TLDR
I have never made a post like this. i spend lots of time reading peoples reddit stories, but never interact. i find that people are mean, and the world is harsh, but life always moves forward regardless, and noones situations are ever the same nor are they easily comparible to one another.
i appologize in advance that this is a long one. just wanted to get it off my chest to a bunch of strangers that cant judge me in person.
I met this girl on a dating platform. We got along really well over texts. eventually she asked me for my phone number, and we agreed to meet up for the first time. i think around that time we had been talking for 2 months ish. She lived a good distance away from me. i was absolutely willing to make the drive and put in some effort. we spent alot of time talking on the phone throughout those few months.
I didnt know how serious things would actually become with this woman. I spent a weekend there the first time, and we had relations together. it went great, awkward the first night for a short period but we ended up sleeping in the same bed and it felt right. we both had a good time. maybe 2 or 3 weeks later, she invited me to meet once again. we went to her parents house to celebrate a birthday. i met her WHOLE family lol. sibblings, cousins and grandparents. we stayed there for a few days, and her family really liked me. at the end of my time there, the day i left to go home. i asked her to be my girlfriend. ive been single for at least 5 years, with some flings here and there in between. I think i probably asked her a bit to soon, being that that was only the second set of days we had spent together. probably 6 days in total in person. but very consistantly talking on the phone and texting every day, i felt like it was the right time
now she did express to me shortly after this, that she had been talking to another man and sleeping with him, while her and i had been talking. I was totally cool with that. we werent dating yet, and i didnt see a problem with it. maybe a week or 2 after asking her to be my girlfriend she told me this guy had confessed his feelings to her and she seemed kinda torn about it. she utlimately told me that she wanted to be with me because she liked who i was and could see a future with me over this other person. so we continued on. we celebrated both of our birthdays together on seperate weekends (they are only a month apart from eachother) at eachother houses and went out on dates. watched movies over the phone together and played games together
they snapped eachother alot, he was always the top snapchat friend. i expressed my disaproval of this a few times. we had one talk at my house where we got kind of emotional and she assured me that nothing was going on. i kind of shot little snarky comments when she would get off the phone with me to talk to this guy and when he would snap her while i was there. eventually she hit me with a lie, told me she was going to take a nap or something and went to this dudes house. i caught her in the lie via map location and she addmitted where she was. i asked her to be more honest with me about her "friendship" with this guy. maybe a week ago, she told me she was going over there, and i asked her to tell me when she got home. she lied again, told me she was home and actually stayed the night at his house. i didnt find this out until this weekend.
so im over at her house again this weekend. were going through her camera roll just for fun. she had just spent a while looking through my phone, nothing malicious just for fun. i had nothing to hide. i find myself on her snapchat, shes laying there with me, watching me scroll. i ask if i can open his snap that he sent her. theres nothing important there, just a worldless photo of him. but then i click his name. when you scroll down theres a preview of recently saved photos. there is a photo very clearly a photo that she had sent to me from the shower. she had also sent this to him at the same time im guessing. she saw it and reacted how you would imagine, a sharp pull away and into my lap silently taking her phone from my hand. probably hoping i hadnt see what i had.
instead of packing my bag back up and leaving to drive 4 hours back home, i stepped away for a moment and took a breath. we sat down together to discuss it. i view myself as fairly level headed, or a little stupid, at least one of those things so no yelling took place. she went on to admit to me that they had been sleeping together for a large portion of that three months on and off. they live in the same town, and i live far away, so it was easy for her. they had been talking consistently. he knew about me, and had no problem sleeping with her, that doesnt suprise me.
i remained there for the full weekend while we discussed these things. i think i mentally came to the conclusion that i asked her to be my girlfriend to early. and obviously she wasnt ready for any of it. we have been to eachothers houses at least 10 weekends worth of days. we spent 100s of hours on the phone together im sure. we have shared alot of really nice times together. things even felt pretty serious at one point. i am fully aware that its mostly delusion there. that she did like me alot and enjoyed all our time together but did not actually respect me or my feelings.
after having this long weekend talk and alot of tears between both of us. i explained to her that i gave her multiple oportunities to break things off between us if she was unsure over the course of that 3 months. there werent a ton of great answers other than work had been stressful and that she wanted it. but that she also wanted me, a best of both worlds kind of situation. there was quite a bit of honesty that i had not got from her before. my boundaries were layed out on the table, she says that she doesnt want to lose me, and has admitted her wrong doings to me. she has agreed to completly cut this person out of her life, and show me the proof that it has been done. agreed to block him cutting off access to the photos she has shared with him. she says that she wants to have a life with me. I explained that this scenario realistically means starting over. that something like that would take time.
I think that i believe her when she says she wants a life with me. I know theres no way to describe in full detail our conversations, but i did see remorse. not just feeling bad for being caught, but actually regretting the decisions she made. i think that three months is not alot of time, and that it could have been alot longer for these things to be revealed to me. i dont think i would be so willing to be forgiving had it been any longer. I do like this girl, and hope that she means the things that she says after having these difficult conversations. do you think that i am making a mistake by trying to start over with her and trust her this time? i just wanted to hear what people have to say, i have a feeling that i know what most people think. its just nice to hear perspective from folks.
thanks for reading.