so much.
And what if I regret it?
That’s the thought constantly running through my head.
What if I leave, chase this idea that there could be “more”, and then realise I threw away someone genuinely amazing because I got bored or confused? People always say good men are hard to find and I know that’s true.
At the same time, I don’t know if staying with someone purely because they’re safe and good is enough either. I care about him deeply, but I can’t tell if I’m still in love or just attached to the comfort, history and fear of losing him.
Another thing making this really hard is that in the past he hasn’t taken breakups well at all. He’s said things like he’d hurt himself/k*ll himself before, and ever since then I’ve felt this huge responsibility for his emotions. So now I don’t even know how to end things without feeling terrified about how he’ll react.
If anyone has been through something similar:
• did you regret leaving?
• how did you know it was really over?
• and if your partner was very emotionally dependent on you, how did you safely break up with them?