Friend trapped in abusive relationship with obsessive married man, stalking, threats, trauma bond, suicidal thoughts, don’t know how to help anymore.
Someone very close to me is going through a situation that has become extremely disturbing, and I’m trying to understand how people realistically help someone trapped in something like this.
About 10 years ago, she became friends with a person. He apparently did not seem abusive or dangerous. Over the years they became emotionally very close, and eventually the friendship turned into a relationship. But by then he was a married man.
Things became much more serious emotionally, and during the relationship she became pregnant. She later had an abortion.
The man gradually became extremely controlling, obsessive, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, and physically abusive, he used to beat her up. I’ve personally heard recordings of him screaming at her with all the extremely pathetic curse words that made me nauseous and it honestly sounded terrifying.
Over time, the situation escalated further:
- he started stalking her
- showing up at her workplace
- constantly monitoring/contacting her
- making her feel afraid to fully cut contact
The most worrying part is that he is a local lowkey goon type person with around 4–5 police cases already against him and is currently out on bail. He openly behaves like he has no fear of police or consequences. He has nothing to lose, he has lost all his money, his family doesn't expect or respect him. His own wife and kid are indifferent towards him. All he wants is her.
Now she feels trapped psychologically.
People around her have suggested:
- changing her number (she changed...but keeping the old number too!)
- blocking him (Blocked but he constantly messages her or calls her, so she HAS to talk with him.)
- leaving her workplace
- counseling
- legal help
- involving family
But she refuses almost every step because she says she is terrified things will escalate if she angers him or cuts him off suddenly.
Her fear is that he may:
- come to her house
- create public drama
- harass her further
- or damage her family’s reputation
Her father is extremely strict, respected, and ethical, and she seems deeply afraid of disappointing or humiliating her family.
At the same time, she is mentally in a very bad state now.
She still talks to him despite the abuse because she says she’s scared of what he’ll do otherwise. She also refuses to leave her job even though her boss has apparently behaved inappropriately with her physically too.
Mentally she seems emotionally exhausted, trauma bonded, ashamed, hopeless, and completely stuck. Recently she started saying things like:
“Everyone would be better off without me.”
That scared most of all because she already seems emotionally broken and isolated.
I’m posting because I genuinely want practical advice from people who understand abusive relationships, trauma bonds, stalking, coercive control, or suicidal thinking.
How do you help someone who knows they’re suffering but is too afraid to take action?
At what point do you involve family, legal help, or outside intervention if the person keeps saying they are “not ready”?
Please don’t reduce this to moral judgment about her choices. She already seems consumed by shame and self-hatred.