AITA for expecting my husband to not embarrass me over a small period stain?
I (35F) have been with my husband (38M) for 15 years, married for almost 9 years.
Last night I kissed him goodnight and was leaving the room when he abruptly said, “can you do something with that gross laundry basket?” I was confused but checked and realized I had accidentally left a pair of my underwear in there with a small amount(dime size) of dried period blood on them, I had surprisingly got my period during a nap so I just peeled them off and tossed them in MY PERSONAL(but open) laundry basket.
I immediately got embarrassed and kind of freaked out asked why he would call that out instead of just ignoring it or tossing something over it and moving on. It’s a normal thing and didn’t need to be pointed out in a way that made me feel gross.
This morning I told him I felt humiliated and asked for an apology. He said my feelings are “my problem,” that he shouldn’t have to look at that, and that he “said it nicely.” He doubled down and said I was at fault for leaving it there, and yes i could have been more mindful but it was a busy day, my son had woken up at the same time and I just changed quickly without thinking about it bc I had child care to tend to. He also went ahead and compared it to him leaving poop in his underwear on the floor, saying it’s the same thing.
This isn’t an isolated issue. He’s made gagging noises before if he goes into the bathroom right after I use it, even though I’ve asked him to give it a minute. It’s gotten to the point where I feel anxious about normal bodily functions around him and try to avoid “setting him off.”
It extends beyond that too. If my body hair isn’t perfectly shaved, he won’t snuggle me and will physically recoil if he feels it. He also won’t have sex with me unless I’ve just showered, but doesn’t hold himself to the same standard. I even asked him once to shower beforehand, and he refused, saying he was “fine” because he had showered hours earlier.
On top of that, he won’t make out and says it’s “disgusting” and something only high schoolers do, so our entire relationship has had almost no kissing or physical affection.
He also doesn’t apologize and tends to either double down or act like nothing happened after conflicts.
I feel like a considerate partner would have just ignored it or handled it quietly, not called attention to it.
I truly feel like a mature, normal partner would have just ignored it or tossed something in to cover it, or went and bought me chocolate bc they know I got my period. But instead I’m now in a fight trying to defend, myself and my period and my mistake of leaving my undies visible in my personal basket.
AITA for being upset and expecting basic consideration here?