We have been married for 3 yrs. The beginning was great. He was attentive, gentle, understanding, and it was the first time I truly felt safe. But the past year he’s become more and more distant and I genuinely don’t know how to navigate anymore. I tried bringing it up multiple times but he said it’s just work stress, but overtime it’s felt less like stress and more like emotional withdrawal from our marriage entirely. I signed us up for marriage counseling hoping it would help us communicate better, but most conversations turn into him dismissing my feelings before shutting down completely.
I struggle with overstimulation/social cues sometimes, which he knew from the beginning. At first he was patient, but now it feels like my limits & needs are treated like inconveniences. If I need to step away briefly to regulate, it gets thrown in my face later or just treated like I’m being difficult. I’m trying so hard to improve but I feel like instead of working with me he’s become so resentful towards me.
Another issue is boundaries with other people. His family, friends, and coworkers have made disrespectful comments toward me multiple times and he never says anything. His family mocked me for avoiding eye contact and for bringing my own utensils due to sensory issues, and even when his father yelled at me over the phone my husband still stayed silent. That crushed me. At work events I experienced many situations where women openly ignore or disrespect me right in front of him while focusing entirely on him, and again he doesn’t really step in or acknowledge how uncomfortable it makes me feel.
I’m really struggling to connect with him, it seems the closer I try and get the more he pushes me awyay. With everyone else he’s engaged and expressive. With me he’s emotionally closed off almost all the time. If I try to talk about how distant he feels, he tells me my feeling are “invalid” or says “that’s not how you feel because that’s not the case.” Conversations rarely feel resolved and usually end with more distance between us. At this point we hardly spend time together. He sleeps separately, avoids being home, leaves early & works late often, and we go days barely interacting despite living together. I’ve tried asking for simple things like watching a movie together, eating dinner together, or spending time together but he usually says he’s too tired or busy.
The intimacy issues are difficult for me because it feels less about sex and more about lack of connection overall. We’re rarely intimate there’s very little affection, and when I tried communicating that I wanted more emotional connection, foreplay, and closeness during intimacy, the conversation turned into criticism instead. After I bringing it up, he stopped being intimate entirely. And has not touched me since. What confuses me most is the difference between public and private behavior. In public he acts affectionate, warm, cheerful, and loving toward me. But in private he’s emotionally absent and disconnected completely. deff has me questioning my own reality because outside looking in things probably look perfectly fine.
I know I’m not perfect and I know I can be emotionally intense sometimes. But I genuinely feel like I’m constantly trying to reach someone who no longer wants closeness with me, and I don’t know how to communicate with someone who avoids every attempt at connection. 🤦🏼♀️
I’m trying to figure out how to approach this without making things worse or pushing him further away. I really appreciate advice from people who’ve experienced emotional distance in marriage or relationships where communication completely broke down.
TLDR :my husband of 3 yrs has become emotionally distant, dismissive, avoids communication/intimacy, and acts very different in private vs public. Seeking advice on how to navigate emotional distance and communication issues in marriage.