Struggling to find the will to continue
I've never written something like this or anything on here. I am struggling hard and I guess just need to write it out to get it out of my head.
I 45f am working a job that has been doing nothing but putting me down for the past year. Nothing I do is worthy and I really want to get out and do something else. But ever job I apply for is rejection after rejection. Then to add insult to injury my BF decided to 'take some time' for himself and now won't read/respond or talk at all.
I want to be respectful of what he needs but at the same time I feel shattered and broken and start to ask myself what is the point. I spent years alone and had gotten used to it found my happy kept busy. Then we met and I saw what life could be and what happy really felt like. Then it is all taken away. I don't know how to go back to alone and I don't have anyone that I can really talk to. I don't want to hurt myself or anything like that but I do wonder if anyone would care at all if I just didn't wake up one day. Everyday is a struggle to motivate through the day and I am tired so tired. I wish I could just disappear.