How do I have an emotional conversation with my dismissive avoidant husband?
A few months ago, my husband asked for a divorce. He asked me to move in with my parents and take our newborn baby with me because he said we would be better off there than staying near him. During the time between him asking for a divorce and me moving out, he said many hurtful things to me. Looking back, I think he was feeling overwhelmed with different things happening in his life, and his solution was to push me and the baby away so he could calm down.
About a month and a half after moving out, I got a job offer that requires me to return to the same state where he lives. When I mentioned this to him, he said I could move back in with him and that we could work things out.
I told him I was deeply hurt by everything that happened and that we needed to talk about it, but he immediately went back to blaming me for everything and expecting me to stop asking questions and let things go. I cannot do that. I need him to understand that this cannot happen again.
I’m also resentful about what he put me through while caring for a newborn. In the almost three months we’ve been separated, he never asked if the baby needed anything or asked to see the baby in person. Meanwhile, he was traveling and spending time with friends while I cared for our baby with help from my parents.
I know that if I bring any of this up, even gently, he will likely get upset, minimize my feelings, and avoid taking accountability.
Honestly, I feel at peace living with my parents, but I truly need this job and would also need help with the baby if I move back. I cannot do it completely on my own.
How can I have this conversation with him without triggering him?