Milestone events for teen SD
I’m looking for advice from other step parents who have navigated big milestone years with a teenager when the relationship between households is extremely distant/cold.
My SD is 16yo and we’re starting to think about college visits, graduation, dorm move-in, parents weekend, etc. Her two households have a very strained dynamic. At softball games and events, there is typically no communication at all — not even eye contact. We have attempted polite small talk over the years, but it’s ignored, so eventually we just stopped trying.
Recently, my husband’s father passed away. BM and stepdad both knew him well for decades, yet there was no acknowledgment or condolences at all. It reinforced for me that this likely isn’t something that’s ever going to “warm up” with time.
I also expect to shoulder most — if not all — of SD college expenses, so there will likely be a lot of involvement and coordination surrounding major decisions and milestones over the next several years.
I genuinely want to handle upcoming milestones in the healthiest and least stressful way possible for SD. But because im paying- I want to be there with BD to move her in and celebrate her. I’m trying to think ahead realistically instead of emotionally.
For those who have lived this:
How did you handle college visits and move-in days?
Did you divide time/events?
Did you attend things together but separately?
How did you keep the focus on the child without creating tension or awkwardness?
What worked — and what absolutely did not?
Did the child’s time between households change when child turns 18 and parenting agreement expires?